glittergirl98’s BodyBlog

Just look at the tiny girls with no definition you go gaga over.  It makes me sick.  This is what makes insecure girls have eating disorders and makes me think about skipping breakfast and just drinking coffee all day.  The kind of reinforcement you give some of these obviously unfit and underweight girls…  It’s hard for me to read some of the comments you have left some of these stick women.  I know it’s culture, but come on… it’s time we got over the waif look.  "Heroin chic" is not chic.  Blech!

I’m not a man hater, I promise, but it’s disturbing and harmful to even my psyche, and I think I am a pretty strong person!

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First, I understand that most of us are half naked on here, but that doesn’t mean we are interested in internet dating.  I don’t mean that to be cruel, but this site is about improving our bodies and I almost feel that it gets treated like a strip club.  "Because it’s out there, it must be available".  That’s simply not true.  I guess I don’t mind getting compliments that say "sexy" and all that but when guys want to chat and get to know each other… no thanks, I have too much going on to even come to this site on a regular basis all the time.

Secondly, I found a new trick for eating.  I get these awful cravings for chocolate and cake and cookies and… well, you get the idea.  I decided to use my microwave timer today to time the 20 minutes it supposedly takes to get full.  I decided that I would slowly eat ONLY healthy foods for the full 20 minutes and see if simply being full would make the cravings go away.  After the 20 minutes was up, if I still wanted something else I would reconsider it.  Well, after that timer went off I had eaten a bowl of tortilla soup (no tortillas, just veggies and spices and lean cut chicken) and an orange… and that was enough!  I am so proud of myself for not giving in.  On the other hand, it’s hard to get in the amount of calories I should eat on healthy foods alone… it’s already 5pm here!

Third… Oh my gosh!  I only have four weeks until I turn 23.  And then an additional four to the new year.  If I could get into the 150s by January, that would be great.  As of today I am only 15 pounds from my high school weight… that is so awesome!

Anyway, I guess I should work out today.  I took the dog for a wimpy walk around the block, but it’s time to do some lifting

Okay, I’ve been promising new pics for a while now and keep forgetting once I get to my parents.  I’ve been busy babysitting pets for a while and trying to get a stray animal adopted (which happened this weekend, yay!).  I’m a huuuuuuuge animal lover, so… what can I say?  Bodyspace went on the backburner, haha…

Anyway, about to put ‘em up!

I’ll be putting up more pics tonight, I think… it may have to wait until tomorrow but it’s easier to load pics at my parents’ house so I have to wait until I’m there to add new pics.

I measured again this morning and I’ve lost more inches!!! Yay!  Also, TWO PEOPLE noticed (and spoke up) that I am thinner :0)

Unfortunately, I couldn’t weigh myself.  My scale fell over in the cabinet and killed itself.  Maybe batteries will help, but I think it’s dead for good, as it wouldn’t turn on after that…. *le sigh*

My mom has a scale too, but I’m pretty scared of that thing.  I’ve come to trust my own scale and if hers has me up higher than I’m used to seeing, I might have a breakdown!  Yes, I know inches are important, but we all know that stupid metal plate has power over us… no matter what we say.  I want to know that I’m burning lots and lots of FAT. 

Anyway, I should get to packing, but I just wanted to update with the good news of dropping inches :]

Tonight when I worked out I was doing a glute lift thingy and OMG my ass started hurting… well, my right ass muscle… LOL  It hurt sooooo bad, I felt like I was giving birth, but just on that side, haha.

It went away, but slowly.  I’m eating a ton of protein and I get potassium in my shakes.  I always put a banana in, so what could cause this sudden pain?  It was like my muscle was contracting so hard, I couldn’t make it stop hurting. 

It’s fixed now, but I’m wondering whether that is going to be hurting later or if I somehow hurt myself with bad form.  I feel like I’m getting a lot better and coordinated.  I used to dance, but haven’t in a while so I feel like that strength is already coming back.  Someone once mentioned something about muscle "memory" to me.  Maybe that’s it… thoughts?

I feel like I’m finally seeing some results from working out, even though I’ve only dropped about 5 pounds.  I really do not want to get injured and gain what little I have lost back… hellz no!  I will go mad! :]

So this guy I know sees that I’m on this site and this is what he said "Is that you? Are you on here too?" Me: "Yes"… Him: "Why are you on there?"… Me: "Why do you think I’m on there (dumbass)". 

