flbabyk’s BodyBlog

Today I said to myself: "I’m gonna be rich."

Well, in order to do this, I had to devise a plan.

"I know! I’ll sell something that Americans want, no, something they NEED (or think they need). I’ll make it like a drug… yeah… like a legalized version of cocaine. Nobody will be able to resist my product!!! My product will be a best seller.. everyone will want it, even if they don’t know exactly why. It will be the "in" thing. Once I put it on the market, it will spread like wildfire. My product will be found in every house, every apartment, every office building, on every streetcorner. I’ll make it a food, or even better… I’ll hide it IN food. I’ll hide it in as many foods as possible. I’ll make it cheap. Extremely cheap. It will be so popular that I won’t need to charge much for it to line my pockets with millions. Hmmm… but what if my product is dangerous? What if it hurts people? Oh, no bother… noboby will be able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that use of my product causes disease. Besides, the FDA will back me because they’ll make a ton of money off of drug sales to treat the ill effects of my product!!!"

Man, I started to get so excited that I began researching how to put my plan in action. It didn’t take me long to find this article:

http://www.rense.com/general45/sguar.htm

I found out that:

                

The chemical formula for cocaine:          C17H21NO4.

The chemical formula for refined sugar: C12H22O11

The difference? Sugar is missing one nitrogen atom. Statistically, Americans consume more than their body weight per year in refined sugar, which is hidden in practically all processed foods. It’s known to cause hypertension, diabetes, depression, neurological disorders, weight problems, dental rot, nutrient deficiencies, and a multitude of other ill effects on the human body.

"Dang it." I said to myself "Somebody beat me to it."

I, like any of you all out there, have struggled. These past few weeks have been a serious personal hell for me. At times, I seriously considered just throwing in the towel. Why do I put myself through this? Do I hate me? I’m tired of feeling tired… tired of feeling like I’m not progressing… sick of feeling like I’m not going to make it… fed up with the cravings… lacking the confidence I once had in the beginning of contest training.

I decided to keep plugging along, though, and today, after a perfect mix of motivating factors, I saw a glimmer of light through the clouds. I met with MJ (my trainer) after her pro show, and seeing her there in the flesh renewed my confidence at what was possible. Don’t get me wrong, a picture can be inspiring… but when there is a person standing right next to you who has felt your struggles and kept going all the way to the Pro stage… it got my blood going. When she demanded that I rep out 8 more ham curl negs on each leg and I truly didn’t believe I had anything left… my resolve hardened. When tears threatened to spill at the end of my leg workout, and I could barely walk… my confidence was renewed. When MJ told me we were cutting back on calories even more (less than 1600), carb cycling, and adding in twice a day cardio + normal workouts to failure… my nerves steeled. Why was I feeling depressed? Moody? Sad? I didn’t have someone there pushing me when all I wanted to do was push back.

As I hit the Precor glider for a 155BPM cardio session just before the gym closed tonight, my muscles were tired & my mind was fuzzy… but I put one foot in front of the other. Then, they just seemed to go. I stepped up the tempo on my music, kept an eye on my HR and hit it. Sweat soaked through my t-shirt and sprayed all over the floor… and a dance remix came on at the end of my cardio session. It was perfect… It sampled cuts from MLK’s "I have a dream" speech. As I zoned for those last 5 minutes, I felt like I was home. There we go… this is what it’s all about. I got the chills… I have a dream again. Thank God, I have a dream again.

