Giving back to me

To some 5 pounds doesn’t really matter but when your trying to lose weight it seems it can make or break your progress. I’ve been going to the same doctor for a while now and they’ve been weighing me using their basic slide the bar across scale. Recently they changed their scale to a digital one and when I asked why they said the other scale had been off by five pounds! This may seem like nothing to you but this scale has made me believe I wasn’t making any progress in losing weight, so I was just about ready to give up. Last week when I went (before they changed to the digital scale) and it said 248 pounds . This week I’m 242 pounds and I asked if there was something wrong with this scale and the nurse told me "Nothings wrong with the scale, this one is just more accurate." When I told her of my dilemma she asked me did 5 pounds really matter , I thought about it and told her yes because I was about ready to give up. I couldn’t understand why all the walking and weight lifting I was doing wasn’t causing the number on the scale to decrease. And I was tired of the doctor fussing at me and telling me I’m not tring to lose the weight. Now all of a sudden he walks in and gives me great praise.

So I ask you, Does 5 pounds really matter?

I’m really proud of myself, I’m finally starting to see my work paying off.

The first pic was on March 17,2008, the second was May 7,2008.

What do you think?

I recently noticed that fo all my best efforts at obtaininig my goals I’ve never written them down. No wonder I find myself lost so often. So here it goes, my list of goals for April 2008 thru April 2009:(warning this is a first draft,so it may be vague)

1. Lose 25 pounds of fat, for a total weight loss of 50 pounds.
2. Make exercise a part of my daily life.
3. Plan family activities that do not revolve around food.(i.e. family walks)
4. Tone arms(triceps), legs and waist so I can wear shorts and a tank top for the summer. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit to the beach.
5. Hire a nutritionist to help me work on my diet.
6. Reward myself with dvds, cds or clothes instead of food.
7. Stop the negative self talk and thinking.
8. Find some positive, like minded people.
9. Become a Tranformation of the Week.(A girl can dream can’t she.)
10. Fall in love with me all over again.

See, I told you it’s kind of a rough draft, so I’ll update it later and organize it. It’s just to give you an idea of what I’m shooting for over the next year.

I’ve been really having a hard time lately. I’ve been dealing with major family issues, I can’t even talk about some of them or I might recieve a court order, but that hasn’t even bothered me as much as my health going haywire due to stress. My seizures even came back which put me in a bad place because some seizure medications really make you gain weight and retain water. The weight gain comes in them being so strong and damn near sedating me from life and people for about 8 hours a day and then I go to sleep.

Right now I’m fighting with my doctor and looking for a new one. I tell my doc the dosage is too strong, she tells me I have to adjust to it. Three months later I’m 16 pounds heavier and she’s tring to up my dosage. I’m already sleep for most of the day, I do it this way so by the time my kids are home I’m awoke. i just don’t like walking around feeling like my mind is cloudy and my mouth is dry. I have to take my health and my life back.

My BODY is Officially Under Construction. Please watch your step and put your hard hat on because were ready to get the ball rolling!

I never really believed in the ‘ole genetics theory until recently. I saw a picture of my great grandmother, when she was about the age I am now, and I look exactly like her. This was strange to me because she grew up on a farm, worked on the farm and walked everywhere and she was still about my size(200lbs +).

Alot of the women in my family take pride in the big legs and wide, child bearing hips passed down, BUT it just irks me at times when I lift weights and feel like I’m getting wider with every squat. Then after a few weeks my measurements all of a sudden drop but my weight goes up by 2 or 3 pounds.:(

I am sure that I can beat my genetics but they are putting up one hell of a fight!

Since the last time I wrote there has been some good news and some bad. First the bad, I gained all the weight back that I lost. I can’t blame anybody but me, stress and hormones.

This setback hit me hard because I’ve worked hard and let myself go. I take responsibility and have already started walking this week.

