Yesterday she woke up to a terrible drowsiness. The night before she had taken the new sleeping pills and a melatonin. She thought she would get a full, eight hours, restful sleep. She had indeed fallen in sleep half pass eleven, but when she woke the next morning, the clock read 10:04. She struggled to wake her self, in vain, she rolled her whole body to the other corder of the mattress. The phone rang. She picked it up and looked at the caller id, it was her mother. She has been slacking off on a translation job; here’s the phone call to inquire about it. She was helpless; her life is now consumed between sleeplessness and many nights struggle in between. It’s too hard to explain; there is no need to explain. People are too often forever wrapped up in their own views, and too often skillfully overlooking other people’s inconveniences. She had learned this when she broke her wrist. Insomnia is the same thing. You either understand it or you don’t. The person who’s particularly lack of sympathy, is her mother.
"um." she picked up, and didn’t try to hide her sleepiness.
"The lawyer sent this package that’s about an inch and a half thick, what is it?" the mother asked.
"I don’t know what it is without seeing it." she said.
"Well, there’s a lot of stuff, it’s about an inch and a half thick." the mother repeated.
"I don’t know." she said.
"Didn’t he send the same thing to you?" the mother asked.
"no, he only said he’s going to send the same letter as i saw in the email." she said.
"And didn’t he send you the same documents?" the mother asked again.
(I have not even got my book from Amazon yet. she thought.)
"no." she said.
"ok." the mother said, and hung up the phone.
She rolled over, and hide her head in between the wrinkled sheets and scattered pillows. At that moment it occur to her that her mother had quantified some documents that’s full of information, by it’s physical feature. "it’s an inch and a half thick." she repeated to her self. Her mother had once again gave up control over her own life and let other people own the power. Since she gave up on learning English, she is now practically iliterate considering she’s living in the United States. Whatever she needs to understand, however critical, she needs to get it through someone else’s eyes. She felt a little sad for her mother, and a little angry for her dependency. however in a way, she knows that the table has turned. She has the upper hand now in their relationship. The mother’s got to do what she demands, and it’s all the mother’s own ****ing fault. What is now effortless for her to decipher, are information that possesses mysterious and great informative power to her mother. She had waited for years for this to come true: to own the power over her mother. She had anticipated for years; she remember all the mental abuse and all the whipping and screaming. It’s now her turn, only that she’s not as thrilled as she thought she would.
She tried to hide from the sun that’s glistering through her thin curtains now. It’s almost noon. She thought, "first thing in the morning, first thing in the morning, cardio." She suppressed the loathe and the drag, and encouraged herself for the effort that doesn’t promise reward. She got up and dragged herslef into the shower. She checked herself in the mirroe. Her face look bloated. Her finger and lips felt numb from the water retaintion. She now remembered the tea she drank right before bed, and imagined that they now filled the cells in her face. "Stupid." she thought to herself.
In the shower she looked down to her belly. There’s still a layer of fat where the belly button is floating on. After she habitually kneaded her fat around her belly button, she pocked at the side, on the muscle that recently developed right above her pelvic bone. She turned her body to different angles to feel them. She drawn the shower curtain so the light from the vanity could shin on her body. She wanted to see the contour of the muscle under the light. It was only two days ago when she took the pictures that proved their existence. She’s now paranoid, fear they would melt away. "What you want so badly is so hard to keep, what you don’t really need would never go away easily." she thought to herself, referring to her muscle and fat.
In the gym in her building, she decided to do speed walking on the treadmill. She had attempted the StairMaster the day before, only to find her hungry belly made each step a stinging torture. She walked on the treadmill and from time to time try to stray from the path in the middle; she tried to look at her legs in motion in the mirror. She noticed that the shadow from the function display cast on her thighs differently than those in the gym. She was always trying to figure out if what she sees in the mirror are just shadows from the environment or dimples from her thighs. She could tell that the curve on her thighs now, compare to a month ago, the fat has diminished from above the knees and are melting their ways upward. In time the curve will be carved away, leaving the thighs straight, firm, and full of youth. She became motivated and enjoyed watching her legs in motion; it was a march toward the Eros. She thought about all the possibilities that will be available to her again: just inches fat off your body is the difference of not getting noticed to commanding power over those people she would thought were more attractive then herself. Only they would summit to her demand, because she will be the one with the curves that contains messages. And the messages are simple ones. After all she’s the one with the warm hole; her body is the instrument that can produce beautiful sounds they all long to hear.
