My Life

December 25th 2006 was the end of the beginning. After already blogging about my life for a year on myspace I’ve found it a bit difficult to start a blog on bodybuilding.com. I guess because of my crazy schedule I haven’t had much time to document my progress. The Aftermath……………………….

December 25th 2006 was anything but pleasant. I was struck with a really bad sinus infection and was forced to take a break from my training. This day marked the 7th X-mas with my girlfriend. Everything seemed to be going well. Hehehe at least thats what I thought. Battling a really bad sinus infection I refused to take days off from my job (Fed-Ex courier). I figured I needed to stay active so I continued to work through the discomfort. Now back to the girlfriend thing…….

We’d been together for a little over 7 and a half years. Never been apart or even hinted at a break up. Something of that nature was just not gonna happen.  We were best friends, "soul mates" and also training partners. I won’t get into too much detail on the relationship but you get the picture we were close.

Now where was I……….It was X-mas eve. I was staying at my moms to recover from a sinus infection. My girlfriend and I had 4 cats…….so I had to escape that environment to recover from my illness. Oh yeah did I mention that her bro and friends were pot heads!!! Yeah so I’m not ashamed about going back to moms house for a brief stint. On X-mas eve I went back to our house to pick up some clothes and other items. I walked in….my girlfriend was watching "Sin City" and was acting a little strange. So I sat there and talked to her for a minute. For one reason or another we started talking about her closest friends who are 2 lesbians and 1 transsexual. They were good peeps….so I could tolerate them. For some reason I just felt the need to ask her "Are you becoming a lesbian?". Of course she exploded….altercation…blah blah blah…I’m back at my moms playing video games with my bro, congested, aching bones…..feeling like I’m catching the flew. Arguments happen all of the time but we always manage to recover. Well its x-mas day and I’m still sick as F#$^. I talked to her for a couple of minutes that morning and we agreed that we’d spend time with families and exchange our gifts later on that night. I started feeling a little better on x-mas night and decided to go home. As I enter the house as usual her brother and loser friends are hanging out…..cool whatever…I need a shower….medicine and sleep if I was gonna wake up and work the next day. So I’m greeted by my cats as I enter the house and immediately am met with eye contact from her. I head back to the room to check my email that I hadn’t checked in about a week. She comes to the room and we attempt to have an intimate moment without her bro’s friends intervening. We exchanged gifts and immediately following she says "I can’t do this anymore." I’m like "do what?" She responds, "I’m ending the relationship now. I’ve been faking it for a year and I need space." So I sat there on a broken computer chair with my favorite cat in my lap, purring licking my ears………at the same time confused. WTF!!! I asked her "Why on X-mas of all days?" She said, "I’m sorry but it had to come out." I remember…..feeling betrayed as she gazed into my eyes with this cold evil look. This was so random. Part of me wanted to believe that her family and the reemergence of her mom had something to do with this. But who cares….the unthinkable just became a reality on X-mas night. The last thing I remember asking her was, "have you any idea how I feel right now?" She said, "surprised, shocked……I just need my space". "I just need my space"……..is the same thing I needed 4 years ago. You see I passed up an opportunity to go play division 2 basketball and finish school but I passed this up to stay in a relationship that I needed a break from. Now regardless of how it went down…she’s always been a caring person and would put her life on the line to help me at any time. And of course I would do the same. This story is sooo much more deeper than what I’m posting….but once again you get the picture….."we were close." So I agreed to move out, leaving behind my cats (they were like my children) and everything that we accumulated together (bed, T.V.’s washer and dryer). I left with my balls and my word……clothes in trash bags, my PS2 and My Fuji road bike. I can remember the night like it was last night. As I hit I-35 South in my Blue SI……I felt crush…..drained……soaking in the moment. This was my first time feeling this way. I made it back to my mom’s apartment (long story about apt), broke the news to her and my grandmother. They couldn’t believe it…partly because they raised her from age 15 and up. Her family didn’t really support her.

Its 2:00 a.m. the day after and lay on a fold out couch struggle to catch some Z’s. The shit wasn’t happening. The feeling I had in my stomach was incredible……It almost felt like losing a close family member to death. To be honest it felt worse. So the sleep sequence I just explained happened for an entire month. For 30 + days I got maybe 2 hours of sleep per night. Every night I lay there on that hard as concrete fold out couch and pray that I would gain a better understanding of life. I prayed that I would come to my senses and except the path presented to me. For one whole month I didn’t work out.

