I can’t believe that it has been a week since I have blogged! Part of the problem is that I can no longer blog on my lunch hour. I had my routine down… and then the company changed the "allowed" sites list and all blogging sites were on the "no" list…. and it threw off my blogging schedule! Of course that is minor compared to how stressful things have been at work. There will be mass layoffs starting next week and since I have only been with the company for two years, I’m not holding my breath that I will make it through. My problem is double-fold. Even if my position is not eliminated during the lay-offs, I happen to be part of the area that is a part of the Union. Union rules state that if someone with more seniority than me gets laid off, they can "bump" me. Bumping basically means that they get my job and I become the one laid off. So, anyway I look at it, I’m screwed. However, I try to keep things in perspective and I know that things happen for a reason. The hard part is being in an environment where everyone is so stressed out that you can feel it hitting you in waves. People are desperate and there is a lot of bickering among the Union workers. People with a lot of seniority have almost nothing to worry about since they can pick and choose who they want to bump (as long as they can do the job of the person they bump). And those with the higher seniority are walking around telling people to get ready to be bumped. Which of course is causing hard feelings everywhere. As you can imagine, it’s not a fun environment to be in right now!
One of the things that I noticed (and the hubby pointed out too) is that stress seems to make me have no energy, and no energy makes it hard for me to get my workouts in. So I am making a conscious effort to make sure that I get my workouts in. Which is where I am going once I get this posted! We also decided to redo two weeks of P90X to make up for the missed workouts. So my P90X ‘after’ pictures won’t be for a couple of more weeks. Once we are done with P90X, we will probably switch things up and go to the gym for the summer and fall and then go back to P90X in the winter.
So beinProxy-Connection: keep-alive
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aware of the challenges I am facing is important. And I am rising up to those challenges and not falling back into old habits. YAY ME!
Today’s song is by Miley Cyrus. The song is called "The Climb" and it is a great song!! This is a slower song and I have it on my "cool down" playlist.
This post will have very little to do with bodybuilding, and delves into a bit of my ‘not-so-fun’ past. Just thought I would forewarn people in case you don’t like reading about other people’s pasts or posts that have nothing (or little) to do with bodybuilding.
In the past I have written several posts about how issues we need to deal with keep coming back until we resolve them. Well, sometimes those issues come in the form of an ex… ex-spouse, ex-partner, ex-lover, etc. In my case it is an ex-husband. The really sucky thing about getting divorced when there are children involved is that you can’t really get closure with the divorce because you can’t walk away and never deal with the ex-spouse again (no matter how much we wish it were possible). In my case I have an ex who is bi-polar, mean, and manipulative (don’t worry, I won’t go into details… that would take way too much time. I will just give a little background). At a high level overview, my whole marriage was like walking on eggshells every second… I never knew what I would say or do that would set him off, because it was always something different. He was a control freak and things had to be perfectly done and in a precise order. He never did any of the work himself, just ridiculed me if I did something wrong (which was always). He was never physically abusive in the traditional sense (he mostly stuck with verbal and mental/emotional abuse). He was an ex-marine trained in specialized hand to hand combat and knew all the pressure points on the body that could drop an ox in a second. He really liked to stay on top of that skill; and I was his ox.
The constant stress in my marriage was one of the reasons I gained weight. And going through the stress of the divorce caused me to lose a lot of the weight in an unhealthy way. My ex-husband was bad when we were married, but it was nothing compared to when I left him and filed for divorce. Things got very, very, very scary for a long time. And they have stayed that way in some respects. I almost never go pick my kids up from his house alone. Chris is always with me. And having the dogs gives me a sense of security when my ex comes around when Chris is gone. Old habits die hard, and he instilled a very big sense of fear in me (a justified fear) that has taken me years to try to get over. Let me say that he has never done anything to the children, and I constantly talk to them to make sure that he doesn’t start. He is a manipulator and he is very good at it. So this area of my life is one that I constantly work on (for those of you who know me, you know how much I dislike being weak!). So whenever I refuse to play his game, it is a cause for celebration, because it is a battle won. Last night was one of the instances that I won one of those battles against his manipulations and gained back a little of myself. Yay me!
