All I’ve ever asked for was to be given a Chance!
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008Ok, couple of things before you get any further into this blog. One, it is a bit lengthy due to the detail and two, i am not "crying" or "whining" about anything recent or in my past but rather using a synopsis of my past to point out information to better explain the reason and title of this blog. Things may jump around a bit but will come together overall. You are about to get to know me a lot better. If you have any questions or comments, i will do my best to answer them and appreciate all comments left.
Ok, here we go! I was born in Colorado and moved to Wisconsin pretty much right away. I grew up in the country and moved out to Arizona when i was 12. I currently reside in Queen Creek, AZ. When i was 3 i started having problems with my ears (nerve disease). From the time i was three (3) until i was twelve (12) i had rattled off over twenty (20) operations on both ears. I spent a large amount of my youth in the hospital, going back and forth from Wisconsin to Rochchester, Minnesota. Whats in Minnesota, well, that is where the Mayo Clinic is, and coincidently where my operations were done. Now, as you all know…growing up even a "little" different as a kid can be hell. Now imagine doing it wearing hearing aids. And im not talking about the ones like today where they fit in or behind your ears. Im talking about contraptions that looked like banana clips w/ wires hanging down and going into a harness that holds the aid. Kind of like the computer age…you know…the first one was frikkin huge, right?, now you can almost stick them in a folder….lol. Anyway, back to me…hehe. As you can probably imagine, i was called every name you can think of, on the wrong side of jokes, chased around the school, bullied and most obvious…discriminated against almost my entire youth. Add in the fact that my name is Ray…hmmm….not fun. You know….You can call me Ray, you can call me Jay, etc, etc and of course the famous "Ray is Gay". Now, i have no problem with anyones sexual preference, but if you are called something you are not…that hurts, especially compounded with my ear situation. Ok, now….going to school was an adventure everyday…seriously! i was pretty much a loner (and pretty much not by choice). I had few friends and the ones i had were pretty much the neighborhood kids who had gotten to KNOW me and accepted me for who and what i was. I was the kid who was picked last OR just not picked period. So, needless to say, i started to do individual things. I started to do track events, shoot hoops, etc. I turned out being pretty good at athletics. i taught myself how to play baseball (w/ the neighborhood kids), football, race dirt bikes, etc.. I could climb any tree in Wausau, Wisconsin…lol!
Ok, whew….umm my parents were having problems (not that i knew at the time), but my father was gone a lot. He was/is a truck driver and often was gone for days. My mother was working so we were w/ babysitters a lot. As you can problably imagine, my brother and i spent a lot of time together and were pretty close. We endured a lot. He was always worried about me going to the hospital and i worried about him and his asthma. One time we had been at a babysitter while my dad was out trucking and mother at work. I decided the people that were watching us were not very nice and i decided to "attempt" to bundle my brother up and take us home. Mind you, it was the dead of winter. For those of you who dont know about Wisconsin and winter…it is VERY cold and a lot of snow. Anyway, as i "broke" my brother and i out of the house we made our way across the playground area. We loved in a mobile home park at the time, so our house was across the way. Anyway, i got my brother there but not without complications. If it had not been for a neighbor hearing us yell and scream at "our" door for our mom to let us in, my brother would have lost some fingers and possibly toes from frostbite. Umm, we were put into a hospital and my brother escaped with minor frostbite (a couple fingers are not quite staright) and i was fine. I guess i didnt bundle him up good enough. Oh, i was i believe 6 at the time and he was 4. Shortly after that we moved into a home out in the country and shortly after that my parents seperated. Now, i was 7 years old and in and out of the hospital. My point is that for the longest time, i blamed myself for my father leaving my mother (because i was such a pain in the ass to take care of). Now, due to me being somewhat secluded (both by my own means and by means of no one wanting to be my friend becuase i was different), i ended up getting pretty smart and from getting chased and picked on all the time, got quite physical…lol. But you see, no one really knew this because i was never given the chance to join the ball game or picked to answer questions or what not. To everyone else, i was just a dumbass retard that couldnt hear and because of that, was assumed i couldnt do anything else either. It wasnt until 6th grade that i was "found" by some. My first year in middle school i tried out for flag football and was so good, that people actually wanted me to play for them. But, it still didnt translate to anything outside of that. In fact, socially, it got worse. I remember one time, there was this kid named Louis (ill leave his last name out…but i still do remember it..lol) used to flick my ear in music class and often would make my hearing aid whistle. After so much of this i dont know what happened but i turned around and told him to leave me the F@#$ alone. Well, he didnt take to this well and promptly informed me that he was gonna personally hand me my ass on th eway home the next day after school. You see, i walked to and from school..and he knew this. Soooo, me being scared shitless i went home to tell my mom top pick me up because i was gonna get killed. Louis probably outweighed me by about 50 lbs and was a good 3-4 inches taller. Well, good ol’ mom had to work double shift and didnt get the note! So, on the next day, i started my walk home, accompanied by what seemed half the school and my new friend Louis. Before i knew it, i had been hit in th ehead from behind and my hearing aid (part of it) went flying in one direction and my glasses went off in another direction. Oh crap, i forgot to tell you i ALSO had glasses. SO had that to all my earlier situations and assume the worst….lol. Anyway, that was the last time Louis hit me…i turned aroud and pummeled him. I had to be pulled off him. This is the reason for the HULK tattoo on my right shoulder. I was no longer picked on that year, in fact i was taken in by Clint (last name left out). he was the scholl badass and he pretty much let me tag along and i was finally given a chance to make some friends (although i would have rather done it a different way).
