Overcoming Obeasity

Been a good while since i wrote here so this is a long over due update, where to start?

A good few days ago (maybe Friday?) I really have no idea why, but I really did so poorly. I think the only thing i did that day was my usual workout… otherwise it was all down hill. And then, this weekend itself was Mothers day so I was off to a bad weekend and I guess, for whatever reason I figured "might as well get it out of the system"…

 I guess I didn’t do completely terrible but… just the fact I wasn’t 100% really puts a damer on everything. Especially goal-wise. I actually haven’t gotten a chance to "weigh-in" yet… not looking forward to that either since all it will tell me is "look what you did, you now have to re-organise all your goals since now they are unrealistic and too far out of reach"…ha, yes over dramatic, oh well.

Of course it’s good I want to get back track… just annoying in the sense i really did go so long not going off at all and then this past weekend I just really was so lazy and uncaring. All the more reason to really push myself harder now and all but… oh well. That’s all that a person can do. Get back on track and push harder.

The way I see it, I posted before saying every 3 weeks I will post a progress picture. So… last one I posted was on May 3rd. That means I have exactly one full week and 4 days left to work my ass off and get myself in more decent shape so I don’t look bad in that "progress" shot.

Either way, it will be motivational. If I don’t look as good as I’d have liked, it will be more reason to work harder so that the next shot WILL be better. And of course if I look ok, that will equally be reason to CONTINUE to stay on track and do more to keep looking better and acheiving goals.

So that’s where I’m at right now… not where I want to be at all, but not giving up by any means either. It’s possible to get where i want to be, it’s just up to ME to get myself there!

Ok… I’m going to attempt to keep this short n’ sweet. Basically I have been not so stable. I have stuck to my "diet" and I exercise and work out as "regularly" as possible but… nothing is ever "set in stone" for me. So…

 I’ve decided to set up something more consistent for myself. Nothing too strict, just a start I can ALWAYS add more. But for now I’m setting 2 tiny goals. (we’re talking microscopic compared to everyone else I see on here…) But I am going to make it a point to make up and stick to doing at least ONE exercise routine every day. I know lot’s of people sometimes say to take one day off, but I know how I am. If I do something every day I am much more likely to STICK to it. If I take off one day, taking off the next day starts looking pretty nice too… So, just something small to start, if I feel like working more (which i prolly will) I can always work more, but I HAVE to make sure to get in at least that one basic routine.

And, next to help me STICK to that goal, I think I will also make a point to post a progress pic at LEAST once every 2 weeks in order to keep myself motivated to stay on track.

 So, nothing big or elaborate but definitely something I can stick to. We’ll see what happens.

Just feel like ranting today, so if you’re not one for listening to bitching, prolly should look away.

 Anyhow… naturally I know the *correct* way is the long way… but that in itself tends to be the biggest challenge of all for me. Honestly, the diet/exercise all that, is really not so bad. Especially once you get in the habbit, it all kinda falls into place. It’s nice to have routines and structure…

 But it’s the waiting that kills me. It’s like everyday you do them same thing (ok you switch it up a little but still) and everyday… I look the same. Of course, no one see’s their results over night, it takes a LOT of time, especially when you do things the right way.

 It just REALLY makes me actually wish I was in a place with NO mirrors at all. Even though, the mirror tends to be my biggest motivation, it’s equally my biggest let down too. Cuz I look in there every day and every day I see the SAME. If I could look in the mirror ONCE A MONTH… now THAT would be great! I know then i would totally SEE a difference.

 You know those stupid shows where they do make overs on people, and they have that big "BEFORE" shot, and the person see’s that pic of them and it turns around into the mirror and it shows the NEW and improved them? Yeah, how COOL would it be to have THAT? I need one of THOSE.

 Just put me in a gym, with lots of eliptical equitment, some rowers, tread mills, stationary bikes, lots of weights and weight machine stuff, and yoga mats, and medicine balls, but NO mirrors! Gimme a ballenced diet for ME and take that "Before" shot, have it pinned to the wall for me to look at every day… and then at the end of the month, turn that pic around and show me my PROGRESS!!! God I would LOVE that soooo much!

 They need to have a show like THAT. All these stupid "Celebrity Fit Club" and "Biggest Loser"… though there was one show I thought was Okay, I only saw it ONCE though. They had a group of people who walked across the country, and THAT was pretty cool. And they were all fatties (like ME)… I would LOVE to be on something like THAT. It would be such a nice way to get access to everything i NEED.

 …Oh well, sitting around hoping for things never got anyone anywhere. So, off to work I go.

This is kind of embarressing but interesting at the same time… I was ging through this box of my old stuff and came across my old weight journal. I was wrong about my highest weight. I was reading through one and saw that at one point, i was actually almost 230 lbs!!! So, as gross as that is, it kind of also makes me feel more accomplished. So from 230 to now almost 160, that’s a TOTAL of 70 lbs.

Ok… so last night, no sleep again, as usual. Typical life of an insomniac (yes, I’ve tried MANY different meds in many different combination and different methods, I’ve been like this since i was very young child, nothing works)… Anyhow— So I made use of my time by "cleaning up house". I know it’s not a "actual work out", but it definitely gave me a "work out" per se. I did usual stretches (I know I need to write that routine and i will get around to it)… and the reason for the clean up is mainly because my mother was visiting… and oddly enough, she didn’t even come in, so I did all the work for "nothing"… but I got a semi-work out from it.

 Anyhow, once she got here I went out. YAY! I’m uncomfortable alone in the neighborhood, but we went out around stpres in town. So I walked all over the stores and stuff all day. Which was another good little work out… the little ones add up. And, she insisted I need new clothes… which I always HATE doing. I hate "clothing shopping" with a passion (i hate all shopping actually, but that’s another story)… but I got a nice surprise. I’ve lost SIX sizes!

