Evon

So a little while ago Marty saw that i was on myspace and he asked me if i was looking for a girlfriend. I just laughed when he asked me that but now im trying to think….why did he ask me that? He knows that i have dated women before and that i have been with girls also, but he has never really commented about it before. Oh well, whatever. We have talked more about women lately though. Especially watching Rock of Love 2 and Flavor of Love 3 and Ms. Rap Supreme…gotta love VH1 for reality shows. Anyways im outie..gotta go to bed because we are going to the gym to do PT in the morning together..we havent worked out together in a LONG time…we shall see how it works out!

So this morning i was so proud of myself!! I had a little debate with myself at 5:45 this morning on whether i should go to the gym then, or wait and go in the evening. Im very glad i went ahead and got up though…Its going to be different now, since Marty is on Cycle break. He wont have to be at work at 4ish anymore, so ive go to really motivate myself to get up now. I feel really good though. Nice way to start off a new week in a new branch. Im a bit nervous though…eventhough its the same thing ive been doing for a month and a half, i think its because of the volume, i think thats why i feel anxious. Me and marty were talking last night about it. After a few days to get the feel for things, i should be good. I gotta go and finish getting dressed, but i will update sometime either tonight or tomorrow!

Today I started taking Hydroxycut Max. I can definitely feel it. Unlike the last thermogenic i was taking, i didnt really feel any added energy. With this stuff, i can feel the stimulation, but its not overpowering, y’know, not giving me the jitters. So far i like it, but its only the first day…A lot has been happening within the past few weeks. Yesterday i packed up my office. Monday i will be going back to my ‘home’ branch, lol. Im excited about going back there because its been a long time, but at the same time, there will be LOTS of work to be done…and not a lot of time to do it…..so ive got to get my mind right and prepared for the change.

 Its 4pm and me and my husband were supposed to go to the gym..i told him i would wait for him to go with me, but i dont think that he is going to go. I think he’s going to sleep all day. Which sucks because we were supposed to go to see the stock car races tonight…oh well we will see what happens. In the mean time ive got cleaning to do YAY! *note the sarcasm there….*

I went to the gym tonight instead of this morning and it was surprisingly slow. I guess because the weather is getting warmer so people are spending more time outside. Better for me! I did have some guy (he seemed pretty young) ask me about squats. **((side note…i added 20 pounds to my squat))** Its funny, I have my routine when i go to the gym. I run, do my back and biceps, then i do legs. When im on the treadmil nobody really pays attention to me. When i use the arm machines nobody really pays attention to me. But when i go to the free weights, the guys around there seem to buck up and try to act more macho. Bt when i go to the other machines on that side, they seem intrigued that there’s a girl in the midst. Anyway, back to the guy that was talking to me. I did maybe two sets of squats at 90lbs and stood around for a bit and caught my breath then i added 10 to each side and did 2 more sets. I went to get some water and the guy asked how often i did squats. I told him only 2 times a week (occasionally 3). We got to talking a little bit and i told him that ive really been sucking at the gym because i hadnt really gone that much in the past 2 weeks. He laughed and said that if my doing 110lb squats is on a bad day, i must be like heman on a good day. I thought that was funny. We’ll see how this goes. I feel like a sloth because of the past few weeks. Its like when i sham out, i sham out hard. But when i do what needs to be done, im dedicated. So now, ONCE AGAIN ive got to get my foods and stuff in order. Ive got to run by the store before picking up Marty from work in the morning. He’s pulling duty, so he wont be home tonight. Im gonna go and take a shower and get to bed, its a little after 10, and i want to be in bed by 10:30. I will prolly update in the morning after the gym.

