Tummy Be Gone…

Couple of weeks ago I discovered BodySpace and I was pumped! I contacted a few fabulous people on this site asking for their advice, one of whom actually devised a diet for me to follow (you know who you are ) and I was ready to go! Fast forward to a few weeks later and I’m still where I started. So, what happened? Umm… LIFE!
In the past three weeks, I’ve come back to Indiana from vacationing in Florida and I’ve also spent two grueling weeks on campus taking classes and attending orientation. I have been extremely busy and I’ve just not had anytime to cook, let alone plan my meals. The funny thing is that when I went grocery shopping, I bought egg whites and chicken and green veggies; I bought everything on my new meal plan. But, did I eat it. No. None of it! Instead, I ate whatever was cooked at home, or plain old junk food that didn’t leave me feeling very nice.
As I look back at the last couple of weeks and try to figure out what happened, I can’t help but think of myself being extremely overwhelmed. I’m not superwomen and while I do want to lose weight and get fit, I’m also human. I have my faults. I’ll chose easy over hard. I’ll make excuses. And, I’ll chose what I want now rather than what I want in the future. Bottom line: I’m not perfect! But, I also know that I’m not a quitter and that I can do this! I know that no matter what my day has been like, I need to exercise. I know that no matter how tough my classes are going to be, I need to eat right. I just have to do it. And, I am going to do it!
Last night I read a fabulous blog by Shannan about how to make the right choices when the wrong opportunities are presented to us. That blog made me realize two things. One, I need this website in my life. It keeps me on track. And two, I need to think about what I want the most rather than what I want at the moment. So, in the spirit of making a change and to look and feel great, I am at this very moment renewing my commitment to myself. With the support of people on this site and with my diet and exercise plan in hand, I promise to start being a healthier new me!

When you’re my size (5′1 and 166lbs) and have DD’s like me, plyo can be a bit uncomfortable. Nonetheless, today I just pushed myself and really enjoyed it. I’ve mentioned before on my blog that I’m on vacation at my parent’s home in Florida. Well, it’s hard maintaining a good clean diet with Mom’s cooking, but I’ve somehow managed to squeeze in 5 workout sessions per week for the two weeks I’ve been here. Anyway, this afternoon I was feeling lazy, but my sister and I decided to challenge ourselves by doing an exercise video with some plyo and we had a blast. I did jump squats, burpees, plyo lunges (or jumping lunges, or whatever they’re called) and then I actually, for the first time in my life did plyo push-ups! Of course I wasn’t able to do them on my toes, but I did them on my knees and I almost passed out, but I loved it!!! I also attempted doing the "pike" for my abs on the ball and almost got there. Then I did push-ups on my toes with hip-extensions at the same time! Yay! I had never thought that I could do all of that with my body, but I did! I also managed to do the plank followed by a T-stand. So, instead of being lazy and watching TV, I worked out and discovered that I CAN DO STUFF! I feel GOOD!

Today wasn’t a happy diet day. I didn’t binge and neither did I stuff myself. I just made some really awful food choices. I was really busy in the morning, but managed to eat a good breakfast. However, I was out running errands and realized that I didn’t have any water, or a snack bar/piece of fruit on me. So, when I got home I was thirsty and famished and I grabbed at whatever I could find because I was just so very hungry. As I sat down to eat lunch, I couldn’t eat much because I was already quite full, but then I don’t know what came over me and I ate a slice of cake. Then in the evening, I had more cake. Why? Why? Why do I do this to myself? I knew it was bad for me and yet, I ate it!
Every night before I go to bed I look at back issues of Oxygen magazine. I look at the women in that magazine and am in awe of their bodies. But forget Oxygen; there are so many many women here that are in phenomenal shape and who are so committed to being fit. I wonder what one needs to be so committed? I wonder whether I will ever have that kind of dedication to get fit. I wonder why when I know that that slice of cake is going to go straight to my belly, I just eat it anyway.
I know that Rome wasn’t built in a day and that everyone on Bodyspace had to start somewhere. Yet, I’m realizing that what truly separates people who are fit and in shape, from people like myself, who are trying to get there, is that people like me (and I’m speaking for myself alone) are shit scared!
Honestly, I’m scared to lose weight. I really am! For the past 27 years, I’ve been the chubby one. I don’t want to be the chubby one, but what am I going to be when I stop being the chubby one? Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be called the "fit" one, but there’s this image of myself that has been ingrained in me since I was a kid that is extremely hard to alter. I can’t see myself as anything else. I want too lose weight and get in shape. I really do, but I just feel like it’s never going to happen for me. It can happen to my friend Asma because she can do it, but not me. It can happen to my baby sister, but not me. It’s ridiculous to be so negative, but this is how I feel at the moment and many other times too. I feel like it’s just never going to happen to me.
Still, given the fact that I am negative about my appearance, I can’t NOT workout. I’ve loved working out since the first time I stepped foot in a gym at the age of 14. I will always workout and I will always encourage other people to do it too. What I wish I had done since my teen years and even now, is to be conscious of my eating habits. What I also wish I would get myself to do, is to think positively. I have to remind myself that I’m not an anomaly. I can do this too!
Good night

