goddessamazon’s BodyBlog

Warning! Unlike my other entries this one is not gonna be funny nor will it be a happy one. I’ve been making hints here and there that I’ve been dealing with something emotionally straining lately and decided to talk about it now. OH and it’s also very long.

For those of you who don’t know this I have a pet cat who I love, cherish and adore with all my heart and soul. Her name is Fannie and she turned 16 years old last month. When she was 13 years old she begin to lose weight and drink a lot of water. I took her to the vet and she told me that her kidneys are slowly failing and that she will only live for 3 more months. Now I don’t know about you all but I don’t like it when f*cking doctor play “GOD” and start predicting life spans. Not even Pet Doctors. So I cussed that bitch out and told her that my cat will live way past 13 years old just so we can come back and rub it in her f*cking face!

During that time I was traveling a lot. My main travels were to Germany. I fell in love with that country and wanted to relocate there as soon as possible. But unfortunately, I couldn’t get a medical clearance for Fannie to fly over there too so I put those plans on hold. As a matter of fact I put a lot of things on hold during that time. My mother was terminally ill and this caused me a lot of stress so I joined a gym to relieve my stress and end up losing 45 lbs in the process. My mother got better and made a 95% recovery but my dear Fannie was not so fortunate, so I decided to focus all my attention on her and making her better. For a long time it worked. She gained her weight back along with her eating and she was back to her old self. Then last year (or maybe the year before last) She got sick again and I took her to another Vet who told me that her liver is now failing. Lucky for her she didn’t play “GOD” and tried to give a death sentence to my cat like the other one did. So once again I nurse Fannie back to health and all was good in our world.

When Fannie turned 15 I was happy and I told her that if she was ready to leave I wouldn’t freak out. She would have bad days here and there but nothing too serious. When Fannie recently turned 16 on April the 1^st  I WAS REALLY HAPPY and we scheduled an appointment the next day to see that bitch vet who said that she wouldn’t last past 3 months back in 2006. When the Vet came in I stood up holding Fannie in my arms and said; “You may not remember us but three years ago you told me that my cat wouldn’t live past three months due to her failing kidneys. Well here is it 2009 and she just turned sixteen years old. That means she lived 3 years past your predictions. I don’t want you to examine my cat nor prescribe her any medication. As a matter of fact I don’t want anything from you. I just came here to show you that you don’t know what the f*ck you’re talking about and to think twice before saying some dumb shit like that again” I turned around and walked out. Fannie and I celebrated “Operation STFU Ms Vet” with some good eats. I gave her a big plate of salmon and I had a big piece of chocolate cake.

Two weeks ago Fannie begins to get really ill and she started to behave differently. She begin to hide which is a big tale tale sign that the end is near. She refuses to sleep with me at night and only comes near me when I am preparing her food. She was throwing up  almost everyday and I could see that she was in pain. The day to “let her go” was coming sooner than I thought and I was an emotional wreck. I didn’t want to take her to a vet to get euthanized so I called around until found one that could come to my home and do it. Finally I found one who would come to my home and I scheduled her to come to my home twice only to cancel the day before because I wasn’t ready. Then the week of my competition I was really losing mind and it showed in my physique. I didn’t care about the competition anymore because all I could think about was how crushed I will be when Fannie is gone. Sometimes I would arrive home from the gym I would secretly hope that she would be inside “passed away” already so I wouldn’t have to make the decision, but that never happened. Never in my life had I ever have to put a pet to sleep. Never! So you can see how hard of a decision this was for me. It wasn’t until I talked with an old friend of mine who out of the blue asked about Fannie. Trying to hold back the tears I told her everything that I’ve been going through the last two weeks. After talking with her she showed me that letting Fannie go as soon as possible was the best gift I could give her. My cat was here to help me and now that she have served her purpose it’s time for her to go. She tried to leave several times and out of fear I’ve prevented that. The best thing I could do now is let her know that I’ll be OK and to thank her for making me a better person. So when I arrived at home I went to the spot where Fannie was hiding and said to  her “Fannie, it’s OK. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m gonna let you go physically but you’ll forever be with me in my heart” I turned around, walked away and sat on the couch in the living room, staring into space for several minutes when out of the blue Fannie jump into my lap and rubbed her head into my neck. This is the first time in two weeks since she approached me and I was overjoyed. I rubbed her and talked to her for the next hour or two until we both feel asleep on the couch together. Just like old times. **huge smile**

So while other competitors were preparing their bodies the day before the show, I on the other hand was shopping online for urns and making cremation arrangements. I didn’t even pack for my competition until an hour before leaving. YUP! YOU HEARD ME! I packed one hour before heading to my competition. This is why Saturday was a good day because even though the people there had no idea the hell I’ve been going through they made that day a very happy one for me. It’s been two weeks since I’ve laughed like that and felt really happy for a change.

Fannie is so/so now. She comes out of hiding every now and then to cuddle but leaves after several minutes. I’m not complaining because it’s better than nothing. I know she’s in pain and she’s doing her best to console me in the meantime. I scheduled for her euthanization for this Thursday at 11AM and I’m not canceling it. I’m gonna go through with it because I want Fannie to be at peace.

