Overcoming Obeasity

So… i want to TRY something new but every time i try, I fail. I want to eat LEAN meats and protein (chicken, turkey, tuna etc) and GREEN veggies, leafy things and such. And then just water and PLAIN tea.

 I want to get away from fat and sugar as much as possible but I keep falling back into my old ways when i try this. When I eat things like meat and veggies it triggers cravings for salt and fat and carbs. I know a "little fat" is ok and even recomended (the GOOD kind of "fat" of course)… but the problem I’m having is again, eating veggies and lean proteins CAUSE triggers for me.

Like if I cook myself some spinach, i’ll want to put butter on. If I put a tiny bit of butter on, WHAM! It makes me want MORE butter and salt and then i’ll want to put some bacon in there etc. That didn’t actually happen but it’s just to give an idea of what i mean.

 Or if I drink water i get so BORED of plain tasteless water… so i have tea, and no matter what i always want sugar in it, so I’ll put a tiny bit of sugar in it and then WHAM! I’ll want to add MORE sugar and then add milk too! (because I actually have always loved milk and sugar in my tea).

Then there are times I thought "well maybe i need "some" sugar" so I will try to have a small piece of fruit, and again WHAM! I’ll just want to have all fruit instead of anything green.

So now I am at a loss of what to do. I also tried cutting out sugar and fat completely (or, well you know almost completely)…. it usually lasted till late night cravings kicked into high gear and I caved by night fall. I am so lost… what can i DO??

"Holiday Plan", or lack there of depending how you look at it.

 So yesterday was my cousins wedding, and yesterday morning I weighed in at 116.7 lbs, just barely 115! Oh well, close enough. I took some pics, and put some in my gallery to show people case they were curious to see. It was very nice and as usual my cousins are all just perfectly stunning flawless figures I totally admire and envy… someday I hope to look as good as them, but thats another story.

 Right now I’m at my friends place. I think I’m just going to eat smaller portions and TRY to go for walks every day, but easier said than done. I actually did well eating last night at the wedding, but it’s tradition for me and my friend to order Chinese our first night together, so I ended up eating wrong tonight. Hopefully eating better the next 3 days will change that. Come the 23rd - 24th we go to NYC, and since we’ll be walking all over, all day I am going to eat whatever I want, within reason, I won’t over eat nor have dessert or anything like that.

Come Christmas Day, i’ll prolly give in (again)… then just eat light till New Years Eve, let that night be the "final meal" so to say haha. Then from New Years Day onward, it will be all organic for me. Or so… i HOPE. I might slip occasionally on special occasions but… maybe not.

Only 6 days left till the wedding… still a size 9 *sigh* I hate that size but it’s my own fault for not putting enough effort out there.

 Part of me feels I’m making up excuses, part of me feels I have ligitimate reasoning for lack of "effort"… My life seriously feels like work>eat>sleep>repeat… I just don’t feel up to working out with this kind of schedule. The little bit of online time is my only "break"… and without this I think I’d crack. lol

 I need to tone though. It’s the only way I’ll get down in size. Being a girl and a szie 9… NOT good. Maybe i’ll use my agravation for motivation to "slim down" the rest the way. I hope…

And people wonder why i hate the "holidays"… I can name so many reasons: Perky spirited people, constantly having to listen to the SAME music everywhere you go, being guilted into feeling obligated to spend money on "friends" and family… and the constant food aspect. That’s what 80% of the holiday feels like to ME. Everyone is shoving FOOD at me. Everything for the "holidays" is FOOD related.

 I know, I’m exagerating but it FEELS like that. In any case… stupid Turkey day alone gained me 3 lbs… and over the following days I packed on another 2+… so agravating since it took me WEEKS to lose the same amount of weight i can put on in just days, literally RUINING everything.

 *sigh*… well today I was "back on the bandwagon" of diet and excersize… er least diet. I need to work excersize in, especially if i plan to reach my goal for fitting into a smaller size come the 18th (my cousins wedding and the following day I spend a week with my friend and we will be going to NYC the 24th).

Not much else to say. Hopefully I’ll slim down at least a little… I rather lose weight and inches than gain. That’s what i need to focus on.