-9 wks out / 15.2%bf

So it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged & I felt compelled to put some random bb thoughts down in print. I sit here, gorging myself on flinstones kid’s gummi vitamins. It’s the only cheat I’ve allowed this week, but I’m feeling a bigger one coming on soon. Which brings me to this thought: I had no real cravings to speak of until I crashed off of my No2Xplode today. Now, I don’t want to bash BSN or anything, NoXplode is a serious supplement! There is no way it would have gained the popularity it has if it wasn’t… however, I find that I have to limit myself to a scoop every once in awhile, kind of as a treat. I crash so hard off of it, that when I come down a few hours later, I’m lethargic, and my blood sugar is ridiculously out of whack. I’m really better off without it, but I like the whole "instant badass in the gym, just add BSN" feeling. So, I bought a bottle of gummi flinstones vitamins at Sam’s club today & went to town. Probably not the best idea, but I’m sure there are worse things to splurge on out there. I am cutting rather quickly this week, so I’m hoping the extra 100 cals won’t kill any progress. Speaking of progress… I was so nervous to hit the beach house with the family at the beginning of this month. 7 full days off??? No weights? No strict diet???? Who does that when a competition is nearing? I really had no choice, these plans were made a long time ago, and in truth, I’d been training so hard that I more than likely needed it. Despite my efforts to find a gym nearby, I ended up taking some time just to relax. I hit the hot tub every night, ate whatever I wanted (all healthy stuff) and made sure to hit up the protein a couple times a day, kept my water consumption high, and went for a couple short cardio sessions. That’s it… the whole week. I jumped on the scale when I came home, dreading what I might find. Strangely, the scale, my body, my energy level, and my definition were telling me that the week I "wasted" was not wasted. See… I had been feeling rather lousy, chest cough all the time, irritable, ridiculous cravings, hellatious time getting to sleep. I had taken it all in stride. My ex-soldier mentality got me in the habit of pushing past the point of failure… and maybe these symptoms were just those of a competitor. How did I not recognize the signs of overtraining until AFTER I’d taken the time to rest up and heal? The fact that I am seeing gains and progress so rapidly after coming back shows me that my body was desperate for some time off. It was trying to tell me what it needed, but I was being hard headed. By taking three steps forward every day, I was actually taking one back. The lesson I’ve learned is that stress is the enemy, while patience, diligence, and faith in your program are the keys to success. Success is slow in the making. It is the culmination of small steps daily which bring us to our destination. Because if we start out at a dead sprint, there’s no way to keep up that momentum, and when we trip, stumble, and fall, it’s harder to pull ourselves up out of the dust. I am seeing gradual changes and struggling with my impatient nature. But in the last month, I’ve found that pushing yourself is great… but pushing yourself all the time is just madness. "Recovery" is that overlooked, underemphasized, but essential part of a good training program. Our bodies tell us what they need, the art is in learning how to listen. Best of luck to all of you out there on your own path to being your best. As always, your thoughts are welcome -Kris

Here we go… the start of a new week. My motivation is renewed, and it’s no surprise that it corresponds perfectly with my hormonal cycle. Any other competitor chicks out there have the most insane time sticking with the program during PMS time? Last week, it was all I could do to keep it together during the countdown to "D-Day". I journaled and really paid attention, and it seems that hormonal shifts were causing some serious cravings and motivational issues. I literally woke up with the most intense sugar cravings I have ever had, and ended up making a beeline for the fridge. At one point, before I knew it, I was in front of the fridge at 2am looking for ANYTHING sugary / high calorie I could find. Is this a fitness competitor’s life? Luckily, I had cleaned everything out of the cupboards and the worst I could find was sugar free jelly and skippy peanut butter with sugar free fat free butterscotch pudding mix. Yes, I did… don’t laugh, please I struggled BAD with mood, food control, and intense sugar cravings. Then, when it came time, I had a 1.5 day period. Looks like the amenorrhea is already starting. Is this normal 3 months out from competition? I’m not THAT low on bf% yet. So… here I am, a few days later, and my moods have stabilized, the 5 lbs of water weight has dropped off, I don’t feel crazy, and I am satisfied with my 1600 calorie meal plan. Not even really interested in sugar. WTF? Really? I’m planning on hitting it hard this week to drop 1.8 lbs before my hormones send me into a tailspin again. All you chicks out there… send me your thoughts! Please tell me I’m not alone & someone must have some tips for when this happens!