So this is why I’m taking two weeks off. I was going to compete in the SNBF Bodybuilding Championships in Alabama on May the 23^rd but I realized that would be a bad idea. I know for a fact that I won’t be ready for that show so I decided against it. I’ll bounce back from this. Trust me on that one. I don’t play that victim role too well and I don’t like pitty parties so when I say I’ll be back to my old self in two weeks……….KNOW THAT TO BE TRUE!

As of now I’m gonna enjoy these few moments I have with my precious pet and write a journal of all the good things she brought to my life. I will pray for strength during the moment of her transition and be at peace knowing that she is not suffering anymore when it’s all over. I’ll probably be all cried out by the end of that day but I’ll be better the next day. After all, this is just another test of life that I intend to pass with flying colors and I’ll be a stronger person because of it.

Now if you will excuse me. I’m heading to the grocery store just to buy a bag of chocolate chip cookies. *smile*

I wanted to share with you all a wonderful experience I had this past Saturday at my bodybuilding competition. Some of you may already know this but I really didn’t go all out for this competition. I have two good reason for this. The first is because it’s the NPC and this NPC event doesn’t test for drugs so the chances of me competing against a woman who juices was 90%. Now I’m not saying that to complain because it is what it is. If I don’t like it then I can always avoid competing in those events but I personally don’t care about entering as a natural. It’s not a big deal to me. I put 100% effort into my natural bodybuilding competitions and in the NPC figure competitions but when it comes to the NPC’s female bodybuilding division I’m gonna do it half ass just to keep in shape. The second reason is pretty much a downer moment so I’ll save that one for later.

Last night I was surprised how “in shape” my body was. You know what? I didn’t cut water at all but the evening before I had two cups of coffee and when I woke up the next morning I was very conditioned. So note to self………for my next natural bodybuilding competition cut water and the day before the show drink two cups of black coffee with stevia. Now this may not work for those who drink coffee on a regular bases but I’m not much of a coffee drinker so it really acts as a super diuretic for my body.

I learned from past experiences to NEVER arrive at Ropeman’s competitions on time. If he says that all competitors be there at 7:30AM then it’s best to show up at 8:30AM or 8:40AM because the briefing won’t start until 9ish. So I came at 8:20AM (when he wanted us there at 7:30AM) and the briefing didn’t happen until 9:50AM. But that was cool because I got a chance to chat with other competitors who I’ve seen at other shows in the past. I even made new friends. I like making friends in this lifestyle. Lately, these shows have been like mini high school reunions except that we all are in shape wearing next to nothing. LOL!!!!! All the female bodybuilders were very friendly except for the female who won my class. Her body was in AWESOME shape. She was beautiful and sort of reminded me of Dayana Cadeau. When I saw her I knew instantly she won our class. Unfortunately, she wasn’t friendly and sort of kept to herself. I tried to befriend her but she wasn’t interested and I didn’t take it personally. Some women are friendly and outgoing and others just don’t want to have anything to do with you. In my opinion you have to respect both equally.

So the small group of figure girls forgot their “bikini bite” and I just brought a brand new bottle from bodybuilding.com. This is the new and improve bikini bite and that shit is like glue. WOW! So I let them all (about 6 of them) use mine and they were so appreciative because they saw the difference in my bottle versus the old version. They kept thanking me but I told them no problem because when I needed help as a figure competitor at the last NPC event it was the female bodybuilders who came to my rescue. Now I’m just passing the good karma to them. **huge smile**

The highlight of my night was befriending a woman from Germany named Merle Mohr. One of the promoters for the show introduced us after prejudging. Let me ask you all something. Have you ever met someone in person and you two click so well that it seems like you have been friends for years? That’s how it was with Me and Merle. She was super down to earth and VERY FUNNY! This chick had me laughing my ass off. As soon as we were introduced we were inseparable. She asked me a lot of questions about America and I asked her a lot of questions about Germany. She wants to live here and I want to live (part-time) over there. We sat around, made jokes and admired the eye candy around us. She had a cherry pie and offered me some. Now you should have seen us sitting in the audience half dressed eating a cherry pie together. LOL!!!!! She racked up at the show. She won her class, over all, best poser, best abs and best arms. BUT OF COURSE SHE DID! This woman is from Germany. The southern American women here were no match for her! Check her out!  She has a profile here on bodybulding.com http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/Merle-Mohr/

The female who won my class wasn’t happy about losing overall, best arms, poser and abs to Merle. Pfft!!!! Tough Tittay! Hahahahahahahaaaa!!!!! I’m glad Merle cleaned house because she’s a good person and I like to see good things happen to good people!

She and I will stay in touch but having her as a new friend was the highlight of my night. Even the people at the booths were good to me. Once they saw that I was a competitor they were giving me loads and loads of free stuff. Me likey free stuff! Me likey free stuff a lot! I must say that this was the most relaxed and outgoing I had ever been at any competition. I really had a good time and I probably had a good time because I didn’t give a shit about my placing. Will I always be that way at every competition? No. The most important competition I’ll be working hard for is in July. I will always be friendly and outgoing but I won’t be relaxed because I want to win that one SO BAD!!!!!!

So this is the good news entry. I have some bad news to share but I’ll share that with you all a little later.

Cya!