Is it so freaking hard to imagine that I take care of my body and have an interest in what I look like?  Comments like that really bother me for some reason.  I want people to see me as a fit and healthy woman who takes care of herself.  I don’t want them shocked to see me as someone who works out.  Maybe I’m taking it the wrong way.  Maybe he thinks I want to be a bulky steroid using woman… grrrrr

I was just really offended that he made me feel like I don’t belong here for some reason.  Like, it’s not a natural thought that I would have fitness goals.  I’m sick of having so much body fat

I hate ignorant people who say thoughtless things.

Another thing is that I am very private about online profiles and I took a risk showing my face on here.  I’m thinking of taking those pics down.  I don’t feel comfortable with him seeing my weight on here.  I want this to be a place I can come and be HONEST and REAL and not feel like I have to live up to anyone’s expectations, but my own.

It makes me want to start a new profile.  I want to crawl in a hole and hide for a while….

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Well, not much has changed.  I have done better with the workouts, but I’m still not 100% adhering to the schedule.  It will get better, slow is better.  I’m gradually stepping up and following the plan.  My food has significantly gotten healthier in the past month and at least I am working out, where I wasn’t at ALL before.

I feel like I really can make this a permanent change if I go slow enough.  On the other hand, I have things coming up that mean a lot to me… Halloween is in six weeks (skimpy costume), and my birthday is in twelve weeks.  I really want to use this time to my advantage as much as I can.  I don’t know if I should go with more structure or less.  I want to make sure I stick to it.  I feel so unsteady.  I don’t trust myself with a super strict regimen and I’m afraid I will just give up.  On the other hand, I DO want results… I’m not sure which way to go, but one thing I’m committing to is coming here and blogging.  It really helps me to get my thoughts out and think about what I’m doing for my health and fitness.

 Anyway, that’s all for now

Why does this eating out come up so often?  My grandmother’s birthday was this weekend, and we went out to celebrate.  I ate a lot less than usual, was a LOT more conscious about it, but I already feel like I just got back from the community salt lick!  Restaurant food has soooo much sodium!  It makes me thirsty thinking about it. 

I don’t have any of my equipment here at my parents’ house, but I do have a bike I can ride and I’m thinking about doing at least 10 miles in the morning.  Also, I can always do tricep dips, pushups, situps, lunges, crunches… anything else without weights for strength??  I can’t wait until Tuesday to work out, that’s just too long before I get back to my apartment.

Also, I’ve had so much trouble with sleeping, last night I took some Lunesta.  I got the weird taste in my mouth, but it put me to sleep quickly, which was awesome since lately I have been spending about two hours laying down before finally sleeping.  I hate it.  I’ve never had this problem before, so it sucks.  School is about to put a lot of demands on me and I can’t be staying awake until the sun comes up.  I don’t know if it’s boy drama, or what making me have this insomnia.  I just get this night burst of energy but then the problem is I sleep all day long…. blah…

Anyway, I’m off to watch a movie with the family… goodnight everyone!

I have lost an inch EACH in my chest (poo!), waist, hips, and shoulders!  And a half inch off my arms… in this past month.  That’s super cool, esp. since the scale only shows 2.6 pounds lost.

"Get like you? No, get like me… I see you, nah you see me,, you don’t see I see you f*ing with me"  Sorry, but I celebrate by dancing to hip hop songs in my underwear :]]

Okay, so I ate a lot of spaghetti today… LOL.  That was lunch and dinner but it was soooo yummy!  Yes, it was cheapo white pasta, but that’s okay… it’s carbs and I never eat bread, so it balances out.  Really, I put a ton of ground turkey and sauce in it, it really wasn’t much pasta… whatever, not gonna feel guilty about it!

I still have to workout tonight… bleh… but I have been busy with night class thus far.  I’m not burnt out yet, I promise.  I still have to learn how to juggle my schedule around and get workouts in.  I may just be better at working out in the afternoons and evenings… we’ll see.  I don’t know what to do yet. The more I think about what I want to look like, the more I find myself looking at others’ bodies.  Damn, this country really is FAT.  I don’t mean that in a mean way, because that’s me included! BUT, wow it really hits me when I look around and I’m thinking about it.  Even the "skinny" girls I see are just skin and flab.  For the most part, it’s their youth working for them (like mine did).  Okay, I’m not old, but after age 20, I lost that youthful "skinny" look and the pounds started packing on. 

So, I have decided that my goal is to be the best looking, fittest girl woman in my graduate program, have the hottest body of every girl (and I mean girls here, they are all like 18!) in the bar (I go out a lot), and exceed all my expectations that I can even mentally fathom of my body to be.  I want to blow my own mind with results.  Yes, that’s what I’m gonna do.