Well, I suppose you really can teach an old dog new tricks. I’m visiting family in Ohio this month, and my folks sat me down for a talk. They were unhappy with their weight and general health, and had reached the saturation point. They told me they were ready for a new way of life, and that they knew it was necessary to find out what that is, and find it out now. They are watching their parents/in-law’s (my step-grandparents’) health deteriorate rapidly in their old age, and have vowed that they will never be in the condition where they need to have an oxygen tank, or help doing daily tasks. So they asked me for my help. They can see that what I am doing is working, and that I might have the answers they are looking for. So they have put their complete faith in me to be their personal trainer, advisor, nutritionist, and life coach for the next month. What a role reversal! These are the people who have told me what to do all of my life… and here I am, in a position where I am teaching the basics of health that I had taken for granted. It is so awesome, because they are incredibly motivated to start on a new path, and are in their early 50’s. I am inspired at their desire to begin taking more responsibility for their physical well-being, and I’m 100% in on this task. It’s a pretty heavy duty responsibility, though. I’m prepping for a contest, and now not only do I have these programs to design, but 3 people’s meals to plan, and I’ve been prepping everything for them the first week so they can adopt the habits immediately. I only have a month to work with. How do I get them to crawl, walk, and run with this new way of living before I’m out of town? They are on day 3 of eating clean, 6 small meals a day, and doing daily light / moderate cardio… and have already told me that they feel great, the food tastes wonderful, and they’ve noticed decreased inflammation. I am so excited at what I’ve seen already, that my sis and I chipped in for a workout bench off of craigslist and set up a home gym in their basement. I am so driven to make this a part of their life, but I think we all share the same fear: that when I am gone, and it gets hard to maintain a fitness routine and plan / prepare meals, they will fall off, give up completely, and return to their previous habits… letting the weight bench collect dust, and packing on the pounds again. So what do you guys think? I’m working hard to get this going, but I’m sure there are things I’m not thinking of. How can I make this even more practical and manageable for their lives? I’d like to have the folks around for as long as possible & want to help give them the gift of a better quality life for every single one of the years they have remaining!

Following is a message I wrote to a fellow bodyspacer. After writing, I thought maybe some of you all might be able to identify, and maybe even benefit from the train of thought I pursued. I’m so thankful for this site, and for all of you who share this lifestyle which so many just don’t "get".
Recently I had to say "no more yo-yoing". I was tired of the weight gain then loss, then gain again. Tired of having to get super motivated and "back on" a program, when as a good friend put it: "it’s so much easier to not ever stop working out".

That stopped me in my tracks. My mentality was all wrong. I am now where you’re at, but it took a long time. I’ve just accepted the demands that this lifestyle will have on my time and my life… for good. Committment to this way of life cannot be taken lightly, because, like you said, it’s just like brushing your teeth. Meal planning and hitting the gym has become just "what I do".

If I think too hard about it, I talk myself out of it for the day and tell myself how busy I am, and how many things I have to do. Once I get through the gym doors, though…  everything changes. All that matters is the sweat, the reps, the music, and being in the zone. Outsiders call it an addiction, because I suppose that’s how it appears. I suppose anything that releases endorphins, puts you fully in the NOW and is habitual can be called an addiction.

I tell u what, though… I’d much rather be addicted to a healthy lifestyle and something that builds my body up than, say, cocaine… lol. That’s why i really like this site, because while I don’t encounter a lot of people who understand that I’m ‘just not like them’, I see them everywhere here. It gives me a world and a community where my "strange" habits are acceptable and even encouraged.

Anyways… have a great day, I’m off to baby my ridiculously sore hammies. Killed legs today

Last time I blogged about the pitfalls of an "all or nothing" attitude. While I think that kind of mentality is inherent in the bodybuilding / fitness lifestyle, sometimes we really need a reality check. My reality check came last week.
This past Thurs, my grandpops passed away. I got the phone call while I was at the gym, in the middle of a leg workout. While processing the situation, I was flooded with emotions, and thoughts such as: "how do I fly home on such short notice?", "How do I continue to progress in my fitness goals while giving myself the proper time to grieve?", "How do I stay on my program while making it a priority to be there for my loved ones?". The answers weren’t easy, and they came one at a time. I sat down for a second and let all of these questions process.

