fromflabtofab’s BodyBlog

Hey guys. I got a wonderful little comment from a flammer on my body journal.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showpost.php?p=137495641&postcount=130

Please do not comment to him about it. It’s better to keep it unprevoked. 

 But what should I do? Should I have the mod delete it? She offered. Or should I just leave it.  If we delete it, it is no longer evidenced as a "warning" for him.  If it stays it’s there still.  On top of that, I wonder how much it needs to stay there. It just reminds me of Hester Prinn as a scarlet letter. 

And SINCE WHEN is the word "fab" a strictly gay word? That’s sad that people are so stereotypical!

So please, let me know, should I ask The nice Mod Emma to delete it for me or just let it be absolved into my journal. After all, how many people are going to specifically check on page 6… well, DANI did monopolize the first 6 posts of it, but she did that with page 5 too. And 4… So whatever.

Fee-neh! FEE-NEH!  FEEE-HE-HE-HE-HEEEEEE-NEH! 

Ok so I’m sitting in class with my student teacher and he’s getting ready to teach 6^th grade music class.  And he can’t freakin (1) say da capo al fine.  Saying it like he’s Huck Finn! And I’m like NO It’s FEE-NEH!  And I search Youtube for the funniest use of a person’s name EVER!

Behold the greatness which is Eric Mathews:

So what does this have to do with anything?  Oh just wait! I’m getting there!  It’s all about enjoying life!  Ok sure, bodybuilding and getting in shape is freakin (2) hard work! But for goodness sakes, why do you do that? To look hot, to enjoy how you feel, to do things you never could if you were a fat lard bag who sits and watches other people look hot, enjoy how they feel and do things you never could on the boobtube! So living life is all about enjoying life! Find something you enjoy.  Have I hammered that home yet?  DDR for life yo! Go out and take a hiphop class.  Go rock climbing. Grab your honey and take a stroll on the beach.  Get all wet and sandy and play volleyball. Just go enjoy your life and get out! And find someone who makes you laugh like the FEENY call does for me!

So I’m watching Joe Dirt for like the 12hundreth time because Comedy Central cycles more than the crazy Asian chick at my gym.

It’s been almost a year and a half since my mom died.  Boy do I miss her. And it’s always hard.  I gave her a Christmas present right after her death. I promised her I’d get in shape and get out of debt for the next Christmas.  Well, one happened.  I got in shape. I’m FINALLY at the point where I am in control of my body.  I’m within 1% of not being "obese" anymore.  Overweight, here I come!

But Home IS where you make it… or maybe :::hick voice::: you like to see homos naked.  But alas, it’s just like my gym. Ever since I’ve been "alienated" by my gym, I do not enjoy being there. I just want to get out of there after my workout.  I get frustrated because I see all the people who are just slimy to me.  (the workers).  I don’t mind them. I actually love them. But they sometimes make bad choices. What hurts is I’m trying to prove that I wasn’t terminated. After all, I was the ONLY worker that never sat on his butt when he was supposed to be working. I was the only one who never cussed about the customers to other workers. I never stole. It bugs me. The customer service head who is a great friend of mine now (her name is also Dani haha) said one day, "SWEET CHRIS YOU’RE HERE. I’ll actually get something done today." Which made me sad because my other friend who was working front desk was just looked at me with a look.  What she was thinking, I have no idea.  Within the first week, I was the one that the boss put on his own. A freakin (haha 1) probably million dollar facility and I’m the only one on the pay roll for half of my shift. So my "home gym" doesn’t feel like my home anymore. 

 So where do I go?  I’ll find a new home or they’ll reconcile for me right? Right.

Ohhhh Girls just wanna have fuh-un!  ok I’m done.  So DanicaX lives in a cornfield or something in Nebraska and has no clue what DDR is.  So basically here’s my vid!

What do you like to do? I enjoy dancing.  It’s my favorite thing to do. I think I MIGHT get the new Sweating to the Oldies.  OH yeah.  And I LOVE to laugh… SO that burns calories too.  That’s why I love this man:

I also love the Grind and Darrin’s Dance Grooves

So one of the guys on my cutting team said that losing weight is great, but he’s worried about not being the big guy anymore.

 Well, I’m 6′6" and I’ve lost 75 pounds.  And I am no longer the "big guy." I’m just the tall guy.  It’s all about your personal image.  What do you want to be?  What do I want to be? 

I saw Dr. Phil one day say, "You like being fat."  Since that moment, I started hating this guy. Here’s a story:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ciKeV_7GvM[/youtube]

So who do I want to be? I want to be the "sexy guy" not the "big guy."  I want to be the HEALTHY guy, not the fat guy.  I want to be the trainer that people say, "I want to look like him."  Do I Like bein fat? no. And now I’m not hiding behind my size. That’s why I finally got the nerves to try out for a musical.  Who am I?  Who are you? Are you comfortable with that?

