Comments on: Welcome! http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/ my super fantasic Bodybuilding.com BodyBlog Sat, 05 Dec 2009 04:15:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=0.32 by: eventuallydawn http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11536161 Thu, 03 Dec 2009 05:31:57 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11536161 I ask myself why I keep at it, why I do what I do,for my sanity..ahh its the weights..that first step into the gym..my mind is on one thing and one thing only..and it begins..just pick up the weight ..get it going.. getting past the pain,wondering if I am going to throw up or just fall down..then...it comes my strength and determination..I will not deviate.. I will not skip a rep or a set..for this is... the test of what I am truly made of..and all scores are evened here. And for awhile I forget..FORGET WHAT A MESS MY LIFE IS... I cannot seem to get it all in place..train as hard as I can..I am an emotional person all I do is made of my heart..ahh have to force my self to F&^&ng eat..I have not turned away from the iron for it keeps me connected to him..to share the same love..another way I can love him while he is gone....I loved being married..I miss my life with him..take what I can get when I can..Keep at it..keep finding myway through the doors of the gym and doing the best I can. Things I cannot change..the only thing I can control here is I am going to get up in the morning and get it done..doesn't matter if I feel like it anymore or if I have something else I should do..because I don't! This belongs to me..my pain my struggle it is all mine..I have been a frail shadow..dodging blows ..running away from pain all my life..now I wake up to it..and face it..cry my heart out a thousand times...wipe off my face..and walk through that door as if my life depends on it..and funny thing it actually does.. I ask myself why I keep at it, why I do what I do,for my sanity..ahh its the weights..that first step into the gym..my mind is on one thing and one thing only..and it begins..just pick up the weight ..get it going.. getting past the pain,wondering if I am going to throw up or just fall down..then…it comes my strength and determination..I will not deviate.. I will not skip a rep or a set..for this is… the test of what I am truly made of..and all scores are evened here. And for awhile I forget..FORGET WHAT A MESS MY LIFE IS…

I cannot seem to get it all in place..train as hard as I can..I am an emotional person all I do is made of my heart..ahh have to force my self to F&^&ng eat..I have not turned away from the iron for it keeps me connected to him..to share the same love..another way I can love him while he is gone….I loved being married..I miss my life with him..take what I can get when I can..Keep at it..keep finding myway through the doors of the gym and doing the best I can. Things I cannot change..the only thing I can control here is I am going to get up in the morning and get it done..doesn’t matter if I feel like it anymore or if I have something else I should do..because I don’t! This belongs to me..my pain my struggle it is all mine..I have been a frail shadow..dodging blows ..running away from pain all my life..now I wake up to it..and face it..cry my heart out a thousand times…wipe off my face..and walk through that door as if my life depends on it..and funny thing it actually does..

]]> by: bodyauditor http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11471851 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:53:46 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11471851 And oh yeah, by the way....hope things are going better for you. Strive to be positive, regardless of the situation and things will be positive. Strive to enjoy each moment of life, and you will. Life is too short to simply react to how others treat us. Choose to proact, then sit back and enjoy! And oh yeah, by the way….hope things are going better for you. Strive to be positive, regardless of the situation and things will be positive. Strive to enjoy each moment of life, and you will. Life is too short to simply react to how others treat us. Choose to proact, then sit back and enjoy!

]]> by: bodyauditor http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11471841 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:50:53 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11471841 Left click "bodyblog" on your page, then left click, "write post." Then, wah-lah....you should be up and running. It appears as though you are just replying to your original reply to Mr. Bodybog.... Left click "bodyblog" on your page, then left click, "write post." Then, wah-lah….you should be up and running. It appears as though you are just replying to your original reply to Mr. Bodybog….

]]> by: eventuallydawn http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11471761 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:17:01 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11471761 Never enough it seems.. Never enough it seems..

