I asked to go get my son up. They said yes. I went upstairs and knocked on his door and he grumbled several times. When I insisted I needed him, he grumbled and came out to me. He fussed about what I wanted and I bluntly blurted out that his dad was dead. I later apologized to him. I must have said it with anger, like I was angry with him. I guess I was in shock. I’m sorry sweatheart. If I could go back and do it over - I never would have told you that way. I know it hurt him.

 He came downstairs and we talked with the man and woman standing in my kitchen. She said he was going about 50, came to a stop sign on the windy road, went right through it without ever even trying to break, and hit the guardrail across the road. The bike fell to the road as he flew over the guardrail and down an embankment, about 15 ft. below. My son said, NO not my dad. He didn’t drink and drive, and he would NOT have been careless or clowning with his motorcycle driving. My dad drove for years and was a very experienced driver. NOT my dad. Do an autopsy. Something isn’t right. That’s not my dad. We later understood that he never breaked because it was uphill to the stop sign and with his speed he must have hit it like a ramp and his tires were not even touching the road as he crossed it. I thought of the fear he felt as he knew he couldn’t stop and knew he was in trouble.

 We never got the autopsy. Things went so fast, I couldn’t think straight, it was all a blur. But the accident is still under investigation. They did do a toxicology report, and I will be happy when that comes back clean because I know it will. There was a house close to the stop sign and they were having a party for July 4th. There was a good sized group of people and they were setting off many firecrackers. My husband’s brother and other people went to look at the scene of the accident over the next few days. The witnesses told them different stories, some of the facts were not facts at all. The nurse there said they worked on him till 2am. My son and I drove up there before 1am and everyone was gone by then. One person said he landed on his back. We later found out he broke his neck. They say he still had his helmet on. He looked up at them, blinking his eyes, unable to talk. It tore me up when they said that, I’d thought he died on contact. It broke my heart to think of all the things going through his mind, and how helpless he must have felt. If I think on it long, it makes me very angry. Angry that happened to him, angry someone might have done something to cause it.

Something isn’t right. There were people there who came back to investigate because things just arent’ adding up. We feel they know it just wasn’t an accident from someone being stupid with their driving on a motorcycle. We are frustrated, angry and lost. My 3 children lost their father, and I lost a hard working, loving man. He was not perfect but he was a good man. Many people told me the things he’d done for them, at work, friends, neighbors. He seemed loved by many. There are many flowers around my house. I thought the line would never end at the viewing and was actually a little surprised at the amount of people hugging me and saying they were so sorry. They ran out of chairs at the funeral the next day, which made me feel good. That showed me he was a good man and loved by many. Others who knew him from Harley Davidson where he worked, said he never carried on with the bike when they rode with him. He would not have done that to his kids.

I called a friend that night who I knew didn’t sleep well. She drove almost an hour to be by my side. We sat and talked till daylight. I’m was so thankful she was there. Without her I don’t know how I would have gotten through the night. The next morning the little cousin’s mom came. I asked her to come early. I went outside to tell her what happened and she broke down. Then I had to call his sister. He was 51 and his sister is only a few yrs. older. They were close. I knew it would be hard because she just buried her other brother of 53 in March of a heart attack. And their mom was buried in Feb. the year before. It was horrible to call her. I didn’t want to but knew I had to. I made her go in the house with her husband, and the moment I told her she started to wail. He got on the phone and demanded to know what I said to her. I told him and he started to scream. I couldn’t listen, I handed the phone to Jeff’s cousin. It was too painful to hear. I don’t know what happened that night, but I pray the truth comes out, because I believe he was an innocent victim of circumstances. He is buried on a hill with a view, trees and a beautiful breeze blowing. He would have liked standing there looking at the view, feeling the breeze and the sun on his face.

When my girls came down in the morning, I just looked at their beautiful faces and stared into their eyes. They looked at me wondering. I just thought to myself……. The moment I tell them I change their world…. it will never be the same. For every minute that I wait, they have another minute of peace. When I did tell them a little later - after the cousin’s mom got there, it was the hardest thing I ever did.

 Today is our 19th anniversary. But we were together long before we got married. I met him when I was 15 and he was only 17. Someone called me from the newspaper and did a nice story on us. He made the front page, it would have made him smile to be on the front page. My 14 yr. old will be 15 on the 18th of this month. I thought how close she was to him and how he will never walk her down the isle for her wedding now, or teach her to drive. My heart is broken.

NO matter what happened that night, he is gone. And he will be greatly missed. We are all lost right now. We will hold our memories of him close forever. Thank you for listening. It is only by the grace of God that I get through each day now. And each one of my children, is even more precious to me then they were before. Hold your families close. Hug your kids today, your mom and dad, tell them you love them.

IN loving memory of Jeff Keezel, 1958 - 2009, loving father and husband.

I want to thank everyone who wished me well for the race and gave me their encouragement. This is extra hard because I had friends supporting me and I feel like I let everyone down. Believe me if there is any way I can still pull off this race, I will. Anyway, thanks again for all the encouragement and enthusiasm!