She smiled as she walked on. There is a new life guard for the pool. He looks like he’s still in college. His nervousness when he saw her walked in in her shortest shorts gave it away. She knew he was glancing over from time to time. The poor soul’s job is to watch the pool. And in 11:30 in the morning, there’s only a girl at the treadmill, leaving him facing the pool of blue water alone. It’s only instinct. He tried to make it look like he was just turning his head to see something on the other side, but she knew better about the gym and knew that there’s nothing to be checked out. He was looking at her.
After she finished 30 minutes, she backed off from the treadmill, and decided to do some stretch on the floor. By then the lifeguard was on his cell phone and took his time to walk around the small pool. She didn’t know what a killer her stretching moves could be till she saw his eyes. It was like the suctions of magnets; it was a force of nature: with her legs spread wide apart on the floor, in her extreme shorts, there was no way he was going to look away. For moments he wasn’t aware of himself. She moved on, and continued with her moves. Her shirt was well-fitted, and by now it’s soaked in sweat. Her thighs are now firm from the speed walking and reflected the lights from the French windows. She is now in a good moon and was glad she walked off her drowsiness.
Back in her apartment she took off her shirt. She took off her sports bra and took out her clean saucer from the dishwasher. She took a bowl and fill it half full with oatmeal, and fill it up with chocolate light soymilk. She then pour the mixture into the sauce pan. Set the stove to medium high heat and the timer to 7 minutes, she then walked into her office, habitually clicked on the button on the book mark bar that took her to her email server. In the inbox she saw a reply from her ex-boyfriend. She had thought about him and sent him an email two days ago. "Just want to know how you are doing." was what she stated. In this past two days when she didn’t see his immediate reply, she thought he had deliberately ignored her. Different from herself years ago, she now found herself at ease with such lack of attention. Somewhere between the days when she dated a lot of irrelevant people and they days she is living now, she decided that the reason that she is single is because she has took on a very bad attitude. "Take it or leave it." is what she often said to herself when she find herself writing emails to men she hasn’t met yet.
Her ex-boyfriend and her have lived in the same city. He is a high school social science teacher in the state right across the river from their city. But for the past two years they have not seen or talked to each other since the day he sat on the edge of her bed and said, "this is not working," and left her where she was.
Since those days, the shock of the real world, and the process of her acceptance to herself made her someone different from whom he had met back in 2006. But sometimes she just need a stick to measure how far she had gone. She was looking for a reference point, even though she know so well all people move on, and change who they are. In reply, he said, "
Hey…Thats funny…. You were in a dream I had about a week ago… Dont
worry you had clothes on…:)
I am doing well…. Its been a good school year but I more than a
little ready for the end… My ugly red car finally died about a week ago…
I am still planning a memorial service…. it should be quite
emotional…:)
How about you?…. Any big trips recently or in the future?…. How is
your cat?…. that cat hated me…:) "
She was happy that his reply was personable, that he was addressing things on his mind directly to her. He is a recovery addict. With 15 years clean, sometimes he still finds himself stumble over expressions. It had been an issue two years ago; too many taboos she didn’t understand when she’s around recovery addicts. She has since educated herself, and realize that it didn’t really matter if he drinks or she had to avoid drinking around him. She is not looking to date him.
In reply, she attached her pictures of her torso, showing her new found muscle above her pelvic bone. She told him that she was actually going after six pack. "I hope these photos can serve to entertain you…" she said.
She wrote,
"No one should ever take the cat’s behavior too personally. Though he is not likely to say, "it’s not personal, it’s only business," …he’s just a cranky old man. My cat’s been living with my mother in NJ, because I had broken my wrist at the end of March. I am still in recovery, and myself is enough for me to take care of.
you know it’s really interesting that I have been in many people’s dreams, yet myself haven’t gotten enough sleep lately. Maybe I was too busy running around??
Did i every tell you that you totally made me respect all Scorpio man since those days two years ago; a girl can never forget the man who gave her the, um, with all his grace. LOL. I am yet to find someone with the same, um, quality, but the past two years I spent much time searching for my purpose in life and have been slacking the job of seducing boys.
I am sorry to hear your red car has reached his final day; I can only imagine the inconvenience! but it’s a good thing you told me cause now I won’t be looking for the high school teacher in the red car!
