STARTING OVER…AGAIN!*!%$*
There has to be a stopping point. I’ve hit rock bottom with incredible force, repeated rebounding between it and the thin empty air called fear and indecision. I am paralyzed. Stagnant would be an improviement at this point. I realized this summer marks two years as a certified personal trainer. I am where I started two freak!#@ years ago- NOT ONE COMPETITION under my belt. I need to take control. What am I afraid of? Do I feel I have all the time in the world? Maybe I don’t want this as bad as I thought I did. Not true- I DO WANT THIS! I WANT, MUST HAVE A ROCK-HARD, RAZOR-SHARP PHYSIQUE!!! I must Commit…take Control…be Consistent!!! I am so tired of starting over. You think your fitness program is a part of who you are, then something happens…sometimes it’s a gusty breeze or maybe a turbulent tornado…either can blow your fitness program depending on the circumstances. My mom passed away in January and it seemed I was handling it all ok. I’ve managed to settle her estate, console my children, return to work, falling back into my routine…business as usual. Some where I’ve lost my fitness/nutrition drive. I’ve eaten more junk and skipped dozens of workouts. My closet friends believe this is the manifestation of grief. Truly I don’t care. I just want it done…gone. I was 10 pounds shy of my goal weight before my mom’s death. Now I’m 25lbs off. URRRG! I’m in the busy of helping people identify and break dangerous cycles, setting goals, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I am such a hypocrite to be 25lbs over target weight and stuck in a mental/emotional rut. BodyBlog is my conscience and sounding board.
May 1, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Hey girl! I couldn’t read this and not reply to it! First off!!! I am *SO* sorry for the loss of your mom.
People deal with the death of people in all sorts of different ways, and sweetie, you need to allow yourself that, and be easier on yourself. You sound so disappointed in being so far from your goals, but given what you’ve been through, it’s not only natural, but expected that those things would get put on hold for a bit. It doesn’t make you a failure. So you have 25 to lose instead of 10. That’s okay. YOU CAN DO IT! You have the knowledge and I can tell you have the drive to get there. So no more beating yourself up. You don’t deserve that. 
Now show us how it’s done! 