So after most un necessary arguing, bickering, fighting, and plain ol’ anger, it seems that things are taking a turn for the better. Granted, thats exactly what i said last time we faught for a while, but this time it does feel different. My husband has been out of work for a week and he’s become a different person, the person i first met again. He seems much happier. We are leaving LAwton in a few hours and driving to Oklahoma City. We’re going to spend the day at the zoo, at the science center, and then we are going to dinner tonight. It definitely is a well deserved break. We arent going on vacation until next month. Oh and im changing offices. Im going to be officing at my home branch. Anyways, I feel a lot better as of today. I have to go but i will update in detail later

Getting better, but slowly…

Just when i thought things were getting better…they go south, fast. I guess its denial that keeps Marty thinking that i can’t tell when something is up. Whenever there is something wrong, i can tell. I aske probably 3 times what was wrong. He said nothing, that he was just tired. Although i didnt believe him, i said okay. Then he did a shot of rum before going back to bed. That worries me. I talked to him about it too, he said it helps him sleep. That bothers me though, its the middle of the week and he has to work. He is going to be staying out in the field again tonight too. I told him that that concerned me, because that leads to drinking more often REALLY quick. Anyway…The night goes on and he begins to tell me how he thinks that we are having issues. That we are having problems and he doesnt know how to fix it. This is news to me. I had assumed that things were fine between us. I had no clue that we were even having issues. He said that one of the main things  is that we arent that close anymore. Again, this was news to me. Every relationship goes through changes. You have really awesome times, you have bad times, and then there are times that arent really bad, things are good, but its more or less down time, y’know what i mean? Thats what i was thinking was going on. He’s been working really hard this cycle and hes been by himself mainly. I never give him shit about working all the time because thats his job. Conversation went on and he said that he thinks that its because of his work schedule that we arent connecting anymore. He even went so far as to say that he thinks im going to cheat on him or leave him because of it. Now, i can understand feeling that way in the beginning of a relationship. Especailly if that has happened to you more than once in the past. But we have been together a long time so there is no reason for him to think that way. Not once have i cheated on him or even thought about it. But he tells me that he’s almost sure that its going to happen. MY next question pissed him off, but i needed to know. I asked him why were we even together if he already has that in his head that thats going to happen. He said that he wants to work it out. I feel so frustrated because i dont know really what we are fixing. It almost make me feel like he enjoyed us beging together but now hes bored and doesnt want to do this anymore. We’re f’ing married, you cant just decide one day that you’ve had your fill and now its time to move on to something new….whats the point in getting married then? "Till death do you part…" what about that is complicated? None of it. I cried last night, and didnt go to bed until 1:15. I dont know if he feels like i dont appreciate him or that i dont do my part or what, but man ive been putting in overtime. Every morning i wake him up at 3:30am and get him up for work. I ride with him to work, drive back home go to the gym, come home get ready for work, go to work, pick him up, come home. I cook, i clean, i do laundry…im domesticated. I dont know what else to do….I feel the same as i did last night, and to make matters worse, he’s staying out in the field tonight, so I wont get to actually talk to him or see him until tomorrow night. I’m not going to the gym today, im going back to sleep

Not really a mishaps, mainly just the insomnia. I thought it was getting better but it kinda took a step back. Last night i layed in bed forever it seemed. I was watching TV for a while and then shut it off to try sleeping….unfortunately it didnt help. I just layed there, tossing around, fidgeting with the sheet, staring at the walls, listening to the wind howl outside our window. Im guessing that i finally went to sleep around 1:30. Which wasnt that great considering that i had to get Marty up around 2:45-3am. Im about to lay back down and try to get an hour or two more before going to the gym…This week has been a long week already, and its only Wednesday. I just cant wait for my vacation to get here. We’re supposed to be going back to visit my mom and brother in Louie, but he hasnt even turned in his leave form to get those days off. As much as i want to go back home, i will be perfectly happy hanging out at home or going to Dallas or OKC or someplace. I just need a break from work…Anyway, im going to bed! Wish me luck falling asleep for round 2. *grunbles*

I’ve been pretty lazy lately. Lazy as in not really posting anything on here…This post isnt going to be any better honestly..lol. Im going to lay back down for 45 minutes and then go to the gym. When i get back, hopefully then i will post something better. LATER!