drebehbeh’s BodyBlog

This has been a rough week.  I had a night where i went absolutely crazy with the feta cheese.  I couldn’t help myself, and you know what!?  I don’t feel the least bit guilty.  It was delicious, and I really don’t look any different.  I am taking a different approach.  2 cheat days a week, but 1 must be a healthy cheat.  I was originally having 1 cheat, but that wasn’t really enough to keep me sane.  I’m going to be honest with you,  I was craving cheese, and lots of it.  So, what did I binge on?  A Greek salad with grilled chicken on top.  And yes, I did have some pita bread too…  Either way, and this may sound like a justification to make myself feel better, I don’t think I went that far off track, if at all.  I was literally to the point where I almost couldn’t stop myself.  I shoveled that DELICIOUS salad into my that cavity we call a mouth.  I didn’t chew, I didn’t savor, I seriously shoveled it in.  And of all the things to be craving, jeese louis, IT WAS A SALAD.  Filled with fresh tomatoes, onion slices, green pepper wedges, kalamata olives, crumbled feta, and a garlic vinaigrette of some sort.  It was delicious, and no, there was absolutely NO GUILT.  Because it’s 2 days later, and I’ve been 100% on track and feeling fantastic about what I’m doing; not feeling like I’m going to eat a whole pizza, several breadsticks with ranch dressing, a chug giant stein of beer, and be done with it all!!  Not that that doesn’t sound tantalizing…:)  But the overwhelming desire has subsided.  Now I’m just left with simply desiring it, but living fine without it.  So, did I fall off the wagon?  I guess that’s debatable.   

And another thing I have been dwelling on:  F*@k you yahoo!!  Why did that just turn my expletive blue??  Oh well, it gives it a nice emphasis.  I was scanning the useless news on my yahoo to find that whoever "they" are believe that skipping your morning jo will allow you to maintain better energy throughout the day.  I’m sorry, but that is not why I drink coffee.  The nice jolt is a bonus, sure, but the joys of that black beverage extend far past that of a shot of  buzz.  It brings me comfort, it brings a smile of my face.  Just wrapping my fingers around that cardboard cup make the tips of my digits dance.  My whole body tingles upon my first sip as it warms my mouth, my throat, and my stomach.  With a splash of milk (or cream depending on my mood) and a packet of splenda (which may or may not be slowly killing me) is my flavor is choice.  8 ounces is all I need; and I have ditched the peanut butter and ice cream, which comfort nearly the same, and I end up consuming fewer calories.  Morning, noon, night, I don’t care when I get it, but I’m gettin it in one or more of those time frames.  So, yahoo!, kick the "energy zapping" bit, and let me drink me coffee.  It is my only saving grace in this 12 weeks.

Another gripe, screw you oatmeal.  Screw you hard.  I’m throwing that cylinrical tube out the door and buying a box of Kashi cereal and some soy milk.  If I’m going to get my whole grain, high-fiber breakfast in twice a week, damnit I’m going to like it.  And damnit, I’m sticking it at about 12-4 in the afternoon.  Getting that at 6:30 in the morning leaves me feeling like shit all day, so I’m DONE.  I feel better on days when I have a high-protein breakfast and NO oatmeal at all during the day, then on the days that I have it as my first meal.  Besides, protein is really a better way to break my fast and heat up my metabolism, literally.  Sticking that meal in the afternoon seemed to help keep up my energy for my evening shift or night-time socializing.  Which after all, if I am dieting this strictly to get leaner, I need to have the energy to show it off at night.        

Something strange has happened to me.  I feel energetic, my sudden pizza cravings from the "pizza, beer, and phillies" joint down the street have (ALMOST) subsided, and I’m actually getting used to this foreign way of eating.  No buttery toast with my eggs, no eating ice cream straight out of the carton at night.  These bad habits that were standing in my way of a leaner figure have been replaced by pomegranate green tea throughout the day, and casein shakes at night.  Yes, I knew VERY VERY well what I was supposed to be doing.  I knew I needed that slow-digesting protein at night; I just liked to have ice cream to provide that right kind of protein.  I thought I wasn’t doing any harm; and in fact, in any relatively healthy person’s mind it isn’t too bad.  But for a person like me, the bare minimum just isn’t enough, looking like a regular health nut isn’t going to work.  I have to be the extreme.  I will be the extreme. 

