A Blog

Well, it’s been a month since the breakup and I think I’m finally coming to grips with everything.  I’ve been doing some meditation and just getting out with friends and meeting new people and it has helped immensely with getting past everything.  I won’t say I forgive my ex for everything that’s happened, I still feel kinda bad I wrecked his golf clubs.  I won’t say I understand anything any better  and I know I don’t want to see him ever ever again, I’m just not angry with him anymore.   And I’m really glad that it ended when it did.  It would have sucked more if it had happened after we were married or something.   I will miss the anger, or rather, being able to use the anger to lift some pretty serious weight in the gym, some serious head turning there, but it’s for the best.  I have decided, though, that I won’t let any guy make me feel inferior or less than I am or mess with my head in any way again.  I’m not sure how I’m going to do that but I know I need to figure out a way or next time I might have to seriously hurt the guy if he pulls this stuff on me.  I really don’t want to go through this again.  Live and learn, right?

Today I woke up and just felt … angry at my ex.  I had the strong urge to drive over to my place, kick his door down and pound the snot out of him.  Yes, I think I’m still in my anger phase.  So I got focused and went to the gym instead.  Boy, I wish I could bottle my anger up and use it during every workout.  I lifted heavy and I lifted hard, I used every last negative thought and channeled it right into my workout, and I logged every single rep into my journal.  When I was done, I felt strong, I felt powerful and I definitely felt a lot better about myself.  And I was at least exhausted enough not to want to go beat my ex up anymore.  For now anyways.  Good for him I guess.  Gosh, I haven’t felt this way in a while.  Wish I could feel this way everyday, just wish the motivation were something different.  Oh well.   One day at a time I suppose.

Thanks everyone for all the reassuring comments, my dweeb of an ex had me thinking I was some sort of a freak.  I should just go and kick his ass then but I think it wouldn’t really change anything.  I know I stand out, not because I am a freak, but because I have a fit body and seeing all of the healthy people on here, I know I’m not alone.  So thanks again for your support, it’s been far too long for me to hear some positive comments instead of just negative- it’s been quite refreshing.  I look forward to the day I find someone who isn’t a neanderthal and can appreciate me for me.  So thanks for being so positive.

I thought I would also add that going to a karaoke bar is NOT a good way  to get over someone, hearing House of Pain’s Jump jump jump is still ringing in my ears.

Just wanted to get some feedback.  I just recently broke up with my boyfriend because he thought I was getting too "big".  Now, I’m no bodybuilder, but recently I have been training alot harder and my muscles were getting increasingly more visible.  Still I don’t consider myself "big," I think I have more of that Linda Hamilton/Terminator 2 type physique.  My ex never really exercised too much, just didn’t have the discipline, but he never minded my working out, after all when I looked good, he looked good,but I don’t think he liked it much when I started lifting more than him.  His buddies gave him a hard time about it.  I’m not sure what to think about all this.  Has this happened to any of you girls?  For you guys, would you go out with a girl if she was physically stronger than you?