Shock Value
This is not a fitness related post.
This weekend was very shocking for me. I was trying to find out about a relative that I hadn’t seen since I was a small child. In searching for information about him I stumbled onto a genealogy site and ran across a post from a woman who was adopted as a child and was trying to find out more about her biological family. She did mention in her post that she had been in contact with her biological father but he wouldn’t give her information about her past on his side of the family. She listed her biological fathers name, and the small amount of information she had pertaining to him and his family. The shocking part of this was reading the information and realizing that this woman’s biological father is the same as mine (same name, grandparents, birth date, place of birth, etc). She is my half sister. I have no details at all about anything. But you can imagine how this rocked my world. It’s not every day that you reach the age of 40 and find out you have a sibling you never knew about. The second shock was seeing her "profile" name on the site and seeing that it had "69" as part of the name. I was born in 1969, so if the number in her profile name is her birth year, then we were born in the same year.
I spent a lot of Friday night and Saturday in shock over finding this information. I don’t speak with my biological father, so I can’t call him for answers. I have worked very hard over the last 10 years in hiding myself so that he can’t find me and I am definitely not going to go hunting for him to ask him about any of this. But I did sign up for the genealogy site and send her my contact information. I’m not sure if she will receive it or not, since her post was made back in 2002, but I’m hoping she gets it so that we can "talk". If that doesn’t work, I’m not sure what I will do. It would be very hard for me to drop it and not pursue it further. But getting in touch with my biological father is not something I want to do. Although it would be extremely easy for me to do it, if I chose to. I am in contact with my aunt (his sister), and we talk via e-mail a lot, but my one condition in keeping in contact with her is that she never tell her brother where I am or how to contact me. And I have no idea if she knows about this woman or not, so I don’t want to ask her. I know that we don’t share the same biological mother. But I don’t want to talk to my mom about this until I know more, especially if this girl and I were born in the same year. Even though my mom and him are divorced, I know it will be a huge shock for her too. So my hands are kind of tied. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she contacts me, and I don’t have to worry about other ways to try to find her.
Much of my weekend was taken up researching (with no success to speak of), so my workouts were not very good this weekend. I did eat very clean this weekend though! Well, except for having a few too many glasses of red wine on Saturday night!
November 9, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Holy.Crap. The only other thing I can think of is Facebook. It’s amazing who you can find on that site. My thoughts and virtual hugs are with you my dear.
November 9, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Wow, no wonder your workouts weren’t too great. What a distraction(!) It’s amazing that you made it to the gym at all. Kudos to you.
That is indeed an undiscovered twilight zone episode. Wow. Makes my head spin just thinking about it. Keep us posted on how this turns out, I’m captivated by this amazing happenstance.
November 9, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Now that’s just plain out whacked. Like Herm said..twilight zone type of stuff there. Good luck with what ever you do with this situation. All I can say, if it were me, I’d leave it. But that’s me. You do what you feel is best for you. And I hope your head stops spinning soon so you can get back to concentrating on those workouts.
November 9, 2009 at 12:32 pm
stone me k,that would nock the toffee out of me!
what a bloody weekend! chantelle has a point with facebook. dont think i would be able to drop that either. all the best to you with this.
November 9, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Ditto…..Wow. Not something that happens everyday. Good luck finding her & hope it goes well if you do.
November 9, 2009 at 12:41 pm
My heart is with you. It sounds painfully complicated and hurtful. I hope you find her and things work out for the best without involving those you DON’T want to find. Good luck Kim.
~L~
November 9, 2009 at 12:48 pm
What a revelation. I hope you are able to make meaningful contact with her. I hope your confusion subsides and you are able to have a good week and good workouts.
November 9, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Wow…that is just amazing..and how odd that you stumbled upon that. Somethings happen for a reason. I do hope that you find out what you need to.
November 9, 2009 at 12:56 pm
That is so crazy! I can’t imagine what you;re going through. I hope she contacts you because it seems as if that’s the only way you will find peace.
Stay strong girlie
November 9, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Yikes~ what a shock. Good luck on this.
November 9, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I think now that you ventured this far, it’s best you speak with your aunt on the information you found.Maybe further along the process you open up to both your mom and dad once you speak with this potential half-sister.Do you have full siblings now?? I think you need to be as open and forthcoming as possible.It will help you with any stress and healing in this process.Just my 2 cents! take care & good luck!
