fit_in_idaho’s BodyBlog

Here is the scoop….I won my appeal (Thank God!) and am able to return to school. My classes are even more demanding this semester than last semester. I am still working out, but am not taking the time to track my workouts. I know what I have been doing and I can feel it too.

Things are getting better and am keeping busy trying to stay ahead in my classes.  Hopefully will have new pictures to post soon.

I appealed to get my financial aid for the spring semester, since I did not hit what I was required to. My teachers and advisor wrote letters on my behalf for the appeals committee, a big help, I am sure. I won the appeal, so get to continue on with classes.

I did drop my 6am class, because one, I know that I will have a hard time getting up in time to make that class and two I couldnt find anyone to help make sure my daughter would get to school on time. I do still have my weight training class and continue going to the gym in addition to that class. I really hope to hit my goal by the end of the semester. I have had a hard time with my nutrition, because I have been so stressed about wether or not I would get my financial aid and be able to go to school again. That stress is gone and can focus on other things now.

I went back to school last semester, but had to appeal to get my financial aid. In the past when I attended school I had problems with my daughter and my grandma died from cancer. My daughter is ADHD and BiPolar, with lots of other issues. When I attended school 4 years ago she had to be admitted to Intermountain Hospital (a pyschiatric hospital). It was during midterms and did not complete my classes. (I couldn’t concentrate) Anyhow, I appealed to go back to school last semester and was accepted, but with restrictions.  I had to complete 100% of my classes and get a 2.25 GPA. I was struggling with math and biology, but worked hard to pass the classes.

During the semester, just like 4 years ago, my daughter was admitted to Intermountain Hospital again (she was hearing voices and had thoughts of suicide).  This was around my birthday and midterms. I was extremely depressed, but kept up on my classes. I passed all my classes despite everything, but my GPA is 2.192, just short of the 2.25 GPA requirement.

It is so depressing knowing that I worked so hard despite everything and may not be able to get my financial aid for next semester, even though I am so close. What is worse is that I will not only lose a dream, but quite possible my house. I get grants and extra money to help pay my expenses while I am going to school. I still work part-time, but it is the grants that help me pay what I am behind on my house. (I know that that may sound bad, but that is why they provide the extra money). Without the financial aid and the grants, I can not continue on with school and do not know where I would go from here. I really wanted a career in the Fitness field so I can help people like myself become healthier.  My dream will come to an end and I will just be lost. I am almost 40 and feel like such a failure! 

I have finals last week and this week. I am going nuts and am so burned out. The stress is killing me. I went to the gym for a little while this morning, but only did 10 min of cardio and my planks and smith machine lunges. I was exhausted and hungry. I told myself I would go back tonight after I took one of my tests. Now it is 9pm and have no desire to go to the gym. I am so bummed, because I studdied for my math test and was prepared. I knew the formulas and how to graph points. I was as prepared as I could be, but then I get handed the test and went blank. I just sat there staring at the test for 5 mins or more. I panicked and all of a sudden had horrible anxiety and I know i did terrible.

It is so depressing, because I have to do well in that class (in all my classes) to go to the next math class and to get my financial aid for next semester. So now I have my biology class to study for and am having the worst time focusing.

I went in to see my trainer and get new measurements. I was hoping that, with the weight I lost and difference I see in the pictures I took recently, I had done well.  I am bummed that I did not do as well as I hoped. I lost 7lbs, but only 0.60% of bodyfat. I was hoping to have done better.  It is still good, but just a little dissapointing.

I am more determined to make bigger and better changes from here on out. I have finals this week and next week and then a month off from school. I am going to spend as much time as possible in the gym working out and search for new nutrition ideas, so I can hit my goal.

I recently was crushed by someone I really like and care about deciding that he only want to be just friends. We had been seeing each other for a few months, but……yeah….didn’t work out like I hoped it would. In the past I would turn to food and destroy everything that I had already accomplished, but this time I became more focused on my goals.

I have started working out harder, focusing more on my nutrition and focusing more on my studies. Not sure how successful I am with my classes yet, but I know that I am working harder than before. I do know that I have lost 6 more pounds and am close to my weight loss goal.  I am working out extremely hard and can see a difference in my body, more definition than before. I am still a little affraid to have my bodyfat checked (nervous that I am not doing as well as I thought). I just keep working out hard and keep it in my head that I am not at that goal yet. Maybe when I lose the full 10 pounds then I will have my measurements taken again.

I am happy with what I have done so far and feel accomplished just knowing how hard I am working to acheive the goals that I have set for myself.

I am having a tough time lately.  Stress of school, making sure that can pay the bills and problems with my daughter and her father’s family is just putting so much pressure on me.  I have been bad turning to anything that has sugar.  I try hard to stay away from sugar, but it is hard for me to do.  I had no problem to quit drinking alcohol when I decided to quit, but sugar is a totally different story.  Between working 2 jobs right now and school, I haven’t had much time for working out and when I do I am just so exhausted that I have to push myself to go to the gym.  The good thing is that I have been able to talk to other people in my classes about what is going on and family is there for me.  Without that support I would probably not be where I am today.