However, this morning I felt a little ill, no energy, no strength, and felt like I was getting a bladder infection (which turn into kidney infections in a matter of hours with me). I was having a hard time getting through my workout which isn’t like me. And Chris pointed out something interesting… he said that my body seems to rebel on me whenever I have a run-in like that with my ex. And it took me all of two seconds to realize he was right. SOOOOOO, since I have worked very hard on becoming a better, stronger, amazing person, I absolutely refuse to let my ex interfere with my health and well being any more. So it started out as a bad day, but it has turned into a great one. Why? Because I have tackled another issue of my past and become stronger for it. Now that I am aware of it, I can work on it. And that is more than half the battle in dealing with “issues”.
And, I seem to have an abundance of energy now. It’s amazing what happens to us when we overcome a mental, physical, or emotional hurdle/battle.
Today’s song is by Fireflight and it’s called ‘Unbreakable’. This is a truly powerful song and one of my all time favorite "power up" songs. This video has the lyrics on it which are worth reading.
I spent most of today battling leg cramps. I’m sure it was from getting dehydrated during last nights Plyometrics. I usually only get leg cramps at night, so it was unnerving to get so many during the day today. And the worst part of all was driving! Yup, I have a manual transmission, which normally I love. But when you are having leg cramps and have to keep pushing in the damn clutch to shift it SUCKS!! And, I never realized just how many friggen stop signs and stop lights I have to go through on my way home (and of course every. single. stop. light. is. RED!) Geesh!
I have been slacking off on going down to the gym at work. My co-worker is on vacation, so I haven’t been getting down there. I feel like I am somehow cheating by not getting those two-a-days in. I feel lazy. I feel like a bum. And at the same time, I am really liking the break from working out at the intensity I have been for the last few months. As long as I don’t start falling into old habits and behaviors I should be okay. I am watching myself like a hawk! And as soon as I see myself slipping I give myself a swift kick in the ass!
I think the heat, as well as the hard work the hubby and I did over the weekend, combined with the bad eating and my T.O.M. are all making me feel like a slug. And on that note, I will segue into today’s song . It is by Girls Aloud and it’s called ‘Something Kinda Ooh’. (or in my case… ’something kinda ewww’ ) Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Oooh Music Video.
… when it’s friggen hotter than hades outside!!! We did Plyometrics tonight and we didn’t turn on the A/C in the house because it’s a little too early for us to start running it. But OH MY GOODNESS, I was sweating like a pig before we even finished warming up! By the time it was done, I was doubled over struggling to get a breath in. It was crazy. On the plus side, I’m sure I burned even more calories than normal with all the sweating! We also decided that we are going to add two more weeks onto our P90X routine. We missed several days a couple of weeks ago, and we missed several days this past week too… so we want to redo them to make sure we get the full effect. I think the hot weather may have fried our brains!
To reinforce that, my oldest daughter has somehow convinced us to paint the family room this weekend. And not just one color, she wants fancy painting techniques done, and crazy us agreed to do it. So this weekend will be MORE painting… uggggghhhhh! Yup, fried brains! lol
Eating has been back on target. No bad food. I am already missing my dark chocolate and wine . But my waistline will be much happier now that I am back to eating clean.
Oh, and I STILL can’t get that stupid phrase "Monkey Wrench Hits Dumbbell" out of my head (I still can’t figure out what it means either!). So todays song is by The Foo Fighters and it’s called Monkey Wrench .
This weekend was great! We got a ton accomplished around the house. We got our bedroom painted (walls, ceiling, and skylight), replaced the ceiling fan (the new one is SOOO cool!), then replaced the garbage disposal, the sliding glass door blinds, and living room blinds. I also put together a cool Japanese themed Shoji lamp. AND I did some deep cleaning around the house but didn’t get that done… not enough time! lol
The hubby and I decided that we weren’t going to worry about exercising or eating clean during our three day weekend. So we had a three day food fest! And I don’t feel guilty about it at all. I think it’s good to have those free food days. As long as they don’t turn into the majority!
This morning I got to work only to find out that a company memo had gone out saying that the company was banning a ton of internet sites and ‘hit’ words. All blog sites were on that list, so no more blogging during my lunch break. So, my blogs may be a bit more sporadic since my nights are usually taken up with family stuff. But I will try to get on and blog each night.
On the plus side, I killed my workout today! I worked triceps and shoulders and they STILL hurt! I also worked really hard on my HIIT cardio session to make up a little for my food feast!
Today’s song is by Shakira… It’s called objection (Tango). This is an older song, but still one of my all time favorites. I love this song for cardio!
