Evon

TV on a Saturday night sucks….the only thing i found worth watching is The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search. I love this show. Also there are a lot of really pretty girls on this show. There is this redhead who is cute and she has an amazing pair of lips. There is this blonde girl named sarah that is really cute (except she has this mole or something on her chin). But her body is friggin’ CRAZY!! There is a girl who looks like Alicia Silverstone. She’s pretty too. Anyways im outtie!

Are all men so moody??? 

I am at a loss for words…I have no idea what is going on. I feel like i did something to piss marty off, but i have no clue what. Yesterday he was super mad when he woke up. He got up around 8 and was trudging around the apartment grumbling to himself. Slammed a few things around, and then left to get something to eat. He came back, ate, and went back to bed. I stayed out of his way, didnt say anything to him, but that didnt make things better. I figured that if i gave him some time to himself when he woke up, he would get over his grumpyness and then be better..but that wasnt the case. I told him twice that i loved him, but he didnt so much as look at me. I asked him what did i do, he said ’nothing’. I don’t understand. After a little while, he asked if i was going to come lay down. I told him i didnt think he wanted me around him. I just felt like he didnt want me around, y’know? But he said that was crazy talk, then he acted like nothing even happened. This morning it was the same thing. Normally when i wake him up, he may not be perky, but he isnt mean. This morning, everytime i tried waking him up, he just said "WHAT" in a cold voice. Once he actually got up we went around again with the whole not talking thing. This is killing me….I guess im just frustrated and confused…. I have been up for a while (i went to the gym this morning) I gotta go soon because i have a conference call and i have to stop and get something to eat. But i will probably update again once i get home this evening…

So this morning i didnt go to the gym. I slept right through my alarms. I woke up a little before 8 and i immediately knew i couldnt go. I had this bad burning feeling in the pit of my stomach. Kinda like the bad feeling you get when you’ve done something bad or wrong. I felt like absolute crap. I’d been doing so well and all of a sudden i missed a work out. My question is, is that me over reacting, being too hard on myself, or is it justifiable. I’ve been thinking about it all day. I keep thinking that i should go to the gym tonight. They dont close until 10, but my husband wants me to wake him up in 15 minutes, and then i have to cook him dinner. I feel like i really need to go to the gym though..I duino, I just have this feeling that is telling me to go. *shrugs* i dont know if i am just being stupid and too harsh or what. But i do know that i did not go to the gym on Sunday, so now that i havent gone today, if i dont go this evening, i will only be able to go 5 days this week. Does this sound like im doing too much? In a way it does, but in a way it doesnt. Ive been almost religious about working out and eating right and trying to transform myself, but i guess i am feeling like if i do not go, then it will become easier and easier to not go. *shrugs* i duno…

When you come to accept reality, it can be an envigorating thing, or a depressing thing. Accepting reality is different from Settling for Something. When you understand that there are some things you cannot change, this can take personal strain and stress away from you. But at the same time, this takes a bit of ambition away from you. I remember an article i read a long time ago. The woman who was being interviewed said something along the lines of "No matter what you do, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be prettier, someone will always be more likeable….Instead of worry about your ’competitor’ be the best you personally can." I remember that. I admit that i do care too much about other peoples opinion of me. I worry a lot about how i compare next to other people. Especially other women. I am fairly happy with myself, but I guess there is a part of my self esteem that is low. I try to think of that quote when i find myself feeling down, but sometimes it doesnt help. When my husband talks to women whether it be out somewhere or online, i always find myself thinking about how i compare with her. I dont know why but i feel like i always have to compare myself with other women, just to see. I duno…*shrugs* I have to get my food and stuff together for this week. I will probably go to bed within the next 2 hours, i need to get myself ready for getting up early in the morning…..

Oh my god, i must say that last night i felt like i was going to die!!!! Yesterday was my free day and it was not a good one. I ate chicken fingers and french fries. I also drank with my husband. That was what killed me. I didnt even drink a lot. I drank mabye 3 or 4 glasses rum & coke. We decided to go to the casino. Oh my god, i could barely see straight. We stayed there for about an hour, but i had to get to the bathroom 2 times because i got so sick. We left and i just felt terrible! We got home and i passed out. I woke up around 9am this morning and got sick once again. Y’know i was so surprised by how terrible i felt and how sick i got. Before when i would drink, i could polish off double the amount i drank last night and be fine….I’d been working on my food and i got it down pat, so i guess that when i ate that fried food and drank that alcohol, my body just rejected it. I’m glad that i got sick like that because now i wont be eating that stuff and drinking anymore. *shudders* I really should go to the gym today, but i figure that i went 6 days last week. I believe Sunday was the only day i didnt go then. So i am thinking that i will keep up the same schedule and see how that goes. I was reading up on some different suppliments that i am thinking about trying once i am done wiht the one ive got now. I gotta go. I ate some soup so i gotta go clean up my mess!

