OK this is how sick I am. My wife and I are going to go see Eddie Money last Saturday at the Beach Club down the street from my crib, a small local club here on Siesta Key which used to be a serious dive but is now a respectable place since they tore the old hole down a rebuilt the Starbucks of nightclubs. Jackasses.

Anyway, I am picking out her outfit and pick out her hot jeans and my favorite thong and every time I walked by those folded up jeans and thong on the dresser I would get all excited about drunk wife later. A folded pair of jeans and underwear, people: Thats all it takes. No human whatsoever. No mammal of any sort, for that matter. Cotton is all I need and I can pick lots of that without any help from anyone, although a plantation and involuntary labor would surely make the operation profitable.
?

Soooooo . . . I have a massive pornography collection on eBay. Four Billion terabytes of hot sexy nastiness for a low low price. Go bid. Enter the search term: foreign objects.

Now leave me and my cotton collection alone for a while. Close the door. Thanks.