Now that I have almost reached the same level of fitness that I had a few years ago, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about how, and why, I let myself get so out of shape after putting so much time and effort in to getting fit. I am working on this now, because I don’t want the same thing to happen again. And I need to figure out what triggers to watch out for. Part of the problem was that once I got to the weight and body fat I had set as my goal, I was at a loss as to where to go from there. I mean the goal was to lose body fat and drop weight, while trying to maintain muscle. At that time, my main focus was on dropping body fat and weight. Even though I was lifting weights, my goal wasn’t to build muscle or be defined (although it should have been). So, I got into this zone of burning as many calories as I could to achieve my goal. And I not only achieved that goal, I exceeded it. But, what do you do when you’ve reached the weight you want? When you’ve reached the body fat level you want? My way of dealing with it the last time was to dial back on my cardio. WAAAAAY back. So instead of doing cardio twice a day, every day. I decided that three times a week was enough. I also decided that I could eat a bit more, because I continued to lose weight even after cutting back on cardio. Then, I started a new job and my workout schedule got thrown completely off, and eventually it got thrown out altogether. Trying to figure out a new job, having a much longer drive to and from work, juggling family life so that my kids didn’t resent my not being home when they were… all of these were valid excuses to me at the time. Then when I gained a couple of pounds, it was easy to tell myself that I had lost more than I wanted so adding a few pounds wasn’t going to hurt me. Then with the next few pounds added I told myself that my body was just readjusting to being more sedentary and I would go to the gym later and get those pounds off. Well, later ended up being over two years. And in that two years I gained 20 pounds back. So this time I want to make sure that I don’t fall back into old patterns. And to do that, I need to figure out where I go from here.
What I have decided is that I am already ahead of the game, for several reasons. This time I’m aware of the potential pitfalls coming up (the excuses and rationalizations that my evil ‘fat’ self spouts to my subconsious). And by being aware, I can tackle any issues to the ground and beat some sense into them. I don’t have all the answers, and I am sure I will fumble a bit. But, I am going to stay on track this time. I will not let all of my hard work go to waste this time. Because let me tell ya, as hard as it was to lose the weight the last time… that was a piece of cake compared to this time! This time I was dealing with perimenopause, broken bones, pulled and strained muscles, etc. I also had a lot less time to carve out for my workouts and cooking this time. So, I definitely have paid the price for letting myself go. And there’s no way I want to go through that again! lol
This time is also different because my focus this time has been more on defining my muscles than losing weight. The last time I was obsessed with the scale (and my friends and family will tell you that it went way beyond obsession). Seriously, I would weight myself 4 or 5 times a day. I had my body fat tested every week, and if it didn’t drop I was upset, and I would work out even more furiously the next day. Part of that obsession was based on the fact that I was told that it wasn’t possible to get to the body fat percentage I wanted to be at in only three months. Well, I took that as a challenge; and as a lot of you are aware, I take my challenges seriously . So by concentrating on muscle instead of scale weight or fat loss, I have gone about this process in a much healthier way this time.
Another way this time has been different is the support I have received this time. And by that, I mean the support of this site. The awesome friends I have made here. I have always had the support of my hubby and my kids. But the last time, I did it ONLY with their support. And the friends I had got irritated with my drive and ambition to succeed (looking back, I would have been irriated with me too!) But it went beyond irritation. They didn’t support me or encourage me. In fact, it was the exact opposite. So this site has been invaluable to me. And the friends I have made here have helped me in ways they will probably never fully know. But I do, and to all of you I want to say THANK YOU!!
Gosh, I know I’m probably rambling… too much thinking, and trying to write about too much at once I think! Sorry guys!
Let me end this by saying that I’ve decided that once I’ve reached my current goals, which should be at the end of this month. I am going to set new goals. I’m already starting to list and incorporate some of those goals. I am going to start by fine tuning areas on my body that I want to improve on. My quads, my shoulders, my abs, and my glutes. That should keep me busy for a while!! I am also challenging myself to continue to eat clean by knowing that this time it’s not about eating clean JUST to lose weight… it’s about eating clean to be as healthy as I can and add years onto my life. I want to be able to run races with my grandchildren, and by gosh, I will!
Today’s song is by Pillar and it’s called ‘Frontline/Where Do We Go From Here’. I LOVE this song! It’s one of my favorite weightlifting and cardio songs. Pillar/Front Line/Where Do We Go From Here.
I have gone from not thinking of anything to blog about to having too much to blog about. Originally, I was going to blog about how important what we eat plays in to how good or bad our results are. And I may still touch on the subject in this blog, or I may blog about it tomorrow.