I am FINALLY going to be uploading new pics soon! I talked to my boss last night and he let me have off Black Friday so I will be hitting the local papers to find the cell phone sales and see where to go to get the best deal, thus finally be able to take and upload pics on a regular basis again. I can’t wait to actually SEE some progress. Last time I took pics (the one you see via profile) was when i was in the 150’s range. I’m now 128 lbs (STUCK at 128 lbs, stupid plateau!)

Aside from that, I’m dreading Thanksgiving. It’s literally a holiday devoted to a huge feast… which is like "death" to ME. I love turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes (NO gravy!) and REAL cranberry sauce (NOT the canned crap!) and pumpkin pie annnnnnd, a new tradition my dads wifes mother introduced me to, Maryland Crab Cakes… they are sooo good!

 Bah! You can tell I’m such a huge fatty! Least I lost OVER 100 lbs, so I’m not AS fat. I think I will post a picture of my highest weight next to a picture of me NOW. By the way, if anyone reads this far, and wants to see pics of me, Black Friday is THIS friday. So PLEASE, check back here on Friday night because I will probably post pics ASAP and i will want LOTS of feed back for inspiration and motivation.

Take care people, and have a Happy Holiday!

To put it bluntly: Losing fast in the begining and slower near the end, sucks. I know it’s "healthy" to lose only a couple pounds a week (2-3 tops, I think)… but it just is very agravating too. By this point I want to be done with it already, I wish it would  go the opposite way, like slow begging and quicker ending.

 I’ve set my personal goal to lose 3 pounds a week and I am right on target… i just hate how in the begining i was losing like 7 - 10 pounds a week. (i was HUGE! remember people i lost over 100 lbs so at the time it was not unhealthy for me to do). So just in comparison naturally I’m being over impatient.

 Also… I need to be stricter in diet and working out but can’t bring myself to do so. One of those situations where i know what i *should* be doing, but can never "stick" to it. I know I should be all lean protein and less fat/sugar… well cutting out fat for me is remarkably easy. I actually don’t care about fat anymore. I realised sugar is my new weakness.

 I never used to care about sugar in my early days, i was all about fats and carbs. But I have been noticing it’s near imposible for me to find beverages with no sugar and no chemicals. Everything is either loaded with sugar, checmicals, or sodium. Except the almighty WATER…. which makes me sick. (i’ve tried EVERYTHING, taking little sips alllll day for over a month(s) at a time, drinking it cold, drinking it warm, drinking tap, drinking bottle, distilled/spring etc…. yada yada, always makes ME sick).

I’ve never tried energy drinks… considering i lost this weight by avoiding chemicals and energy drinks represent the epitome of what caused me to gain all the weight i did to begin with (since to me they are nothing but chemicals in a can)… i tend to rather avoid them. I should post a question about this where I might actually get an answer…

 In any case, slow and steady is the best way to go, I just need to ride this out till the end …where ever the end may be.

That’s right, i was 230 lbs BEFORE, and I got on the scale today: 130.0 lbs! I lost one HUNDRED pounds! It’s killing me that i have no way to post a damn progress pic cuz i REALLY want to show my success (even though I still plan to keep losing). I’m ready to get a damn disposable cam just so I have -some- visual record of this day.

 Anyhow… this is just a quick update. So nothing more to really say. I’m still going strong and plan to stay strong in this battle. Much luck to all who are on their way to their goals too, and much thanks to all those who have given me support along my way.

I’m creeping back up the scale yet again and it’s pissing me off. I hate how I’m one of those people who’s "all talk and no action"… more like all thought and no action.

I know exactly what i NEED to do to stay on track but knowing is only HALF the actual battle itself. Actually getting up and DOING what i NEED to is a whole nother story and THAT is what’s got me so peeved.

 The all too familiar "easier said than done" crap. I’m sick of that. Other people go and DO and be what they want. I’m so used to being hasseled by people who just come off like "You just need to get up off your ass and DO IT. It’s not easy, but you have to PUSH yourself"… like it’s some magical solution. Like the whole world of fat asses out there, that’s the whole problem. We just sit around and do nothing.

