Fenixprofitness’s BodyBlog

Finally I am getting my head out of the clouds and shooting for the stars.  I am coming out of the dark from the loss of my mom.   It feels great to be MOTIVATED….not depressed…to train and eat healthy.  I am so much better I’m half tempted to post some new pics.  I have avoided pics for months during my 15lb weight gain I just might get the nerve!!! Special thanks to my many close friends who have helped me through! Lashan, Che, Cherri, Stacy, Wanda, Ami!!!

Finally I am getting my head out of the clouds and shooting for the stars.  I am coming out of the dark from the loss of my mom.   It feels great to be MOTIVATED….not depressed…to train and eat healthy.  I am so much better I’m half tempted to post some new pics.  I have avoided pics for months during my 15lb weight gain I just might get the nerve!!! Special thanks to my many close friends who have helped me through! Lashan, Che, Cherri, Stacy, Wanda, Ami!!!

There has to be a stopping point.  I’ve hit rock bottom with incredible force, repeated rebounding between it and the thin empty air called fear and indecision.  I am paralyzed.  Stagnant would be an improviement at this point.  I realized this summer marks two years as a certified personal trainer.  I am where I started two freak!#@ years ago- NOT ONE COMPETITION under my belt.  I need to take control.  What am I afraid of?  Do I feel I have all the time in the world?  Maybe I don’t want this as bad as I thought I did.  Not true- I DO WANT THIS!  I WANT, MUST HAVE A ROCK-HARD, RAZOR-SHARP PHYSIQUE!!!  I must Commit…take Control…be Consistent!!!  I am so tired of starting over.  You think your fitness program is a part of who you are, then something happens…sometimes it’s a gusty breeze or maybe a turbulent tornado…either can blow your fitness program depending on the circumstances.  My mom passed away in January and it seemed I was handling it all ok.  I’ve managed to settle her estate, console my children, return to work, falling back into my routine…business as usual.  Some where I’ve lost my fitness/nutrition drive.  I’ve eaten more junk and skipped dozens of workouts.  My closet friends believe this is the manifestation of grief.  Truly I don’t care. I just want it done…gone.  I was 10 pounds shy of my goal weight before my mom’s death.  Now I’m 25lbs off.  URRRG!  I’m in the busy of helping people identify and break dangerous cycles, setting goals, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I am such a hypocrite to be 25lbs over target weight and stuck in a mental/emotional rut.  BodyBlog is my conscience and sounding board.

I have been at it for a while and not seeing the progress I expected.  Why?  Because I am weak when it comes to making the nutrition happen!!!! Uurrg!  Add a recent family catastrophe and voila….it feels like day 1. With April 19th around the corner, I’ve got to get it up and running…then steamroll forward.  Back to the basics….fish/chicken/veggies/protein supps/water and train like a BEAST (we all love this part)!Watch my update pics March 1 and wish me consistency!!!