Ok, i am now around 12. My mother (and father for that matter) have both remarried. Well, my mother and step-father moved my brother and i out here to Arizona> It was very tough at first for reasons you can imagine. Leaving the best friends i had, worrying about making new friends, etc. By this time, i have gone through most all of my ear operations and have pretty much stablized. I have had a few more throughout the years, but minor compared to early childhood. Things have gotten a little better for me as far as friends. still didnt have a lot, and th eones i did…well…we were the nerds, etc kinda cliche. But over the course of junior high and up until high school i was continuously left out. I have tried numerous times to get a chance to do things, but to no avail. It was like i was accidentally overlooked, but i knew what was going on. Well, my first year i went new school and played tackle football…i was phenomonal. i used to be called the kid with the golden fingers. i was at a all time high. well, that didnt last long, because next year i went on to High School and with that came new teammates and new coaches. I went to varsity football camp all three years of high school football, but when it came around to the regular season i was overlooked due to me being new kid and the two kids in front of me being of a specific religion and/ or related to th ehead coach. i was told time and again by teammates and position coaches that i should be given my chance and opportunity because i was simply good enough. But, once again…wasnt even given my chance. I just needed one chance to show what i had. This is at the varsity level as a sophmore. I went back to JVso i could play and played very well on both sides of the ball. The same thing happened my junior year and much of my senior year. i had a few very good moments in garbage time but was NEVER given my chance. I know could have impressed. I went on to play a year at a community college as was overshadowed by a scholarship player. He had dropped more than half is passes and i RARELY did. Yet, because he was a burner…and he was cocky, etc…he was the man. Once again, no chance. I out practiced people, outplayed whe i did play and was a much better teammate. But, sorry…no. Well, i ended up geting hit by a drunk driver and spent the next six mnths rehabbing lower back muscles due to it at a sports clinic. I had lost all focus on the one thing i loved dearly (football) and for three years, didnt work out or anything…except gain weight. I finally got the itch again and played two years of organized football untill i started a family and new responsibilities. I was now working for a company and was very good at what i was doing. I was up for a promotion but was passed over because…none other…they had to meet quotas…and i know you all know what i mean by that. Once again,. passed over. I was raised by an marine and always wanted to serve my counrty and see the world. I had freinds go into the service. Well, i went down to MEPS…aced everything except…you guessed it…the hearing test. This was for the Marines. Ok, ill try the Air Force…nope..sorry….Navy….no again..same thing…ears. Damn, i even had a friend whos father was an Army recruiter who knew me and knew of my dedication, desire and capabilities to be a very good soldier. He couldnt get me in th eArmy either….I even appealed to the President. Never heard a thing back. I wasnt asking to be a green beret or seal or anything…just get me in and find me a place. Hell, people lode thier hearing all th etime in th eservice and they find places for them. With my aid, i hear almost as good as normal. Once again, not given a chance to be what i know i would have been..a damn good soldier! I am gonna speed this up a bit as it is even a little lengthier than i had imagined. I shouold write a damn book……lol. Situations like the prior have happened all my life…..either i tried like hell to get a chance or whatever the case and seem to not even get the chance. I have tried out for things such as "Survivor" and got no response. I know if i got a call back, i would impress. I recently tried out for :American Gladiator" and had a very good tryout. I KNOW if i got a call back, i would impress. If after th ecall back, im not what you are looking for…fine…at least you gave me chance. I have overcome a lot and never turned to drugs or violence or anyhthing. I am one of th enicest guys and down to earth you will EVER meet. i am honest, loyal and very likeable. I would give you the shirt off my back if need be. I always try to do the right thing by both myself, my family and what the society deems right. I get knocked down an awful lot but get right back up. Some of my coworkers are amazed at how easy i nake a negative a positive. I try to remain that way all th etime. I have molded myself into a very good person and do unto others as id like done to me. I am a big believer in what goes around, comes around…no matter how hard or difficult it is…i still get up everyday and try again…its gonna come around…someday. I have a beautiful family. Been married for almost 15 years. I have four AWESOME kids that i cant wait toi get home to to give them a hug. I worked two jobs for over ten years so my wife could stay home with the kids. I recently quit(a year ago)my city job so i could spend time with my family and friends but am having a hard time financially now and may go back to work a second job until my youngest is in full day (next school season…yeah;), then my wife is gonna go to work while they are in school. I graduated in top 10% of my high school and went to college on a scholarship (without wearing my hearing aid most of my senior year so iwas more socially accpted…i just sat in front row and payed good attention…lol). Im the first person to graduate college in my family. I have worked my as off for EVERYTHING i have. I never asked anyone for anything other than one thing….Just give me a chance. If i cant do anything with that, then move on…but at least i had my chance. Without it, you will never get to know me, who i am , what i am about or what will happen when you give someone a chance that will take full atvantage of that chance. There you have it. I am sure i missed some things….questions abound, but in a nutshell, i hope i made my point. Im not the only one…i have seen people who have been unbelievable but will never be given a chance…and for us..that is all we are asking for…a chance. We are not asking to be given anything. We will be more than willing to earn it…but we need to be given a chance. Comments and questions will gladly be accpted and answered..and i can take consructive criticism. Thank you taking a look at this and take care.
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