I have noticed an interesting dichotomy since my latest progress pictures have been posted. There is one group that is complimentary and giving me high fives for a job well done. I am also receiving e-mails and comments from people asking me how I am making the progress I am. Which is very flattering. And I will impart everything I have done, and note what has worked and what hasn’t to anyone who wants to know. At the very top of my ‘Most Important’ list is eating right! Which is why I will blog about that subject. Because I am not perfect, and I don’t eat the way I should all of the time. But, I do strive to eat healthy the vast majority of the time. And wrestling with the food demons can seem like a daily thing. Good thing I like fighting!
There is another group that seems to be popping up out of the woodwork lately. This group sends derogatory comments and PM’s and seems to want to find any reason to tear apart the success of what others have achieved. I have read these comments on some of my friends’ blogs, and in the last two days I have received a couple of these comments. It makes me wonder how sad that person’s life must be. Too much of the time we are looking for a magic pill to take that will allow us to have the body of our dreams and still eat like we want and not do any exercise. These ‘dream world’ people are just plain lazy. There are others who work out like demons and see minimal results. This can almost always be directed back to their eating. There is nothing wrong with working out like crazy and eating what you want. But you won’t really see results if you put fattening food in your body. Fattening food is named thus for a reason… it makes you fat! And that applies to me too… if I eat fattening food (McD’s fries!) that fat is going to stay right on my hips and thighs!
Part of this journey (a big part of it) is figuring out what you really want to achieve and how much blood, sweat, and tears you are willing to put into it. Because the old saying "you get out of it what you put into it" is absolutely true. I am still fumbling my way around in some areas… figuring out what works for me and what doesn’t. But when I do something, I put my all into it. And I expect a lot out of myself. I hold myself accountable. Because I’m only going to get out of it, what I put into it.
EDIT*** HermTheWorm mentioned that I had been remiss in posting a song with this blog. I actually did have a song in mind, but it was from a little known group and I couldn’t find it on youtube to post. But the song that Herm mentioned is great too. So here it is… It is by New Radicals and it is called You Get What You Give.
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For those of you who want to listen to the song I tried to post with this blog you can go here to listen to it… http://www.ourstage.com/play/track/TATPAWIDVSGX-hater
This is a heavier (metal) song, but it is awesome! Worth going to the site and listening to it!
All right, I admit it, I really wanted to repeat that totally inane quote! What the heck does that even mean?! "Monkey wrench hits the dumbbell"?? For those of you who read my blog, that quote came from the psycho who left a bunch of meaningless hatred on a friend of mine’s blog. And for some reason, that particular line makes me laugh. Since I couldn’t think of anything else to blog about (blogger’s block) I thought I would write about funny quotes and sayings.
I love listening to kids when they mess up a quote. Last night my youngest was outside with some of her friends and I told her it was almost time to come inside. I overheard her say to her friends "okay, let’s nip this in the butt".
When my middle daughter was about 3 she was looking at a picture book and saw an ocotpus. She asked me how many "legs" an octopus had. I informed her that an octopus has eight tentacles. When her older sister came in the room, my middle daughter looked at her and said with an air of superiority that an octopus has eight testicles.
Feel free to chime in with stories or funny quotes…
Since the theme of my blog today is about meaningless stuff, I thought I would post a song that makes me laugh everytime I hear it after seeing the lyrics. It’s by The Red Hot Chili Peppers and the song is ‘Can’t Stop’ (I think it means ‘can’t stop’ making up meaningless lines for the lyrics). BTW… I do like the beat and flow of this song and I do have it on my Ipod playlist.
WHEW! It’s finally done. Month 3 progress pics have been uploaded. Overall, I’m happy with the progress. This past month I was trying to show a bit more definition, and I think I accomplished that. It wasn’t as much as I would have liked, because I had to dial way back on my HIIT cardio because of my injured hamstring and ankle. So for a little over two weeks I wasn’t able to get much cardio in.
Because of that I wasn’t expecting to drop much in bodyfat, so I was pleasantly surprised to go down by a little more than a percentage point. My weight also dropped a bit. Now that the hamstring and ankle are better, I will up the intensity of my cardio and try to get my body fat to below 19% by the end of the month.
One thing that is great and irritating at the same time, is the fact that none of my clothes are fitting anymore. So I have been buying new clothes a little bit at a time. Which has been fun, but money is tight because of the economy, so it sucks too! However, I was telling my daughter that at least I don’t have to worry about buying new shoes…. ummmmmm… except I WANT to buy cute new shoes to go with the outfits I’m buying!