Then, I attacked them one at a time. #1: what could I do immediately?  Answer: Nothing. Another hour finishing my workout was not disrespectful to my gramps, and would help me clear my mind about how the next few days would unfold. At that point, I had every excuse to leave the gym and deal with my personal stuff. Nobody would have blamed me one bit. But I refused to use this tragic personal loss as an excuse to "derail", or "quit". So off to the cardio room I headed. Tears in my eyes, I looked at my trainer MJ, and she immediately knew something was wrong. We talked for a brief moment, and after the emo stuff, she looked me dead in the eye and said: we both need some cardio. Come on, let’s go.

How could I say no?

Maybe she was right. I turned on the mp3 player, hopped on the treadclimber, and let muscle memory take over while my thoughts swirled. At this point, when I can’t make head nor tail of anything, I tend to pray. It was short, sweet, and simple: "God tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it." By the time I got off the cardio machine, my answer was clear as a bell… "you need to fly home and be with your family… no matter the pricetag on the plane ticket".

So there was that answer. I think the heavy breathing and sweat helped me to hone in on the signals I was getting. I got home, began making calls and arrangements… and I was on a plane that night. In my bag: funeral attire, general hygiene, healthy snacks, running clothes, laptop, mp3 player and a tub of protein.

Exhausted, I hopped a red-eye and arrived in Ohio at 9am. The weekend was a blur of emotions and familial obligations… there was no time to plan meals, no time to lift weights, and certainly not enough time to sleep well. But I continued to keep my goals in the back of my mind, and fit a quick run in on 2 of the days, so my cardio didn’t suffer too horribly. That’s all I could manage. my eating was less than stellar, but I made sure to supplement with protein to combat muscle loss, and I had water with me at all times. I couldn’t log my food, sleep, or habits, but minded my watch and made sure to eat something every 2.5 hrs. Thankfully, I was able to handle the difficult time beside my family, and nobody looked at me crooked for strapping on the tennies and taking a morning jog. I’m back home now, grandpa is gone, I refuse to grieve for too long because he would hate that.

So now I’m back on the program. I hit the weights as soon as I got home and had adequate sleep. I feel like I’m back on track… however, I realize that this will not be the first time, or the last that "life" will happen while I’m on the competition preparation clock.

But now I am prepared in the knowing that my committment to this lifestyle and program means that even when the most difficult situations arise, there are small ways to stay on track, even if you are unable to do everything "perfect" as normal. There must first be that contemplation process, where difficult questions are confronted in an organized and honest manner. Like… "how important is this event?", "what can I do?", "will this decommission me?", how much time and energy am I willing to give to this situation without compromising the committment I’ve made to my coach, my body, and my competition?".

The all or nothing mentality is great, but it has it’s time and place. Sometimes, when life happens, you simply can’t give it your "all". 100% is impossible 100% of the time. So in those moments, when the daily routine of 6 meals and 2 workouts is completely flipped upside down and tossed out the window, the mentality must switch to: "something is better than nothing"… and "I have other obligations to honor right now. Once dealt with, I’ll be back".
MJ’s attitude and drive during diversity has really been a shining example to me as well. She’s hit some brick walls in her personal and professional life that at any moment could have tripped her up. But she stared adversity right in the eyes, and continued pushing like a pro. I suppose that’s why she is a pro. Her outlook and ability to overcome has been an inspiration.

So I suppose that this is where champions are born… at these "forks" in the road which are laid out in front of us. I suppose when we accept that tragedy is imminent, we can mentally prepare so that it doesn’t debilitate us. I miss my grandpa, but at least he’ll have a fantastic seat to watch me kick ass in November.