It took me 2 weeks and 2 days to finally get the hang of this shit.  I say "shit" because that is how I truly felt about this new venture.  The severe lack of Blue Bunny and 4 pieces of bread in my daily diet had me feeling like I was on a recreational amount of a muscle-relaxer-and-pain-killer cocktail.  But at this point, that initial and overwhelming shock that I put my body through has turned into a superfluous amount of exhuberance toward the simplist task of showering.  Life is grand.  Now, it ain’t all sunshine and rainbows all the time, but my body seems to be liking this clean, raw food thing.  The 2 weeks of prior suffering has made my new-found energy even more of a blessing.  When energy is gone for even a short amount of time, it seems as if I forget what it is like to be able to jog a mile, or walk up a flight of stairs.  All memory is tossed to the wayside.  Before yesterday I was a miserable blob.  A useless member of society.  I am finally feeling human again, and have more empathy for those who do not have the discipline to shed pounds.  It is nothing but a mental, (and at times, a growling gastric) challenge.  You have to really really want it, and I mean REALLY want it to make the right changes…and having the right flavors sure doesn’t hurt.

A can of tuna with celery, ground turkey with tomato and onion, beans, brussel sprouts, and rolled oats.  B-O-R-I-N-G.  I had all the right intentions coming into this challenge.  Chicken breast with broccoli here, salmon with a butternut squash there.  I came from a lifetime of putting cheese and sauces on EVERYTHING.  Name a cheese, and I like it; in fact, I lOVE it.  Well people, there are more flavors in life than creamy, buttery, sharp and mild. I am speaking about the barrage of cheeses that obstruct me from going down the healthier isles every time I step into the grocery store.  I had to change my mind set; I had to offer my palate some variety.  So far, it has liked it.  Cinnamon, chile pepper, garlic, basil (another love affair of mine), thyme (yet another mate to my tongue), and many others separately or mixed together in one explosive medley of flavor!  I am a creative person in many other aspects of my life, why not in the kitchen?  It may not be on the menu of the Paris Bistro or the Metropolitan, but I fancy my mixtures much more than the usual salt, pepper, and butter combination.  For instance:  I had a turkey burger with tomato and onion on my menu.  Intended to be raw.  Instead, I browned the onions, threw in some garlic, chile pepper, and tossed in the tomatoes.  I cooked the ground turkey with some egg whites in bite-sized pieces and threw this homemade sort of salsa concoction on top.  Much better than what I intended on eating before actually tasting that heinous dish.  I tried it once, and it was a HUGE mistake.  In fact, that meal should be a crime.  That is when I discovered the beauty in spices and herbs.  So readers, I have one hint:  BE CREATIVE or FAIL.  I swear to you, if you hate what you are eating, how are you going to maintain sanity for 12 weeks if you are swallowing food whole every 2-3 hours?  Eating is supposed to be pleasurable, not just for survival.  Why else would our bodies secrete the happy:) hormone after eating.  Just like sex, it was created to gratify our ever-starving mind and soul for dopamine.  So, people, don’t deprive yourself, you need to pleasure yourself!!!  And food can be just that ticket when your hand gets too tired:))  If dopamine can trigger addiction, what a better addiction than a clean diet full of tasty herbs and spices?  You make the decision.  I’m going with the basil.  And with the occasional side of cheese.          

Here I am , kicking off the second week of my 12-week diet, and I am motivated as ever.  (I just finished up an intense leg day after half of an Endorush.  So I’m sure that helps with my positivity:))  My clients are on board, I’ve got the support of my parents and my boyfriend, so that alone helps more than anything.  Hopefully, this is a long stretch, but hopefully this will be a wake up call for my boyfriend to start on his path to a healthier lifestyle.  He has been the HARDEST person to EVER come into my life to motivate to have just a simple desire to take care of his body.  Seems like that alone would give me the disadvantage in this little competition, but strangely it gets me to eat even more cleanly, and work out even harder.  I blame that on the arrogant satisfaction I get from being MUCH better than him at something.  Again, there’s that competitive edge that drives me; like I spoke about in my last post.