Rewind time

As I mentioned before she was also my training partner for over 7 years. We went from hard core bodybuilding workouts to triathlon training towards the end of the relationship. I was her idea so I decided to abandon the idea of someday competing as a natural bodybuilder in hopes to push her to the next level as a triathlete.  I weighed 215 pounds (very lean) and managed to drop down to 185 pounds in less than a year. I felt that it was a good sacrifice because it help us continue to be training partners.
Okay I didn’t train for like 30 + days and my weight dropped to 169 pounds because I wasn’t eating. I remember laying on that fold out couch ever night with aching pains, it almost felt like my joints were about to explode. At 6′2 I was weighing under 170 pounds. I remember my stomach cramping 24/7. At my job people accused me of drug abuse….yep drug abuse. Boy was I a mess. Every single night I would lay there on that fold out couch praying……….some nights I would even talk to the man in the heavens above. At one point I wished to be dead LoL…..I can laugh now because I survived it LoL. As I started to gain back mental strength I would lay and talk to myself. I would say "If I can make it through this….I can make it through anything." Things happen for a reason…..this is a part of life….must not question his actions…..accept and move on. I’m known for my tenacity and competitive attitude…..If I lay on this fold out couch and rot to death…..the moral of my family will plummet. I wasn’t raised to be a weak individual……If I die because I gave up I would have taken life for granted. My mom and grandmother have sacrificed all there lives to make sure my bro and I would live stress free. Each and every time I needed help in my adult years they were there for me. If I give up now…..I would be spitting in their faces? I don’t know where the strength came from. But after weeks of talking with myself in the dark and praying….oh yeah and listening to Godsmack……I found the strength to start banging out reps in the weight room again. Then eventually I returned to training with The Morning Group at RunTex. This time without her. My motivation was basically this…..I was gonna train harder and longer than I ever had….If it killed me I was gonna become a better endurance athlete than she was. The next time she see’s me I remember thinking…..she won’t even recognize me………..

To be continued……

So months pass. Prior to this catastrophic event I was really intimidated with the idea of training and competing in sports that put me outside of my comfort zone. My sport background consisted mainly of basketball and some bodybuilding (Flex magazine hypnotized me too lol). So the photos that you see of me running was actually my first time racing. This is something that I avoided during high school, hell I couldn’t even run 1 mile on my own without struggling. So pushing myself to do this was a major step on the road to recovery. Okay back to the race. The name of the race was "The Congress Ave mile" hosted by RunTex (the peeps who i train with). My personal mile record prior to the race was a 6:49(hey I was a lazy basketball player…..we sprint for short intervals). With only 3 months of training…..I managed to set a new PR of 5:37. I weighed in at 188 pounds on a full stomach. I was inexperienced and didn’t know that short distance runners didn’t eat before races…..oops. I must tell you….a full sprint for 1 mile down Congress Avenue was the hardest athletic event I’ve ever done!!! I can’t stress that enough.

Okay moving on. By this time my confidence is boosted. I’m feeling good. My workouts are going great. I’m back on my road bike twice a week. I also managed to do my first charity ride and longest ride called the "Outlaw Traill 100". 64 miles with gusts up to 40 mph. Yeah it was a bitch! But I survived it. A 60 miler is a freaking warm up for me now. So I’m improving in all aspects of this endurance sport……in the process having no social life. I’m basically zone the f@#$ out and determined to better discipline myself. My weight got down to a healthy 175 over the summer. I was leaner than ever showing no signs of weakness. By this time I managed to finds photos of my Ex competing in a triathlon. To my surprise……..she was really FAT. I was amazed at how much weight she had gained……..as much as I wanted to laugh…..I couldn’t because I was concerned about her. Remember we were best friends for almost 8 years. I was saddened by what I saw that day……..But at the same time I felt this urge of wanting to push harder. If I was gonna die of exhaustion….so be it….I’ve had a blessed life…..no time for emotion……let’s keep pushing.

July 4th 2007 my birthday. I’m at home with the family (Mom, Grandmother, Bro). My bro and I decided to have a gaming day. Something that we had been doing since we were kids. At times we would stay at home the entire weekend and play video games non-stop. At the ages of 27 and 23 we still do it lol. Only taking breaks for sports or in my case cycling. We siting there enjoying our X-Box 360 when all of a sudden my bro receives a text message from his Ex-girlfriend. Apparently she sent a text to my old telephone number wishing me a happy birthday. But here’s where things get complicated. I had just recently changed phone companies and had a new number. Okay well……….apparently someone had my old number and started responding pretending to be me.

To Be Continued………..

And this person decides to have a conversation with my brothers X-gf. After finally revealing that he had been deceiving her…he decides to spread rumors about me. Oh and did I mention he revealed himself to be the new boyfriend….lol. So not only did my ex-girlfriend break up with  my on Christmas, take all of furniture etc… that we purchased together but she gave my old phone number to her new boyfriend LoL. Okay back to the rumor part:

He sends text message’s on my b-day to my brothers ex-gf about how I used to beat my ex and then he goes on about how mean I was to her. So as my brother relays this info to me and I’m sitting there on July 4th…..my 27th birthday….playing Xbox 360 (Ghost Recon)…in disbelief……looking back on my 6 month journey……trying to get over heart break……on my 27th b-day…….I didn’t get a happy birthday message from her….instead I get a bunch on Bull S#$%! WTF….was my response…..then I just smiled….as my bro and I faded into laughter.

Okay at this point I’m soooo over her it aint even funny. Then I have my friends coming up to me saying that they saw her with some new guy…..some little guy….basically a squirt. I’m not a hater….so I’m like….cool, I hope she’s happy. Maybe there’s a chance we could be friends. Things happen for a reason…..I’m happy with my new path. If I remain single for the rest of my life…..I must learn to appreciate life….and continue on with my journey of liberating my mental and physical beings. I still haven’t seen her in over a year…..it’s almost as if she’s hiding from me. I took some time off with training with RunTex…..upon my return some of my training partners told me that she showed up and had gained a lot of weight…..they also mentioned that she struggled during the workouts. I recently saw photos of her competing in a local triathlon and she looked liked she may have gained 25 to 30 pounds…..

To be continued………..

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