Not trying to toot my own horn, but i am really impressed with my motivation this week. Like, seriously! Ive done so good with being consistant with my food and working out. I feel so good, accomplished even. I just got back from the gym. I got there around 7:30/7:45 this morning. I ran for 30 minutes, did bench presses, situps, crunches, SLDL, Squats (im proud of myself……A$$ 2 Gra$$ *woo hoo!!*), lunges and calf raises. I worked on my tri’s but i dont know what the heck the name of the exercise was. I feel so good! Im going to make something to eat soon, i was thinking about making Marty Breakfast. I have no clue when he is going to get up though. *shrugs* I have a lot of cleaning to do around the house too….We were supposed to go to Oklahoma City this weekend (primarily to get me a dress for the military ball thats comming up), but i dont really know if we are still gonna go. It would be nice to get out of Lawton for a bit, but its cool if we dont. Im just glad to get a break from work. I cant wait until my vacation next month…I’ll be hitting the gym harder by then. Wow, thats crazy…When i went to bed last night i was laying there thinking over what i was going to do at the gym today. I guess working out and body building is embedding itself deep in my brain. Im not complaining not one bit though. I gotta get my tape measurer and measure myself today. I wanted to do it once i got out of the shower, but i dont have it here. Marty took it to work, so i was going to stop and pick another one up, but i completely forgot. Oh well…I will measure myself soon enough.

Before i actually start this post, i have to post a picture of my hero:  

I guess I’ve gotten a bit spoiled by going to the gym in the mornings…Today I went in the evening and was just annoyed the whole time. In the morning there is noone there. But in the evening…EVEN ON FRIDAY NIGHTS there are people there. Girls walking around talking on the phone or texting people. Thats the one thing that bothers me the most about teenaged girls that are in the gym. None of them are working out, they just hang around where the guys are and sit on the equipment texting. I especially get annoyed when they are on the one machine i need to use. I don’t want to be rude and ask them to move, so i just find something else to do until they move on to another thing to take up space on.

*sighs* im going tomorrow ar 7, since thats what time the gym opens. Normally i dont go on Saturdays, but i really want to go to finish up the what i didnt get to do today. I was a bit sad before i left though, my ipod died. poor thing, hadn’t been charged up for over a week for sure…lol. But im making sure that its fully charged now! Its weird working out with no music…its definitely more boring. When i listen to music (lately it’s been a lot of Daddy Yankee and Pitbull..i luv me sum reggaton!!!) i tend to zone out when i work out…not like distracted, but more focus. The music gets me psyched up. Anyway, my husband is sleeping and im debating on if i want to wake him up or not. Its like 10pm. I think i will just let him sleep. I have to put his food in the fridge though,…he got some GREASY, and i mean GREASY chicken from the supermarket. It looks nasty because you can see the grease, but man it smells so good!!!! Speaking of food, im going to try something different this week, im going to pre cook my food for next week. Hopefully that makes my eating set in stone. Im a creature of habit so once i get that down pat, i should be good to hook. Well…i guess im going to take a shower and watch tv before going to bed..i will update after the gym tomorrow definitely.

<3

*whew* i just got back from the store…y’know what i hate?? paying so much for food…coutry mart is so expensive!!! But its too late to go to the Commisary on post, they are already closed. I got a lot of food!!! Good food, but a lot of it. I was going to try and cook and prepare my suff for the next few days, but i dont think i will have the time to. I gotta go get marty in about 10-15 minutes. So i will prolly just wait until we get back home. Work was nice today, it went by fast. But i was sad when i found out that Claud is leaving our branch to go to Gore. Her last day is tomorrow. She had her interview, and BAM there she goes…thats the 3rd person that has left since i moved to that branch…kinda makes me wonder what is really going on though. Anways, i am going to get cooking…im excited about it! I haven’t cooked Salmon in a long time! I can’t wait to try it. But i will wait on that one for this weekend im hoping. Anyways, im outtie!

Im back from the gym! waiting on my oatmeal to cook so i can eat breakfast then take a shower…Y’know, i can honestly say that i really do like going to the gym in the mornings. Today there were like 7 or 8 people when i got there (most of them were doing cardio) but by the time i left, there was an elderly couple (they were so adorable!!!!) and myself…..THATS IT! Today was a light day so i did way more cardio than anything else. But i did start doing bench presses. It was a little awkward at first because i’d never really done them before, but i think im going to keep doing them. Im happy with myself this week. Especially with eating and working out. I finally fixed my eating habits and ive noticed a difference with myself just after 3 days. I also quit smoking(i did have 1 between sunday and today, but thats it! NO MORE!!!) and i feel pretty dang good! My body is getting itself back together and i love the way i feel!

This is becoming a good week for me…not just with working out but in general. Work is going outstanding…Im ranked # 16 out of EVERY FSR in our entire bank group (kickin’ arse and takin names) and yesterday i spent probably about an hour talking with a customer that was so much fun. I wish all of my customers had good senses of humor like him (and it didnt hurt that he was hot as hell either! *drools*) Anyway. Im gonna eat some breakfast, but i will probably update tomorrow morning before or after the gym!

Man, i cant believe how good i feel. Monday i started that fat burner, and yesterday i started going to the gym in the mornings. I dont know why i havent been doing that all along, im usually up in the morning. There were like 5 people there total and they were all older people. It was nice!!!! I worked out good and then came home, tokk a shower, took my time getting ready for work for a change. Best part about yesterday?? No insomnia!!!! I swear i layed down and fell right to sleep. Im goin to see if today hails the same fate. Im actually about to head to the gym anyway. I will update once i get home