My sister has put up a picture of me on our desktop at home and everyone gets a kick out of it. It is a picture of me crying. I remember when that picture was taken. I was 10 at the time and my father had been teasing me and I just burst into tears. My nose is as red as a reindeers’ and I’m wearing an old white tee. This afternoon, my grandmother, who is visiting us saw that picture and when she realized that it was me, she said, "Oh no! Why are you so fat now? You used to have such a nice body. Look what you have done to it." Huh? I’m 10 in that picture! I had nothing when I was 10. No boobies, no bum, no nothing. I am TEN! Would I want to look like a ten year old again? Uh NO! I’m seething because of her comments. I cannot change her, but I know I can change myself. I know all of that, but her words have really gotten to me. I’m 27 and I still like comments like hers get to me. Arrrrrgh!

I never thought I would say this, but having a bodyblog is keeping me in check! Anyway, today has been really good so far. I am on vacation at my parent’s home, so can’t go to the gym. But, I did another 60 min cardio session (3.5 miles/417cals) this morning. I really dislike cardio and would rather lift weights, or do yoga, but at least I’m moving! My diet is going better than what it has been the past month. I had egg whites (love them) and a Kellogg’s bar for breakfast. I really wanted to have oatmeal instead of the bar, but there was no fat free milk in the house. I didn’t have a snack before lunch because I really didn’t feel hungry and I’m trying to really be aware of my hunger these days and not give into the mindless munching I am so accustomed too. For lunch I ate Mom’s home cooked food (lentils with lamb; she had put a lot less oil for me) and a pita. And around 5ish I got really peckish and ate a snack bar and shared a mini bag of 94% popcorn with my sister. I’m not sure what I’m eating for dinner (preferably no carbs), but I think I’m going to have another bowl of lentils because I love them.
Anyway, I weighed myself this morning. 166.5lbs! Yikes! Hopefully next Monday I’ll be lighter. Fingers crossed!

I am finally on vacation (at my folk’s place in Florida) and feeling a little bit stress-free. I arrived here last evening and the look that Mom gave me at the airport was telling enough of the fact that I’ve gotten pudgy. So, I woke up this morning and immediately hopped on the treadmill. I did 60 mins of some running, intervals, and walking on an incline for a total of 3.51 miles and 445 calories burned. (I don’t trust that I burnt so many calories because I find these calculations to be faulty) Anyway, I’m happy that I worked out on an empty stomach and got it out of my way for the rest of the day. Now, the challenge is diet. I’m going to make sure that I eat loads of protein at every meal and stay away from the cookie jar and the pantry. Good luck to me!

Facebook is wonderful, isn’t it? Well, on Sunday I looked at the latest pictures of a friends of mine and in the past three months, the woman has lost so much weight. How did she do it? She cut out sugar and white rice. I am now attempting to do the same.
At the moment I’m busy finishing up a grad program and I’m extremely stressed. So stressed and anxious that in the past months I’ve put on at least 5 lbs. How gross is that? I’m already 30lbs overweight and well, it’s not pretty. So, after seeing my friends pictures, I decided enough is enough. (I also happened to see a bodyblog here and that gave me loads of motivation) Anyway, I’ve cut out sugar completely from my diet and by that I mean no refined sugars. I’m still eating fruit. Oh, and I’ve also cut out salt.
So, I started this on Sunday and I can feel less bloated. That could also be because my period just finished, but I’m hopeful that this lifestyle change is the best thing to do considering that I really want to change my appearance.