November 9, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Perhaps she still uses that email address or she has some other web presence through which you can track her down, if not. Sounds like your aunt is the only other person who could help if that doesn’t work.
My wife had a half sister (died a few years ago) and her side of the family has always been sort of a mystery to her. This sister was my wife’s only link to information about their common mother, who died when my wife was a small child. Surrounding the half-sister’s death, my wife came into contact with that other side of the family and enjoys the contact with them, learning about them, and the full picture of her genealogy.
November 9, 2009 at 2:42 pm
What a surprise, probably felt almost surreal, I know it would to me. I probably couldn’t stop now until I found her. Just don’t let it totally consume you or you will lose focus on all of the other things you cherish in your life now. All the best to you Kim.
November 9, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Wow, isn’t the internet an amazing animal? Well, I believe there is truly a reason for everything. Even if you never get to talk to or meet this 1/2sis, it may be validating for all the reasons you distrust and avoid your father. Although I am certain you need no further validation for that. My mother always thought she was daddy’s little girl and when she became an adult she learned that she too had a 1/2 sis and it was very hurtful to her. Even I, as a grandchild was a little resentful of the lady’s baby girl, who seemed to have no manners nor did she have an inside voice- lol!
November 9, 2009 at 3:24 pm
WOW. I can’t imagine how surreal this is for you.
My kids have a half sister who is in her early 20’s. They met her for the first time last summer. We rarely keep in touch although there was no way we wanted them to not know about her.
I hope you’re able to get in touch with her and see what info she can share with you on everything that happened back in ‘69.
How crazy.
November 9, 2009 at 3:45 pm
It’s 2009 and people can’t hide even if they don’t know they’re hiding.
I lost touch with my step-sisters about 15 years ago. I decided I was going to find them. After about 3 years it happened.
Time is on your side. Here are some suggestions:
1) Use different search engines like Google, Ask, Yahoo, AOL, Bing, etc.
2) Think about possible relationships like grand parents, parents, sisters, etc. and look for obituaries.
3) Narrow your search as much as possible like states and cities where she might live. Try to find her full name.
4) Never forget time is on your side. Be persistent and never give up.
November 9, 2009 at 4:05 pm
WOW!! I remember how it was to meet my two half brothers after 19 years of not even knowing they existed. I imediately realized why my mom was so adamant that i go to my father’s funeral even though i had no relationship with him. I am thnkful that i have a relationship with both. Good luck in your search to find her
November 9, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I tried to count how many times the word "wow" was used on this thread and gave up.
The car had to pull off the highway with smoke rising from the hood.
November 9, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Oh wow. This is a heavy load. I hope things work out for the best and you find your answers.
Oh, and thats 1 more ‘wow’ added to the count, Herm. How can you not say ‘wow’ though?
November 9, 2009 at 8:06 pm
You can’t. You gotta’ say it.
November 10, 2009 at 6:13 am
F*cking wow. (That counts for two)
I can’t imagine what you are feeling at this point. Hopefully the good will outweight the bad with this discovery.
November 10, 2009 at 8:01 am
Discovering one has a sibling (even a half-sibling) that we never knew about would be quite the shocker. If you really want to find out much about this person, and if you have their full name, there are web sites that you can use to find out a frightening amount of information on a person. Houses they’ve owned, vehicles, etc.
You might have to pay something for some of these detective sites, but you’ll get a lot more info from them. I’d try the free search engines first, though.
November 10, 2009 at 8:10 am
Wow (that’s for Herm). What a thing to find out. Kulzor is right…there are several sights that can do a background check and give you what you want.
November 10, 2009 at 8:18 am
I won’t use the W word (Herm’s calculator sounds about fried) Hope that things work out well for you. I have two 1/2s that I know about just do not have contact with nor am I certain that I want to open the door to my Mothers side of the family. Sounds like you do not have that issue with your Paternal family just the Father so I think it would be worth looking into. Good Luck!!!
November 10, 2009 at 11:51 am
Gosh…what an interesting turn of events. Both my sister and I were adopted at birth. She eventually made contact with her bio mother and 1/2 brother. We all met at a restaurant. It was strange but not bad. Her 1/2 brother had eyes exactly like hers. Nothing much came of it after that. I think she was secretly disappointed because little kids make up all kinds of fanciful and wonderful stories in their minds about who they are "really" related to. They were just normal, regular folks…Good luck with your new info. Hope something really nice comes out of it all!