I will be traveling to Taiwan again at the end of June. I feel I have been on this interesting time line—every time i go back, my friends move on a little bit in their life…first it was college, and then graduate school, and then new boyfriends, and then the first jobs…who knows what’s going to happen next time I am there? attend their weddings? hold their kids? I myself, will be going to graduate school in the fall in a school in town. I decided to stay at where I am not only because the school’s tuition is about $25000 cheaper than the other schools of my choice, but also I really love this town. Plus the school is on the street that i live on, so I will have to walk down this street for about 15 minutes and I will be in school. How convenient. i am a very fortunate person. The only down side is the department consist largely female population. I will not be sitting on any professor’s lap. 
since I might be learning how to surf with my friends when I am in Taiwan, I have been trying to get in shape despite a broken wrist. Attached photo is my new found muscle above my pelvic bone. It wasn’t exactly what i was looking for because I am going for a six pack. I hope these photos can serve to entertain you…lol"
In one of her pictures, the lower edges of her breasts are clearly visible. She had thought that those curves might mean more to men then to herself. For woman, those are just breasts, for man, it’s the fountain of desire and warmth. She had guessed that those curves might made difference to the receiving end, but she was not certain.
In reply, he wrote, "Hey…
Sorry to hear you broke your wrist… how did you do it?…. punching
out a would be mugger is my bet…
What graduate program are you pursuing?… How long is the program?
And let’s get one thing straight missy….:)… Its not ALL scorpion
men that are passionate like me…. only the select few… and truth be
told… physical chemistry needs to come from both people… you brought
it out of me… pardon the pun…:)… Im sorry you havent met someone
who can provide you with the same results… Let me just say that i
am willing and available…:)
and as far the pics you sent…. I cannot guarantee that all future
dreams of you will have you clothed…:) "
In the past two years, she had contacted him through Myspace, and he had said the same thing, about being available. However when it comes time to make something happen, he was always too busy. It is why she didn’t want to take him too seriously, but decide to give it a push, she wrote, "
LOL
Oh, oh, my dear,
yes, well, I wonder why everyone guessed the same thing, about how I broke my wrist! Well, the story is actually quite innocent. I was riding my bike down the street, since I was sort of in a rush, I tried pay attention to the trolley tracks, but it still got me. My bike got stuck in the tracks and I landed on my two hands.
When I got up, I said, THIS wrist doesn’t look like THAT wrist. I went to the emergency room, (actually, my first thought was, can I afford the emergency room?) and miraculously zipped through the place within an hour and half. I lived to tell the tale!
My bone has since healed, but I am going through some physical therapy two days a week.
In the past two years I realized that I am here, means in this world, to "spread the positive messages through the means of art, and provide the transformation power for those who seek it", this pretty much sum up my mission for my life. It’s a relief to realize what I mean to do in life. It’s still pretty difficult so far, and success is far away, but I am glad to be on the right track.
There’s no metal of honor for me to break your five year spell, but maybe now, as a return of favor, you can break the two year spell that’s been on me. lol! I do not mind running naked in people’s dreams or in my own apartment! As long as you share your reactions and actions!
it’s an invitation. "
It was four in the afternoon. Her anticipation had gathered all it’s tension to it’s peak. She opened a bottle of sandalwood oil, and tried to calm herself down with the scent. It’s when he knocked on the door.
She opened the door, in her shorts, hiding half of her body behind the door. "Can I help you?" she suggested.
He had appeared as she anticipated. In a simple white shirt, he looked a little bit older than two years ago, but he still looks young for his age. Leaning against his bike, he laughed nervously. He walked his bike into her foyer, and turn around. They hugged.
"What took you so long?" she asked, referring to the emails she sent in the past two years, in attempts of inviting him over.
"I had to get off from school, I am not done yet." he said.
There was only one thing on their mind, but how to get it all started?
He glanced her legs, they made conversations. She curl on her couch and asked how he’s been. he’s been the same, maybe dated a few people in between. Maybe only had sex once or twice, he torture himself like that.
Suddenly he suggested to go on the internet to check on something he’s doing on the weekend. He opened the page and went on to explain everything with this team sport that he is coaching, and invited her to the semi-final in the coming weekend. She knew he was making conversations, and part of her want to say let’s go straight to business. Even what she had done up to this point today had been completely off course of how she had conducted herself in the past, she knew some ideas are still valid and real. The girl needs a little talk to get in the mood; sometimes she herself wished her body doesn’t require as much courting as it always does.
She led him to leave her office, and sat on the couch to chat with him. She really wouldn’t mind if he takes bold moves and took the initiative. But for some reason she is the host of the game now and he was somehow waiting for her to tip him off. At once she stood up and grabbed her foot rest which she had pushed away from her couch, on there she put up her feet and now her legs are within his reach. He kept on talking and she wondered how long he was going to go on. her bare feet reminded him that she doesn’t wear shoes in her own apartment. He then took off his boots and she noticed his black socks. He seemed to want to put his feet up on the same foot rest, but he really just wanted to be closer to her. Unconsciously, he was talking himself into making the move, while getting up repeatedly to sip on his sports drink. Finally he lead forward and offered her a kiss. Without hesitation she received it with her lips softly part.