Which leads me beautifully into today’s song. It is by Paolo Nutini and it’s called New Shoes. This is a great song! I love the singers sound and I have several other songs by him on my ipod. This song is great for cardio. Enjoy…
All right everyone, this is a rant post. I try very hard to be a good person, to turn the other cheek, to give people the benefit of the doubt. When I read something that I take to be a criticism towards me, I try to step back and examine both what I wrote/said and what the other person wrote/said and see if there is a basis for that criticism. And sometimes I see it and acknowledge it, and sometimes I don’t and still think that the person who said/wrote the criticism is a jackass. However, when I hear/read a criticism towards a family member or friend, my ‘mama bear’ attitude comes raging to the forefront and I go into attack mode. I have written about this character trait (flaw?) of mine in a previous post, but I am repeating it again. Why? Because yesterday there were several instances where I felt that a friend was being criticized in an unfair manner.
I have said before that it is perfectly okay to disagree with someone, and we all have the right to voice our opinions… both negative and positive. But I also think there is a right way and a wrong way to voice that opinion. You can disagree with someone and still get your point across without attacking. And there is something that REALLY irritates me about a person who leaves scathing remarks/comments and does so as an "anonymous guest". Seriously, grow a set of balls!! If you have something to say, then at least be man/woman enough to own up to the remarks! I have disagreed with people plenty of times and I have never felt the need to slink around and be a wimpy ass pansy by hiding behind the "anonymous guest" persona. I have no respect for someone who does that. What that tells me is you are someone who knows me (or someone I would know) and you are too much of a chicken shit to tell me you have an issue with me as your ‘real’ self.
And, please, if you’re going to leave a negative comment, or disagree with someone… Take the time to think about what you are writing and re-read it before you post! Because any opinion you have loses validity when what you post makes ZERO sense!
Here are two such ‘anonymous’ comments that were left on a friends blog yesterday. I’m just going to post them and let you form your own opinions. Because honestly, if I stated mine this blog would be WAY too long; and I’m still on my quest to better myself and be a good person (even when it’s really, really, really hard!). Although I will say that the commenter makes zero sense and sounds like a moron (I cut and pasted the comments, so you are reading them just as they were posted).
Monkey wrench hits the dumbbell. How much time do you spend satisfying with justification and hated disgust onto people around you during your day? Is this the prime reason for fight and fire in your eyes? Or perhaps THE I AM to prove to the outside world? What ever it is, I hope you are ready for the final victory lap sis. I think its a struggle for inside tweaking for the outside. Next turn will be Im not pretty enough, my boobs arent big enough, IT ALL STARTS IN THE MIND SWEETS. What and how you act from it is the result. How many results want to see you naked here and how many say your down right rude. You got your attention alright. Hope your ready to see how animalistic man can be. Enjoy! sincerely winking, just stop and look at yourself minus the obsession. your becomming a drive of a monster behind a woman who is within her own fight.
ITS ALL ABOUT WHATS IMPORTANT TO YOU. You will attract what you dish. Hope your ready for the serving from the receiving end. Sincerely a 39 year old german woman with blue eyes 38 /26 /36 .. Not only are you building your frame stature you are reshaping your mind. TOO bad you got headaches from too low of carbs and caloric intake. by the way :Are you a personal trainer? Somethings way off balance for your body type. Make sure you dont end up in E.R ! Sincerely a paramedic.
When I read the comments it reminded me of my high school days and those girls who act like your friend, but stab you in the back when you aren’t around (I think we all knew someone like that!). So today’s song is by “Gossip” and the song is called “Listen Up!”
So, anyway I look at it, I’m screwed. However, I try to keep things in perspective and I know that things happen for a reason. The hard part is being in an environment where everyone is so stressed out that you can feel it hitting you in waves. People are desperate and there is a lot of bickering among the Union workers. People with a lot of seniority have almost nothing to worry about since they can pick and choose who they want to bump (as long as they can do the job of the person they bump). And those with the higher seniority are walking around telling people to get ready to be bumped. Which of course is causing hard feelings everywhere. As you can imagine, it’s not a fun environment to be in right now!
We also decided to redo two weeks of P90X to make up for the missed workouts. So my P90X ‘after’ pictures won’t be for a couple of more weeks. Once we are done with P90X, we will probably switch things up and go to the gym for the summer and fall and then go back to P90X in the winter.
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