Also, on a personal note I decided to get back on the ball and stop babying my wounds because I was left out of my cousins wedding party because it was too expensive to make my dress and I would not have looked  good in a strapless, all white, formfitting gown.
WAKE-UP CALL! This kind of thing hurts and I could not get mad at her since she was paying for the dresses and had a budget. What did hurt was she let me get all the way to the fitting with the seamstress before telling me I was no longer apart of it.

Excuse me just ranting, but it did make me take a good look at myself.Has anyone else had a wake up call recently? Just wondering.

My health has been an issue since I was 13 years old. Some people just don’t understand what it feels like to be on top of the world one day and at te bottom of the barrel the next. It’s an uphill battle with many small victories along the way. My small victory today is getting an all clear to start working out and lifting weights. Well, to be truthful I got clearence on Friday, but didn’t get in contact with my trainer until Saturday. She’s concerned about my seizures and whether I’ll be able to push myself as much as I need to reach my goals. Pushing myself is not the problem it’s working around my sick days and hospital visits. I have equipment a home so I feel I can always do something even if it’s just a walk on the teadmill.

So here it is again I’m starting over, again. I really want to lose this weight because it’s bothering me so much. I guess it’s because my weight has so many bad memories associated with it. I’m 28 and I feel old before my time. I want to lose weight not just so I’ll look better but so I’ll feel better about myself.

 Do not get it twisted I’m probably more vain than any body you’ll ever meet, I love me. I just want the outside of me to match the inside. So to show how much I love me I make positive changes. And my motto from now on is "Failure is not an option".

Today has already started out horribly, I told a couple of my neighbors my birthday was coming up and they could not believe I wasn’t 30 or 40 years old. I felt so bad. I guess extra weight really does age you. But I never thought I looked that bad. I still feel bad.

I’ve been at the docter everyday this due to severe swelling of my face, legs, and hands. I was undergoing tests this week because my kidneys weren’t functioning properly due to all the meds they had me on. I was on one for my epilepsy, one for low blood pressure, one for bell palsy and one for my heart. Needless to say I’ve been overmedicated and now I will have to be weaned off of everything except my heart medication. This is what I was told by my regular doctor. 

Now I have been miserable all week. Anytime I try to take a walk or even climb the stairs my ankles swell up and I can’t get my shoes on, at least that was the case until I met Dr. Rice yesterday. She completely took me off of everything including the heart medication. She’s 75 years old and told me I would be her patient from now on because these "nuts" were going to kill me with all these meds. She sent me home with instructions of eating a big green salad for dinner and drinking as much distilled water as possible and then she told me to come back tomorrow.(Which would be today)

When I woke up this morning I didn’t have any swelling and I felt soooo much better.I went back to her this morning and she wrote me a prescription for a multi-vitamin once a day and 6 small meals a day along with 2 glasses of distilled water with every meal,  she also recommended that I take up some form of martial arts such as karate. I was also told to buy a pedometer and by the time she sees me again, next month, she wants to see my progress in a walking log. The only thing we didn’t see eye to eye on was weight lifting, she sees it as unnecessary, due to the fact that I’m a woman. She also believes that weight lifting should be left to men because I shouldn’t want to look like a man. Well, what she don’t know won’t hurt her, and I’m picking my weights up again after my b-day.

I have to go back to the hospital next week for an EKG and other tests and blood work so I will keep you posted.

 I didn’t think it was possible but my trainer made me literally sweat my perm out this morning. He worked me until my perm ran for the hills carrying buckets of sweat.

Interval training is so killer! I was sweating like i was in labor! I did circuit training doing squats, lunges, and some upper body exercises with a little treadmill, stairs or elliptical trainer thrown in here and there. It’s hard to explain but the hour passed so fast that it actually felt like fun.

Did I say fun? Maybe I’m dehydrated. =) Well, anyway i left the gym feeling like i accomplished something. I also left the gym with a curly mess on my head and a ponytail in my bag. Can you say BRAIDS?

Just checkin’ in.