They began kissing and slowly she was filled with desire again. they held each other’s face, she moved her hands about his shoulders. Soon she moved to sit on his laps, as he start to feel about her waste and her breasts. They started to breath heavily, and she began to moan as he kissed her neck. He gently bit her shoulder with kisses. She took off her shirt, and he took off his. As he stand, she held his torso closer to her and gave him a kiss next to his belly button. She feels good about her body, and it pleases her when she knows that there’s s much more to be enjoyed ahead of her. They continued to kiss and now turned their body toward the bed. As she backed her body to the center of the bed, he continued to brush his kisses around her neck and her chest. He reached his fingers inside her bra and pinched her nipple. She used her legs to grab him closer, and she could smell that he had started to perspire.
She did not know why they had not continued to see each other. But she liked feeling of their bodies together: He knows what to do, and he likes to please her. She never knew if she had pleased him, but for some reason he made her feel that he feels good being with her. Prior to their encounters two years ago, he had abstained from sex for five years. He is, however, a very sexual person. Every move seemed so natural to him. During sex he demonstrates a bold and directness she seldom sees in his normal communications. All the hesitations are gone, he moves from one place to the other, fluently, and persistent. He continued to kiss her, and as she feels about his body, and the hair on his chest, he reached his hand inside her pants and genteelly stroking her clit that’s now swollen and dewy. The sudden intensity made her arch her back and turned her head, he bit her ear and started to lick her with more kisses.
He loves to kiss her genital and used his mouth to cover the tip of her vulva. She felt a tweak, and that swelled into a continuos waves of gentle shocks as he rolled his tongue around her clit. He did so while she lay on her back. She was aware that, as he moved his head about below herself, he wasn’t directly stimulated as she was. She so would liked to please him, but another wave of thrill that tingled her skin made her start to touch her body. He watched, and with patience he relentlessly pleased her.
For an instant it occurred to her that their body are actually quite similar in size. In the past he had expressed his discomfort with his thin built, but in her eyes it’s irrelevant. The man in front of her is a fountain of pleasure. She likes to be able to hold all the excitements in herself and still be at ease in his presence. It felt like there were so much to explore and so much pleasure to indulge, that each minute is not enough for all the thrill they want to fulfill. Their limbs, fingers, and inches of skin seem to not be enough for all the joy that could grasp.
He got up and turned her around. As he now lay on his back, he pulled her to be closer to him. He intended to continue licking her clit. She kneel above his face, and was a little surprised that he wanted to continue pleasing her. He inserted one finger inside of her and she felt a pinch that contrasted every corner of her body toward that one spot he’s now pointing at. She hugged herself and brushed her thumb against her nipples, she couldn’t help but started to move her lower body around, as he dismantle her guard with each stroke of his tongue. The heat filled her throat, and she felt the warmth at the tip of her ears. She felt a suction deep inside her pelvic and that made her arch her back. She cried and moaned while she breathed deeply. Slowly she realized that he was trying to make her reach the climax. There was a little sweetness in knowing his intent, yet she had decided not to look for the end, but enjoy each minute that she still feels her cells so hypersensitive. With so much joy, she felt the walls inside her between her thighs tightened and hungered for more. She moved her body away from his face, and he got up to look for his condoms.
When he came to the bed, he kneeled in front of her as he tear open the condom wrap. She lowered her self and put the tip of his penis into her mouth. She tasted the salty, almost gel like discharge that’s now bead up at the tip. She used her mouth to cover his entire penis, till she felt the tip had reached her throat. She heard him moan, and she started to roll her tongue around the tip of his penis. She moved her hands about his thighs, and gently she stroke his balls and the hair around it. She knew they were both a little shocked to be so close to each other after being apart for two years. She knew it because he was not completely hard, which speaks to her, that at the back of his mind, he was also tentatively exploring what they could create together. She turned around and looked him in the eyes. With her hands stroking the sides of his body, she gave him a slow, warm kiss as they licked their tongues.
He gently pushed her, as she lay down he slit on the condom. As he lowered himself on her, they kissed again. It the moment of truth, she wonder why it took herself so long. He adjusted the tip, and slowly he inserted himself into her tightened walls.
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