gymrat0226’s BodyBlog

So I know I need to take control of my diet.  I’m a creature of habit and when things aren’t going as scheduled neither is my diet.  I’m not going to blame anyone (ahemmmm….my husband….lol) it’s just the way I am.  I don’t watch TV because I get bored and I snack.  If I do watch a movie I have to cross-stitch (yes, I cross-stitch but don’t tell anyone) to keep me occupied.  I get bored very easily and can’t sit still for 5 minutes.

I’m going to try my best and stay on track or pretty close to it.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’m adjusting to this 550 calorie a day deficit, stress or a combination of both.  Dee tells me I should write everything I eat on bodyspace, even my cheat food, so I’m accountable for what I eat.  The main reason I don’t publish what I eat is because I really don’t have the time and I feel like I’m doing it twice.  I already enter my diet on calorieking.com and I’m not ready to tell everyone how much I really cheat.
Another thing I do that I’m probably going to get in trouble for is take carb blockers when I cheat.  Now I don’t know if these really work but it makes me feel a little less guilty.  I don’t take them when I eat healthy, they’re only for cheating.  I just bought them last week so I’m not sure if they’ll have any effect.  I’m one of the people who buy into all these weight loss gimics (fat burners, carb blockers, fiber, creams, wraps, etc).  Desperate times you know.  It’s like being a crack addict.  You’ll do anything to stop bad food from being absorbed in your body and anything that’ll get rid of fat whether it’s a pill, cream or wrap.

So that’s my confession for the week.

So I’m really pissed off at myself.  I’m thinking yesterday was a very stressful day for me.  I still haven’t figured out why I binge and I always forget so I’m going to post why I think I failed yesterday.  I won’t say what I ate because I’m a closet eater which means I will never tell anyone and I do it when there’s no one around.  Plus Jay’s probably going to read this and give me shit…lol.

Anyhow, yesterday it started when I got an email from my last trainer Robert Green.  He says "hey how’s it going?  R U getting ready for the show in May?  Time to start training."  I didn’t respond at first because I don’t want to tell him that I have Jay now (gawd that sounds funny) so I didn’t resond at all until today.  Then Jay emailed me and says "How’s your week going."  Then I come home and Danielle (my 12 yr old step daughter) says "I can’t wait till May when we go on our roadtrip and stay at the hotel."  She’s coming with me if I do the show in May.  It’s going to be a girls weekend.  So I think all the stress of everything at once made me eat.

And all the eating was done after the gym!!!  At 9:30 at night and then…..I went to sleep!  Damn!!!  I suck!

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I think I’m finally feeling 100% better now.  For the first time since I’ve been doing my muscle building I was able to do cardio after with energy to spare.  It felt so good to run tonight.  I was feeling a little fat for a few days.  I must have been holding water because I weighed myself this morning and I was at 131!  Jay said this was good because I’m supposed to be gaining muscle but 2 lbs in 3 days!  So I weighed myself tonight and I was still at 131 so it must have been water because I always weigh about 3 lbs more in the morning than I do at night.  I felt pretty strong tonight.  I’ve been increasing my weight slightly every week.  I notice my shoulders are starting to come out but my legs hold so much water all the time it’s really hard to tell if I’ve made any progress.  Sometimes I wish I had the problem of having skinny legs and have to build them up.  I can’t stand having thick legs.  Nothing fits properly.  All my pants the waist is way too big and the legs are so tight.  Oh well, I guess we can’t all be perfect.  What would we have to work for if we were???

Everything seems to be going against me competing in May but I’m a fighter and I won’t let anything stop me.  I’m not sure why all this keeps happening.  Not sure whether it’s to make me stronger or to keep me from danger that lies ahead.  I always have that in the back of my head.  Why things happen and if they happen for a reason.

This year has been a constant battle for me.  It started when I went home and my stomach was acting up because of all the bad food I was eating.  Then when I started eating healthy again it got worse.  As soon as my stomach was better I got sick for 3 weeks with a cold and then bronchitis.  Got over that and 3 days later dropped a can of paint on my foot right on the spongy part below my ankle.  That wasn’t too bad, I iced it and took some Tylenol and it’s just a bruise and a little tender.  Now last night I go to the gym and slammed my finger between the weight and the bench.  Stuck it in a glass of water and ice and the swelling won’t go down.  So now it looks like Fred Flinstone’s finger but purple.  What is up with that!

I’m finished my muscle building this week.  This weekend I have to start my new diet and training program that Jay’s doing for me.  I’m so glad because I’m feeling really solid and puffy right now.  I can’t wait to start shedding all of this again.  So I’m ready and raring to go!!!!

I finally went a night without having a coughing fit.  That’s progress.  I still have to constantly clear my throat though.  I can’t wait to be able to do cardio.  I think I might ever try do to some tonight.  I’m feeling a little puffy since I haven’t been doing cardio.  It’s almost like everything accumulates in my legs when I don’t do cardio.

I still haven’t decided if I’m doing the show in May.  I’ve been sick for so long that I feel like I’ve missed my crucial muscle building time.  I’ve been going to the gym but not at 100%.  It takes my breath away and it’s hard to work out.  I’m going to see how the next 2 weeks go and then make my decision because I really don’t want to stress like I did last time.  I’m not looking forward to the strict diet.  It’s so easy to slip back into bad eating habits but it seems easier to control it than it did before.

I’ve been doing some cheating on my diet but mostly because I’ve been sick.  I’m not like normal people who don’t eat when they’re sick.  I feel like I need comfort food when I feel crappy.  It’s really one of the few times I cheat.

So I planned out my meals for today.  Jay gave me my new diet so I don’t have to eat so much protein.  I was getting quite sick of chewing…lol.  So we’re off to a great start today.  I just went to have my shake and I think the pineapple juice was bad.  I buy the tiny cans and put 3 oz in my shake and this can had been sitting in my fridge since Friday.  It had that tin taste so I dumped it because I wasn’t taking any chances on getting sick again!