To all of you out there, Keep Reppin’

-Kris

Well, I have yet again fallen victim to my own "believe and achieve" attitude. I’m sure a few of you out there can relate. I hit the wall last week, and found myself with any and all symptoms of overtraining. While I value my trainer’s plan, and a sound nutrition / supplement plan, it looks like there is a possibility of "shocking" your body just a little too much. I hit the ground running training for this competition, but now I’ve decided to back off a little, train consistently, and challenge myself with really really tough workouts only once or twice a week. I was giving 137.5% at almost every lifting workout, and hit the dreaded "overtraining" status Friday. Came down with a cold that turned to an upper respiratory infection when I just refused to take a day off, aggravated an old neck injury on back day, got irritable, cranky, and famished… and I finally realized, this just won’t do. My solution? A cheat meal. It had been over a week, so I didn’t let the guilt get to me. What did it consist of? Oreos, Trolli Sour Gummi Brite Crawlers, and a mini supreme DiGiorno’s. (I think the love of Food is buried deep inside these Italian genetics…) My stomach felt like it was about to explode… ugh, as gross as I felt afterwards, I convinced myself it was for the best and then proceeded to sleep for 11 hours (guess I needed it). Was still feeling puny Sunday, so I took it off, too. I’m happy to announce that I haven’t gained a pound, I’m right back on track today with my weekly workout plan, and have 2 training sessions with MJ along with a 2 hour posing and meal plan meeting Wednesday. I’m traveling out of state for a month, and need to get all of the ducks in a row so I know what I should be doing, and where I should be when I get back. Hopefully, as my body adapts, I’ll need less and less of those gluttonous days. I just don’t think the ol’ body had the calories it needed to support what my brain is telling it to do Anyways…. that’s the update. It’s gonna be a good week…

& thanks to all of you who continue to be an inspiration to me

Ummmm… Ok, so a frank question to all of you guys out there… is it really so strange to see a girl busting her ass in the gym? Why do I feel like everytime I go in and do a balls to the wall workout, I have eyes on me everywhere? Not to sound ditzy or anything… I know, I’m a chick, and dudes check out chicks… but does it occur to guys that there are girls who don’t go to the gym to look cute and get attention? Does it occur to anyone that maybe I just want to zone out to my music, sweat my ass off, push my body to the limit, and have people not stare for ONCE??!? I know, I have 3 options… work out at home, stop working out, or get over it. It’s just ridiculous… I don’t follow anyone around the gym, or steal glances at someone while they’re benching. I’m involved enough in my own workout that I don’t watch what someone else is squatting, or eye them every time they go to the drinking fountain. I don’t stare at a dude’s ass when he’s doing kettlebell lunges, or stop my bicep curls when a dude with a tight ass walks by me. I know, I know, this is life, and I just need to deal with it. Still, guys… have some respect. Some girls are there to do what you’re there to do… sweat, burn it out, and leave. That’s it. One thing that bothers me more than people who go to the gym and waste their time is those people who bother people who are at the gym for a reason. Ugh… to all the guys out there- don’t be that creepo.

MJ surprised me with back day. Lots of pull ups, wide grip cables, and rows. Back and bi’s day shouldn’t take more than an hour. I’m going to go heavy now, since I’m still months away from the show. Speaking of… I’ve got a show picked out. South Florida Bikini NPC… in Hialeah Florida. Yes, it would appear to be on Thanksgiving. And here I thought I wouldn’t be missing any more holidays after getting out of the service. HOWEVER…. a contest around holiday time will keep me focused on not "letting myself go" to the winter blahs, which has happened in the past. Don’t worry, Family! I’ll still be up to Ohio for Christmas Ok, well… the neck injury is rearing its ugly head today, so it’s time to turn in. For anyone who’s interested, the supersite article entitled "BCAA Supplementation for Athletes" is quite informative. I really needed a reason to stay on a good BCAA schedule… and that site got me going. I’m thinking proper supplementation, a good intense cardio schedule, and hard work will help me shave off these next 8 lbs. Weigh in was pushed to Thursday, so we’ll see what we’re working with and I’ll post some body stats. Progress pics are too lame to post just yet. I’ll put them all up when some more definition starts to show.

Until then, Keep reppin’

-Kris