 Now granted, I’m not saying that I lost 90 lbs (that’s righti have lost 90 lbs thank you!) by sitting round stuffing my face… but at the same time, to this very DAY, i despise working out. (i’m going to be shun from this site for saying that lol) But I’m not kidding. I can’t stand it and it infurriated me even more that everyone else i know loves working out once they "get into it" they get all giddy and excited and they LOVE to get all pumped up or get that cardio in whatever…. me? NO.

 Even DOCTORS claim "oh yes, excersize is wonderful, when we work out our bodies release natural endorphins which make us feel god and we start to need and want to excersize more regularly" blah blah blah… screw that. Aparently my fatty mindset is perminent or something. I’d LOVE to want to work out and love exercising but as it is, no. I don’t like it at all.

 It’s like when someone has that job they hate with a passion but they go to it every day just because they need the money. Eventually they become a miserable person because they have to do something they hate every day… the thing is, Working out is more of an option. I wish it WAS my job. I try to trick myself into thinking it is, you know psychology crap and stuff but, it doesn’t seem to work.

 Point is, I can not find anything I like doing that involves working out in any form. I try walking, I try jogging/running, i try dancing, i try lifting, i try this i try that, and nothing satisfies me. And no, i don;t try it one time and quit for those of you people who seem to believe consistency is key. For an example: I have been going up and down the stairs in my house for 10 minutes each day every day for 2 solid months, now you’d THINK by now I’d be running up and down those stairs, or at least a bit less winded every time… me? Nope. It still FEELS like the first day I did them EVERY day. There is NO improvement… why?? I mean if I improved then i would probably LIKE working out but i never get better.

In any case… i needed to rant somewhere and no one ever reads these anyways so I don’t think something that goes unnoticed will bother anyone. If anyone is still reading well, my apologies for bitching, thanks for listening.

Yep, I’m back again. I ran into technical difficulties, my laptop crashed on me so hadda wait a few months to save up and buy a new one. Aside from that i had moved, and I have a new job now FINALLY.

 So I’ve been generally busy. I think i hit a plateau before and I actually slacked off majorly (for various other reasons too) but, amazingly I think the slacking off was the break my body needed. Cuz now I am starting back up again and lounds are dropping back off again *knock on wood*.

 In any case… I forget my exact weight when I left here, 150 lbs or something. But as of today I am down to 137! This is the FIRST time since HIGH SCHOOL i have been under 150 lbs, so now that i am under 140, I’m super glad about that.

 For once I’m not in the mood to type a lot (i just got my new laptop so I’ve been typing a lot the past few days)… So I’ll leave more to say in my next post. Hope everyone else is doing well with their goals and hope I can get back into the swing of things on here again. take care everyone (or at least all who read these lil blogs).

Just got back and already I have to go. Baically long story short, after all the hassel and hussel n’ bussel… amongst "other issues"… I’m going from one hell to the next. I’ll be going "home"…

 And, there is no internet access there so, I’m on hiatus from the internet, NOT from reaching my fitness goals!!! So, let us all hope I come back in better shape than I’m in now… in fact if anything, I’m actually hoping to even put more focus into my work outs and exercise routines since… I’ll have nothing better to do. AND, i "should" have a little "just to get by" job lined up for me when i get back, so I can finally save up and get some home gym equitment. A good friend of my dads wife says he has a BoFlex home gym he doesn’t use anymore and might be willing to GIVE it away! … I don’t know much about what all is the best to have in a home gym but i have NOTHING right now so, I think just about anything will be a good start. I also plan on using job money to save up and get at least 3 other things like Stationary Bike, Treadmill and especially an Eliptical Machine,, because I’ve been wanting one of those for a while. I’m thinking maybe look at like flea markets/garage sales… or even do Craigslist or that FreeCycle place so I could get the stuff for free (as long as it’s not broken stuff of course).

 So… that’s all for now. I’ll try to find ways to keep posting… if anything for my own sanity and to of course make sure i keep myself on track. Well… take care everyone and good luck either reaching or maintaining all your fitness goals!