Regrets
BY HEIDI FLETCHER
RE-GRET ri’gret - verb, -gret-ted, -gret-ting,–verb (used with object)
1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.
2. a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.
3. a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.
SYNONYMS - repent, rue
Related words - bemoan, bewail, lament; grieve, mourn, sorrow; deprecate, disapprove
No matter what way you look at it, how your pronounce it, or define it, regret sucks. Whether it is regret for not taking advantage of an opportunity knocking at your door, doing something you know you should, or something you know that you shouldn’t, boiled down, it’s not pretty. And can leave you with an empty and guilt driven feeling. Sometimes you can chalk up a ‘regret’ to a learning experience. You went out on a limb only to find that it wasn’t a great decision and to look back on it you can say “I regret doing that… but….” But, had you known of the consequences you wouldn’t have done it. And in most cases you come out a little wiser from every “OOPS”. So lesson learned, and most of the time you won’t make the same mistake twice. But at least now you know.
There are the small regrets that you have that you keep to yourself. You regret not following through with a goal you had set, you may regret overspending on a day out at the mall, and then there is the regret for overindulging at your favorite eatery. These regrets although small, are still kept in your memory. The next time you go to buy that pair of expensive jeans or bag, you think “Um, remember the last time.” Is it healthy to remind yourself of these small regrets or is this something that we can let go of? It’s all of personal choice what we chose to remember and what we chose to let go. But sometimes it isn’t healthy and can eat away at you. It’s almost as if you are mentally beating yourself up. I mean, does it really matter that you had a piece of cheesecake two weeks ago? Well, if you are three weeks away from a fitness show, then maybe, but otherwise, what’s the big deal… because 5 years from now, even 5 months, that day and err will be forgotten.. You can regret not going to a birthday party, funeral, or otherwise social event. That happens to be how you were feeling that day, the mood that you were in, or the company that you were going to have to keep. If you made the conscious decision not to attend and now you are feeling guilty, don’t dwell on it, you can’t get that event back. Why keep torturing yourself. Be sure, though, that you keep that in your active memory so that the next time you decide not to go to, for example, a 50th anniversary party, you say to yourself ‘…remember the last time…’ and you go. You can always leave early, but like most things, when it’s gone, it’s gone, and you can’t get it back.
When it comes to contest preparation, I have always said there is no worse feeling than standing on stage with the feeling of regret… coulda, shoulda, woulda… If you have made the choice to go after your goals whether it be a fitness contest, art show, or starting your own business, just do it. Don’t make excuses and don’t do it half assed, because when the end result comes and the final date arrives do you want to look back and have regrets? This, I tell you, is when regret will get the better part of you.
I wish I had spent more money to buy better product…
I wish I had put more time into perfecting my work
I wish I had trained harder, had less cheat meals, dieted longer.
When it is time for the unveiling of your well thought out goal, you want to be sure you have exhausted all resources in your journey toward your goal. There is nothing that you could have done to be any better than you are right at this very moment. You are at your best, the top of your game… win or lose, at the very least you can say “No Regrets”. You can walk away with your head held high. Then and only then can you begin racking your brain in order to figure out how to be better…. Better than your best. One of my favorite quotes “Don’t worry about being better than everyone else, worry about being better than you used to be.” In my own archive of regrets I can say that a few of them were well thought out but just turned out to be wrong. Some were due to temptation and many were done under a lot of stress. A few were also caused by complete ignorance and stupidity. I can though say that within the few regrets that I do have no matter how cliché it may sound, it is with the things I did not do. Chances I may have missed, opportunities I did not act on, and things that I didn’t do. But as I had encountered that feeling, I can honestly say that I have learned to take more chances, put myself out there, and try new things. At least I can say I tried, and never wonder ‘what if.’ It can be a scary road though, so travel with care.
In the treasure chest of our brains we keep a little compartment of all our ‘regrets’. Things we should have done, and definitely things that we should not have done. Does it help to review them in some kind of formal fashion? Maybe, but this is not an easy thing to do. So in your pursuit of ‘no more regrets’, I wish you a safe journey.buld on it; it’s only for wallowing in.MAKE IT A RULE OF LIFE NEVER TO REGRET AND NEVER TO LOOK BACK. REGRET IS AN APPALLING WASTE OF ENERGY; YOU CAN’T BUILD ON IT, IT’S ONLY FOR WALLOWING IN.
NO VALIDATION NEEDED.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission” - Eleanor Roosevelt
Over and over again I hear it from fellow competitors and girls that I train, “…I just can’t concentrate… my head isn’t in the game… I have too much going on…” and too often than not it has to do with a guy. Whether it be someone they just started dating or a long term boyfriend, there are many guys out there that aren’t supportive and view Fitness/Figure as a distraction and as ‘something’ that takes away from their time or plan. Trust me, I understand that this is sometimes a selfish sport, as countless hours are spent in the gym, preparing food, and the prohibiting of being able to eat out or attend certain functions. There are definitely compromises that need to be made from both sides, however, I am also the first person to say “Deal with it… this is me, and what makes me happy…. Take it or leave it.”I have seen girls give up when they are so close, or just not put 100% into a goal that they have set for themselves all due to outside forces either being unsupportive or better yet, being made to feel that what they were doing was ‘stupid’, ‘silly’, not worth the effort, or something of the like.
In the last year I had two girls back out of shows due to ‘boyfriend issues’. Now, if I tell you that I have never had ‘issues’ or times when I thought that I just couldn’t mentally handle it, it would be a lie. But I some how was able to dig deep and realize that I was doing this (in my case competing) for a reason… oh yah, cause it’s what I want to be doing. So why stop? Why not complete the journey that I have set out for myself? Because someone else doesn’t agree with it? I don’t think so!! Both girls I pleaded with to say “F” them… it’s about me, and if he can’t handle it, then too bad. Move on… go forward. But for whatever reason there are girls who let these men make them feel like what they were doing (whether it be competing or anything else) that they were less than adequate. Or for some reason or another were waiting on validation from these guys that they are worthy enough of their companionship and will do anything to please them, even give up on their aspirations or act in a way they normally wouldn’t just for that validation. Almost to the point of becoming diluted versions of themselves! Let me say this… GET OFF THE path to get corroboration from the people around you and return to your own journey. Do not become a passenger of someone else’s and instead be happy being who you are. Girls….Be you… trust me… in the end, you’ll be much happier, and when these guys are gone, you’ll still know who you are! Do not allow yourself to be subjected to these people that are clearly not supportive. By not supporting you or putting your efforts or goals down they are calling themselves out. Realize it, and move on, you are better than that.
So to all you AWESOME women out there who have been or are in a relationship like this… I say this… Embrace yourself and every step of your journey that you take, fitness and otherwise. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to know that you deserve nothing but the very best. Make all your own choices, because in the end YOU have to live with you, and sadly enough 9 out of 10 times these guys won’t be around in the long run. Please, just commit yourself to being the magnificent women that you are.
“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” - Carrie, Sex in the City
July 30, 2007 at 2:41 pm
At the end of the day, we have to accept the consequences of our decisions: good, or bad. We can’t change yesterday, we can only learn from it. We cannot predetermine the future, we can only prepare for it. Therefore, do not accentuate that of yesterday, focus on what today brings: only then will the bounty of tomorrow be fully realized! BREAK..Realize that people change before loving someone. For falling in love with someone, only represents a moment in time. All things change: understand this and allow it. Only at this point, will a person be able to fully love someone and subsequently, can fully be loved by someone.