So for the last week I’ve been preparing for my Altar Boyz audition.  I got down to Chicago at 11. So I had to wait for 2 hours.  There were about 70 people who showed up.  We did the dance break from the song I was studying. So I already knew the audition dance. It was fun.  They asked if you anyone knew any tricks. I said, I can kick higher than anyone here.  (Because I’m 6′6) hahah   It got a giggle from the auditioners and after I showed them, I got cheers from the guys.  Then they gut about 40-50 people.  Oh well.  I went home.  First audition.  I totally used the wrong color for my resume. I used cream. You’re supposed to use white.  And my headshot was about 45-50 pounds heavier than I am now. BAH!

 I need to get new headshots after I lose the next 30 pounds and THEN I need to take some dance classes. It’ll be great.

So for the last week, my goal was to lose 10 pounds.  Crazy thing is it happened.  But I wasn’t like deathly hungry.  I actually had to force myself to eat more.  So cleaning up what you eat totally makes sense. You just need to know what you want to eat.  

This is what I sent to my D-Team forum for the cutting contest:

What would you do if I told you I haven’t had hunger pains in a week, and I’ve been FULL all week?
Huh guys? What would you do?

Because I haven’t. And I have had TROUBLE getting up to 2500 calories! The ONLY day I got over 2600 calories this week is when I ate 17 ounces of a STEAK! I think I’ve found what works for me… and I have NO desire to eat out! I LOVE the food I have.  

So here are some ideas:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=t_qddCQktYA[/youtube]

 It’s nice enjoying what you eat. 

So, I got a myspace message from Altarboyz Chicago.   My favorite musical. I’m going to see it Sunday. Anyway, they are holding open call auditions on February 1.  I feel too fat…. I can’t make it… Wait! Who cares. This is your dream! DO IT! Try out. What’s the worst thing that can happen? You meet some cool people. You can give it a try!  They won’t take you if you’re not ready.  Ok FINE! So here are the dances. They’re hokie to some. For me, it’s AMAZING.  It’s so much fun.  So don’t make fun. It’s my dream.

 And HERE is the Chicago cast. The one I fell in love with:

I’ve been learning the dances.  They’re quite complicated.  I’m thinking of putting myself on youtube. What do you think? AHHHHHH

Right?  Thanks for those of you who gave good comments.  I’m doing "better."  I went off Hydroxycut because my stash ran out! I wonder if those things are addictive.  I think they made me feel a bit dependant.  The weight came off so quick.  But I was emotional.  And after 5.5 weeks I was depressed out of my gourd.  I had a wonderful wine binge with a food binge to follow. And realized I don’t like food anymore!  I prefer clean food to junk food.  However, I still have that addiction to stuffing my face when I feel bad.  But it never is as fulfilling as it used to be. 

So this morning I ate a good breakfast.  I am going to have a good workout tonight because it’s Zumba day.  I have an interview tomorrow for the PT job.  And I was roped into singing this week at church.  I’m the choir director not a singer! BAH! Oh well. It’s my last weekn on stage for a while.  I stepped down because I felt empty with the church stuff. We’ll see…

 Hmmm.. I like that song. "We’ll see" from Rent. Wow, I was listening to Copland. Tis a gift to be simple, Tis a gift to be… OOOOO Let’s switch to a musical about HIV awareness and a crazy lifestyle! Logical transition… Quaker to Bohemian! SWEET! 

 HA! Dani, you thought YOU were ADHD!

So I don’t know how to deal with this.  I finally got enough guts to call my counselor last night. But his phone was not accepting calls.  And now, I finally get a hold of him and he says he can’t meet this week. Not that I should expect him to.  I haven’t talked to him in a while.  But here I am.  I feel so bad.  I almost was reduced to sobs.  It’s not like I’m this pansy who just cries over spilled milk.  I’m overtaken with uncontrolable pain.  Emotional pain.  That makes me physically sick.  It’s so bad that I couldn’t even bring myself to go to my favorite class at the gym today.  It’s the dance class too.  The one I never get to go to because of my music lessons, but the lessons canceled. 
I watched a movie last night where a guy turned to drugs to release.  I won’t do that. But what I saw in the movie was VERY interesting. He got so deep he lost his best friend. After a few months, he reunites with his best friend and he loses it in front of his best friend. His best friend leaves him alone in his apartment because he has moved on because he can’t do it anymore. Makes sense because it hurts so bad to see the druggie in that state.  The druggie is then seen in a high state freaking out. He is halucinating that there are people behind him. He goes to hit him and his hand goes into a window.  You watch the blood trickle out of his wrist.  Ever wonder what that feels like?  And then there’s Heath Ledger….. But I’m sure you know about that story. Don’t worry I’m not going to do anything stupid. BUT it’s hard when those things pop up in your life sometimes.

 So I don’t know. I just needed to get that out. Thanks for listening.