From bad to worse
Just when i thought things were getting better…they go south, fast. I guess its denial that keeps Marty thinking that i can’t tell when something is up. Whenever there is something wrong, i can tell. I aske probably 3 times what was wrong. He said nothing, that he was just tired. Although i didnt believe him, i said okay. Then he did a shot of rum before going back to bed. That worries me. I talked to him about it too, he said it helps him sleep. That bothers me though, its the middle of the week and he has to work. He is going to be staying out in the field again tonight too. I told him that that concerned me, because that leads to drinking more often REALLY quick. Anyway…The night goes on and he begins to tell me how he thinks that we are having issues. That we are having problems and he doesnt know how to fix it. This is news to me. I had assumed that things were fine between us. I had no clue that we were even having issues. He said that one of the main things is that we arent that close anymore. Again, this was news to me. Every relationship goes through changes. You have really awesome times, you have bad times, and then there are times that arent really bad, things are good, but its more or less down time, y’know what i mean? Thats what i was thinking was going on. He’s been working really hard this cycle and hes been by himself mainly. I never give him shit about working all the time because thats his job. Conversation went on and he said that he thinks that its because of his work schedule that we arent connecting anymore. He even went so far as to say that he thinks im going to cheat on him or leave him because of it. Now, i can understand feeling that way in the beginning of a relationship. Especailly if that has happened to you more than once in the past. But we have been together a long time so there is no reason for him to think that way. Not once have i cheated on him or even thought about it. But he tells me that he’s almost sure that its going to happen. MY next question pissed him off, but i needed to know. I asked him why were we even together if he already has that in his head that thats going to happen. He said that he wants to work it out. I feel so frustrated because i dont know really what we are fixing. It almost make me feel like he enjoyed us beging together but now hes bored and doesnt want to do this anymore. We’re f’ing married, you cant just decide one day that you’ve had your fill and now its time to move on to something new….whats the point in getting married then? "Till death do you part…" what about that is complicated? None of it. I cried last night, and didnt go to bed until 1:15. I dont know if he feels like i dont appreciate him or that i dont do my part or what, but man ive been putting in overtime. Every morning i wake him up at 3:30am and get him up for work. I ride with him to work, drive back home go to the gym, come home get ready for work, go to work, pick him up, come home. I cook, i clean, i do laundry…im domesticated. I dont know what else to do….I feel the same as i did last night, and to make matters worse, he’s staying out in the field tonight, so I wont get to actually talk to him or see him until tomorrow night. I’m not going to the gym today, im going back to sleep
April 9, 2008 at 1:57 am
Evon ,check your PM honey.