]]> by: eventuallydawn http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11465141 Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:31:41 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11465141 When is enough really enough, I have been on the just had your heart ripped out diet again lost nearly 7 lbs in a week. missed the gym 2 of those days..cried and layed in bed and thought about maybe it was time to start antidepressants..lol..yeah just a thought. Tried a few distractions here and there..drank some wine and felt sorry for myself. Wondering how I got tangled up in this mess ..wondering what is my bottom line..surpassed any standard for a bottom line a long time ago. Love ahh my enigma. Never been a quitter..but know I have to live..really just stay alive . I have the gym, the weights my salvation lately for months and I am tired of this f&^%$ng ride. So regardless of what I truly desire ..to love a man who captivated me touched my soul and stole my heart..who has dragged me through his hell, stayed in it waiting...Now I will live my life because I have to. I have come way to far to lay down..and if all I can do is stand then I will. My heart is heavy always with the presence of a dream of a different life..one I knew and loved despite all the pain that came with it. You don't always get what you want or deserve I have been playing against a stacked deck for so long and it is eroding the essense of all the beautiful things I am. I will not let myself fall any further down the rabbit hole. I do not know what lies ahead, I know this is not my fault anymore and there is nothing left for me to say I am sorry for..I possess amazing strength when I have been knocked to the ground face down..time to get up, wipe away the tears, brush myself off ..clean up the mess knowing I tried harder than any other woman would to heal my marriage, and simply say goodbye... When is enough really enough, I have been on the just had your heart ripped out diet again lost nearly 7 lbs in a week. missed the gym 2 of those days..cried and layed in bed and thought about maybe it was time to start antidepressants..lol..yeah just a thought. Tried a few distractions here and there..drank some wine and felt sorry for myself. Wondering how I got tangled up in this mess ..wondering what is my bottom line..surpassed any standard for a bottom line a long time ago. Love ahh my enigma. Never been a quitter..but know I have to live..really just stay alive . I have the gym, the weights my salvation lately for months and I am tired of this f&^%$ng ride. So regardless of what I truly desire ..to love a man who captivated me touched my soul and stole my heart..who has dragged me through his hell, stayed in it waiting…Now I will live my life because I have to. I have come way to far to lay down..and if all I can do is stand then I will. My heart is heavy always with the presence of a dream of a different life..one I knew and loved despite all the pain that came with it. You don’t always get what you want or deserve I have been playing against a stacked deck for so long and it is eroding the essense of all the beautiful things I am. I will not let myself fall any further down the rabbit hole. I do not know what lies ahead, I know this is not my fault anymore and there is nothing left for me to say I am sorry for..I possess amazing strength when I have been knocked to the ground face down..time to get up, wipe away the tears, brush myself off ..clean up the mess knowing I tried harder than any other woman would to heal my marriage, and simply say goodbye…

]]> by: eventuallydawn http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11354431 Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:49:22 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11354431 Love the strongest of all forces on this earth I am convinced. Love the strongest of all forces on this earth I am convinced.

]]> by: eventuallydawn http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11245351 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 13:46:13 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11245351 To maintian a feeling of anger ..how I survive..not by any way easy..for inside me there is a softer side..a woman with a fragile heart. Good days ..bad days.mostly good..most of the time. Went to a BB show..the women sitting in front and behind me were cheering on thier husbands..and I was reminded how I have been cheated out of a life I so very much wanted with someone who was not at all who they appeared to me..so for me I am still in love withthe life I wish I had and the person who never really was. Just keep my game face on..just stay strong for the fight..get my butt to the gym take it all there and survive this. I am hopeful that there is a bigger and better plan forme somewhere out there ..time will heal and I don't have to walk around so pissed off to keep from falling apart. To maintian a feeling of anger ..how I survive..not by any way easy..for inside me there is a softer side..a woman with a fragile heart. Good days ..bad days.mostly good..most of the time. Went to a BB show..the women sitting in front and behind me were cheering on thier husbands..and I was reminded how I have been cheated out of a life I so very much wanted with someone who was not at all who they appeared to me..so for me I am still in love withthe life I wish I had and the person who never really was. Just keep my game face on..just stay strong for the fight..get my butt to the gym take it all there and survive this. I am hopeful that there is a bigger and better plan forme somewhere out there ..time will heal and I don’t have to walk around so pissed off to keep from falling apart.

]]> by: eventuallydawn http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11200341 Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:04:01 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11200341 "It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." - "The Man in the Arena" "It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

- "The Man in the Arena"

