My GF of 11 years has cancer. Worse yet; it's aggressive, has spread, and there is currently not a cure. At first there was an initial shock, but then some hope - I hoped she would fight with all she had, and she thought she would fight with all she had. The next months were up and down. I certainly can't tell her how to feel - I don't honestly know how I would feel if I were in her place (I wish every day we could switch places).
So, she went through chemotherapy - and handled that quite well. It shrunk her disease by a pretty substantial amount. Next was preventative brain radiation. She handled it...she was miserable, but she handled it. After she completed that, the oncologist wanted her to take a couple of months to rest.
That brings me to today. Yes, I hold out hope that she will fight and beat this...I will never give up on her! But, how much pain does this poor girl need to be in, all the while dealing with the emotional hell it's created? I come home every day, and I see her red puffy eyes - I know she's been crying. I see how she has loosely wrapped her bandana around her fuzzy little head - I know she has burns. Now, she has pain in her back. She can't even sleep to recover, it hurts so bad. It just seems she could catch a break. I know life doesn't work that way, but it's hard not to rationalize.
I've thought over and over again; "whatever we've done to deserve this...I really hope we're paid up". We try to be good people. We help others in need, give to the less fortunate, treat people kindly, etc, etc. I've never taken her for granted. I'm sort of proud of that in a way. We have always been appreciative of everything we've had in life.
I have hope, and I have faith. As tough a time as she's having, I just can't imagine her not pulling through this. I won't imagine her not pulling through this. I just wish she would stop being kicked down every time she tries to get up.