getmesweaty’s BodyBlog

i just need to thump myself on the forehead for being such a slacker the past few month..why does it take me so long to get rejuvenated for training each time i slow down?? i mean..it is so simple..want results..train..get results..so simple for sure..maybe i had too high of expectations for myself cuz once i slack a little i just think it will take too long to get back to where i was and i continue to slack worse..but this week i started with a new focus..and after just 2 great workouts..my body FEELS better already..i know it will take time to SEE any progress again..but the awesome feeling is back..and honestly the great feelings r way more important than how i look in the mirror anyday..so now i just have to reread these words over and over and remember just a workout or two can really get the mental clarity right back on track!!

omg..i have been on bb for over a year now..have had so much great support and awesome peeps helping me and motivating me..and only an occassional hater or jerk..but wow..i stepped into the misc forum world..and it is pure evil there!! i am shocked by how people treat everyone..especially women..scary thinking of these guys out in the real world someday!! so they turned me red today because i am not "skinny"..almost makes me feel like i have some weird disease now!!

finally started getting back on track with food again yesterday..and was so ready for a great workout this morning to keep the motivation flowing..but instead i hit my snooze button for TWO HOURS!! wtf..why would i do that?? in my mind the want is there..but in my physical body..i am just such a slacker..this sucks..now i have to try to find time tonight..so ticked off at myself right now!!

i am actually embarrassed to write about this..but i have to come to terms with my shallowness..i have 2 bffs that the 3 of us have hung out together since high school days, we all have struggled with our weight at different times..but i was always the smallest of the group..it felt good knowing that even though i knew i was out of shape..i wasnt the biggest one when we were together..but at the beginning of this year..they BOTH had gastric bypass surgery and look smokin hot now!! although i am so very happy for them..along with looking great, they both have more energy and self confidence..but, i cant help feeling some jealousy and resentment..i have been trying to reshape my body and my mind over the past year and i am still not even close to where i want and need to be..i have went up and down..have loved and hated the "clean" lifestyle..but i am no where near the success my friends have had..and they have so many new and exciting discoveries they r making on their journey that i am feeling kinda left out and overwhelmed wondering if i can ever get to some of my goals!! it really hit me last night that i need to stop comparing myself to them..but i dont think i can do that until i really admit how much i have let their success sabatoge my journey..so here i am..admitting i have been shallow and pathetic by "blaming" them for taking the "easy" way out and leaving me on my own!!

just some quick words thanking all of u who keep in touch with me..ur support..motivation..compliments..encouragem
ent and occassional butt kicking comments help me so much even on my cranky or emotional days on this journey of mine and it is soooo much appreciated..but some of u know that i am horrible returning private messages..and i do apologize as i know that i am missing out on some great connections with awesome people and i know that with u taking the time to write i should find the time to reply, but sometimes i just dont..so please dont take it personally and please dont give up on our friendship..comments r easier for me to reply too, but i know some of u prefer not to "share" ur thoughts  as it goes public that way..which is totally understandable..but in pm emails i get way to many "show me dirty pics", "oh u like ur chest" or "get off this site, this isnt breastspace" and other not so pleasant to read words..so somedays i just dont like opening the emails..avoidance is sometimes way easier..but again thanks to those that keep in touch even when i am a slacker and i apologize to those that feel i am ignoring u!!

just a few more days before my bday..and for some reason the number this year just sounds OLD..so i am trying not to let that get me down..as i am just coming out of a few weeks of attitude and resistance to the healthy lifestyle..looks like it is back to writing up new goals and trying to make sure i dont limit myself with the whole age factor!!

well it has been officially a year since i joined the fun and support of bb..and i had hoped on my year anniversary i would be able to write an awesome blog talking about all my success and progress..instead here i am low on motivation and needing a huge kick in the butt to remember how important it is to get healthier and how good i feel when i am focused and eating right and exercising daily..

i had a few cheat meals this weekend as i had 3 different parties to go to..but it wasnt stress eating, more like "life eating" and actually, i was proud of most of the chocies i made..nothing like the old jackie would have devoured at any of them..but i learned a few things from the cheating:

~ ice cream doesnt taste as good as it did when u were use to eating sugar all the time..it nearly tastes plain and thick and well, kinda nasty (OMG..did i just say that about ice cream???)

~ tummies HURT when u put too much food in them..and then it makes it difficult to sleep with the discomfort..so not a good way to end the night after a fun time out

~ i use to "cheat eat" in private cuz i was embarrassed to have people see me eat crap..now i find it harder to eat cleaner the more people i am around..seeing other people eat junk makes it almost a "normal" thing to do

~ even "healthy" choices at parties and buffets tend to be drenched in the bad stuff..and my taste buds r starting to actually recognize and resent it!!

~ now i have to do more cardip to work off some of the extra calories i indulged in..kinda a fitting consequence for cheating!! 

i will be able to make it through ANYTHING!!sooooo much is going on at work that it is sucking every last ounce of energy from me..this is the busiest month out of the year for me every year..month/quarter and year end reporting (which is not my strong area anyways) and coordinating an event that is bringing people in from all over the state, and my boss has still not even posted the position that my coworker left over a month ago..so i am still running two full positions…uuugghh..super crazy..BUT usually this month i just binge and stress eat nonstop on candy (especially the chewy kind like gummy bears..uughh) and other junk food..but i have made it half way through the month..and i have not given into my own excuses or worries..that being said..i think i am "stress typing"..instead of munching stupid food..i ease my work anxiety by being online waaaay too much..crazy how the busier we are..the less work ya want to do sometimes..well..if i can make it the next two weeks as clean as i have been..i know i can make it through anything and this journey will start moving much faster towards the positives for me and my changes..so wish me luck and thanks to all of u always for ur awesome support and for giving me another stress reliever that is way better than candy anyday!!

sooooo excited..rarely have time to scoop out yard sales..but check this out..got a curl bar, barbell, two dumbbells, 14 weights to mix and match up to 25 pounders with them AND a nearly brand new stand up PUNCHING BAG for $15.00 total…omg..can u believe that?? i paid $15 for ONE 10 pound dumbbell at a store recently!! whoo hoo..i always wanted a punching bag..and have been playing with it BIG time already..this totally boosted my excitement to get my full workouts in again..still am in shock someone would get rid of all of this..especially so cheaply..but their loss is for sure my gain which will lead to my loss of weight and gain of muscle..doing a happy dance right now!!