 Yeah, I literally AVOIDED clothing shopping a LONG time for obvious reasons. Nothing ever fit, everything ooked bad cuz I looked bad, all that sort of thing. I went from a size 22 down to now 16! …I know, 16 is still VERY fat (i’m 5′3", short and fat is horrible combination). The lowest size I’ve ever been is 14… I’m only TWO sizes away from that (haven’t been that size since middle school, how sad is that?)

 I’m looking forward to losing MUCH more, and today was a HUGE motivation to do so. In fact after all the shopping stuff we ended up going out to eat… another thing i usually hate doing because I always get annoying stares. But I was actually not paying attention to anyone this time, so if I got any, I didn’t notice. Usually I’d either not eat, or say "screw it, I’m getting whatever I want"… Not this time. I did pretty good (for ME, i know others would do better). I had a tiny bit of broccolie cheese soup (like 5  or 6 teaspoon fulls) then gave the rest to my mother cuz I didn’t want all those calories, I just wanted "a taste". As for my meal, I got this shrimp / pesto / alfredo pasta… thing. I got steamed broccoli with it too just to add variety. I ended up eating like, 4 noodes of the pasta, most of the shrimp (like 4 or 5 pieces) and some most the broccoli. And followed usual thing (eat really slow, chew everything super well, put fork down between each bite etc). I had a few sips of a strawberry - mango - lemonade thing, but my main drink of course was water.

 So again… not great, but not bad either. I personally hate salad so… eating out is always a pain for me. So, thats all for now, I’ll update again tomorrow.

As usual, I didn’t do much today because I got up late (couldn’t sleep last night/this morning whatever). It was one of those days where I just didn’t feel up to doing anything and couldn’t get that extra "push" I needed to feel like doing anything…

 Didn’t help that I got an unexpected call from my mother, aparently she decided she’s going to be dropping by tomorrow. So if nothing else, I’ll be doing some "last minute clean up" chores around my room and stuff. Maybe just doing that, getting myself really up and moving and such will help me feel like really "doing something".

 Does anyone else get like that? It’s like when I get up in the morning and force myself to be doing stuff, for some reason that actually is better. It get’s me going and keeps me going. When I don’t do anything, I swear I actually become more tired and draggy as the day goes on.

I remember being a kid and we used to go to a friends place for this "once a year get together party" thing. They had this nice pool and we all would just go and swim allllllll day and it was soooo fun! You didn’t even realise you were getting so much exercise and I could (and did) swim allll day not once thinking about food or getting tired in any way at all. Eventually my mother would end up having to yell at me to make me come out and go get something to eat and stop playing and stuff.

 Once again… I feel soooo old. It’s like thinking about that is like reminiscing about the "good old days". Too bad I was never in good shape, even as a kid. I grew up durring the time when there was the out break in "child obeasity"… I wasn’t obease till I hit college, but I was always "overweight". I lucked out in by some miracle i was never made fun of, but I had a mirror and I have eyes, I would give myself enough abuse for my size.

 When I was in my teen years, I had this FAVORITE exercise video. I stole it from my mom who never used it. It was from way back in the 80’s with this person who was famous back then Bess Motta <3 I totally LOVED how she did her video’s. To this day i HATE to admit I have tried COUNTLESS other exercise video’s and I do them for all of 3 weeks and get sick of them. This 20 minute workout video I had, was the ONLY one that made me WANT to get up and WANT to exercise. The sad thing is, I did this video for YEARS, religiously every single day in the once in the morning in the begining then once in the morning and once again at night… it kept me flexable, but it never made me thin and in shape or anything. (it was lots of cardio and stretching, no weight lifting but i did use little weights when I did it).

 Tragically, when I went to college… that routine came to an abrupt stop because I’m a self concious IDIOT. I felt embarressed to exercise in front of anyone (had room mates in college, skinny little twigs)… ANYHOW, later on after I moved into my OWN place I got that video right back… and the worse thing ever happened, the tape snapped in the machine. It was so old, I had been meaning to copy it forever but never did… so now to this day i regret it sooo bad. I swear if i EVER find it, i will find a way to buy it. I found it ONCE on e-bay, but it was gone like the next day… I’ve seen other ones like it but they’re not the same and i can’t tell which one is the right video without screen caps.

I think i might start the 7 minute work out thing I have. It sounds useless BUT it works, I’ve done it before. It’s by the same person who who came out with "Body Flex" (see my favorite video on my profile page), Greer Childers. Everyone thinks she’s a joke. When I first saw the video I just choked on laughter, but I was soooo curious i had to try it, and it WORKS. …well that was her old routine, she came out with a new one, less time (less awkward looking hehe). Anyhow, it’s a START. And that’s what I need.

 Ok… sorry for blabbing and rambling on and on. Hope things are going well for everyone else.

So I’m currently a newbie here, everyone has to start somewhere right? Technically, I got "serious" about weight loss in January when I reached a very humiliating 205 lbs. At a height of 5′ 3"… that size is just wrong in EVERY way.

 Luckily! I cracked down and I am currently 163 lbs. Right now I’m looking to tone up so I can look decent and FEEL good. I’m hoping a new body image might help my lack of self esteem… I’d also just like to know what it’d be like to not only be in shape but LOOK like it too. I’ve done dieting and exercising in the past but I felt like it never panned out for me no matter how long I stuck to anything or how strict I was with it…

 Anyhow, I was young and naive back then. It’s "better late than never" so, it’s time for me to get serious. No more crash diets or "easy way outs"… the truth is losing weight and toning up will take hard work and above all DEDICATION. Time to wise up and shape up, wish me luck everyone

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