]]> by: eventuallydawn http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11175031 Mon, 05 Oct 2009 14:08:46 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11175031 LOL..LOL.. Slander...LOL..My soon to be x makes statements about slander..Well if he considers the personal ads her placed looking for transvestites, the searches on the computer for tansvestites escorts in Ct aswell as gay clubs..Slander..perhaps a good review of the definition would be in order..Ok so I am pissed..pissed I gave my entire heart to someone that was a fraud..pissed I allowed myself to be financially taken advantage of. Stolen from and used..My bad here..not happening agian to me..so all you very sexy nice men that contact me on this site..My senses are up..I am all about myself ..my body and what I want when I want it..will never be vunerable again.. LOL..LOL.. Slander…LOL..My soon to be x makes statements about slander..Well if he considers the personal ads her placed looking for transvestites, the searches on the computer for tansvestites escorts in Ct aswell as gay clubs..Slander..perhaps a good review of the definition would be in order..Ok so I am pissed..pissed I gave my entire heart to someone that was a fraud..pissed I allowed myself to be financially taken advantage of. Stolen from and used..My bad here..not happening agian to me..so all you very sexy nice men that contact me on this site..My senses are up..I am all about myself ..my body and what I want when I want it..will never be vunerable again..

]]> by: eventuallydawn http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11132281 Sun, 27 Sep 2009 06:46:18 +0000 http://blog.bodybuilding.com/eventuallydawn/2008/12/04/welcome/#comment-11132281 Life for me has not been easy. I married a man lionheart65..the day we met I asked some serious questions..which I got answers too..I had just lost my father and was vunerable and shaken..here was this beautiful man..I felt as if I was truly being rescued. We were inseperable and I fell in love..everything went fast..I was overwhelmed..First thing I noticed was the lithium..perhaps this was a red flag..I was a nurse thought I knew best..thought I could help..big mistake ..first of many..then found out the car he was driving wasn't even his..long story..conned some girl into buying for him..then decided to stop making payments on it and she has since had her wages garnished and her credit ruined..He pressured the idea of living together ..that only after we were married come to find out he wasn't paying the rent where he was living. I MARRIED HIM..and then it all began. A month after we were married he up and left without warning..for a few days..I was desperated to find him so I went into our computer at home..only to find the strangest things about exorcism and spiritual war fare..and guess what an ad of his on an adult site looking for transvestites..Yeah ..my life was turning inot a nightmare..said he was curious..well the perversions have continued he is so much more than curious..he left me in May..with an empty oil tank, overdue bills and a house rent he knew I could not afford..he has made every attempt to paralyze me..left behind his cat and whatever else he wanted..I have continued to pay his gym dues as well as his health insurance..he is actively pursuing his perversion..and there is nothing that can stop it. I feel cheated and lied to..people say move on..how do I..I get my ass to the gym..I have cried my heart out for nearly four months..I have hit an emotional low..but I am so not going to let this destroy me..I believe most people are good..Love is possible..life is not over..I am stronger now..I will fight back and stand..if that is all I can do ..I will get on my feet and stand..I loved this man without condition..accepted his mental illness and his flaws..offered love and help..I am angry now..he took my money..my kindness and my heart. He asks what did he do? LOL..LOL.. Life for me has not been easy. I married a man lionheart65..the day we met I asked some serious questions..which I got answers too..I had just lost my father and was vunerable and shaken..here was this beautiful man..I felt as if I was truly being rescued. We were inseperable and I fell in love..everything went fast..I was overwhelmed..First thing I noticed was the lithium..perhaps this was a red flag..I was a nurse thought I knew best..thought I could help..big mistake ..first of many..then found out the car he was driving wasn’t even his..long story..conned some girl into buying for him..then decided to stop making payments on it and she has since had her wages garnished and her credit ruined..He pressured the idea of living together ..that only after we were married come to find out he wasn’t paying the rent where he was living. I MARRIED HIM..and then it all began. A month after we were married he up and left without warning..for a few days..I was desperated to find him so I went into our computer at home..only to find the strangest things about exorcism and spiritual war fare..and guess what an ad of his on an adult site looking for transvestites..Yeah ..my life was turning inot a nightmare..said he was curious..well the perversions have continued he is so much more than curious..he left me in May..with an empty oil tank, overdue bills and a house rent he knew I could not afford..he has made every attempt to paralyze me..left behind his cat and whatever else he wanted..I have continued to pay his gym dues as well as his health insurance..he is actively pursuing his perversion..and there is nothing that can stop it. I feel cheated and lied to..people say move on..how do I..I get my ass to the gym..I have cried my heart out for nearly four months..I have hit an emotional low..but I am so not going to let this destroy me..I believe most people are good..Love is possible..life is not over..I am stronger now..I will fight back and stand..if that is all I can do ..I will get on my feet and stand..I loved this man without condition..accepted his mental illness and his flaws..offered love and help..I am angry now..he took my money..my kindness and my heart. He asks what did he do? LOL..LOL..

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