I’m not going to chart out exactly what I’ve been eating in ANY of these posts.  That is far too tedious of a task than I feel like putting my effort into.  That I can blame on the lack of carbs:)  I was what you could call a physically-dependent carb-a-holic before this point.  Making the switch to a much lower carbohydrate diet was, and still is, one of the hardest adventures I have ever taken.  As a disclaimer, I DO NOT AGREE WITH LOW-CARB DIETS.  I love my brain, I love to write (obviously), and I love my constant creativity in all areas of my life.  My brain needs carbs, plain and simple.  Of course my body needs them, but I am so focused on constantly thinking, and creating that I need my carbs.  I am also super active, and so is my job.  I need to fuel myself.  So, a low-carb is not for me.  Just the right kinds of carbs.  A variety of carbs.  Out with the white bread pizza that will only just drops me in the end!  Ha!  Sounds like my last boyfriend.  So delicious, but only good in small doses.     

With that said, (not the boyfriend comment) this is a LOWER carb diet than what I was doing, not zero or low carb.  I was eating far too many carbs to get to my desired body fat percentage.  I’m still eating oatmeal, I’m eating sweet potatoes, fruit, many vegetables, whole wheat bread, and even chocolate.  I just had to learn the meaning of the age-old phrase "everything in moderation."  I could live and be perfectly happy eating only cereal, bread, and all things starchy and delicious.  Other than the fact that it would keep my weight up higher; it would keep me away from getting other nutrients that I would be depriving myself of.  By only feeding my brain a gratuitous amount of glucose.  And let’s not forget that alcohol is made from grain, and in some cases potatoes.  And I get PLENTY of that.  Too much glucose=fat, to put it simply.  Your body stores what you don’t use.  And I am apparently not using all of my empty-calorie, white bread carbs.  

Vegetables are a carbohydrate.  Packed with fiber.  Fiber is a carbohydrate.  I didn’t really eat vegetables before this.  My mother had to count my green beans to my age as I was growing up…even up to the point I was 20 before I left the house.  I even had the fantastic idea to throw my uneaten vegetables in the pantry "for Alf to eat."  Which ended up quite sour, as my mother had to watch my consumption much more closely after she found the black turds on the floor.

Vegetables.  I think they’re gross.  I think they’re reprehensible.  I think they should be bad for me so I don’t have to eat them.  But alas, they are those must-eat super foods.  Packed with nutrients so densely to the brim that I have NO excuse to not eat them.  I hate every chew, every carress of their green skin across my vegetable-sensitive tongue; but now I switch variety up so much that I have no time to complain.  Plus, the prospect of having a square of 72% cocoa "Dark Chocolate with Deep Forest Mint" reward once a day puts everything into perspective.  Do well, get rewarded.  Who said you couldn’t teach an old dog with VERY bad vegetable habits new tricks.   

Now, let’s prentend, you, the potential reader of this, are a priest.  We are divided by that screen where I confess my most awful of sins.  Got the image in your mind?  Good.  Now, father, I have a confession.  I drank saki on Friday.  I had every intention of stopping that habit for 3 months, but failed in the first week.  I have decided however, not to let this get me down, father.  I was drinking, binge-drinking, 3 days a week.  This is an improvement.  I am taking the "What About Bob" idea of baby steps, and incorporating that into my plan.  I can’t go from black to white.  I’ve got to travel from the black area down the grey path to get to the white.  I’ll make it, but it’s going to take a while.  Believe me, it’s a LONG walk.  So please be patient with me, and realize that I am trying. 

Phew, got it off my chest.  Nobody’s fitness is perfect.  We all need our escapes, our "rock" as one of my trainers said to me today, to keep us sane; to keep us motivated.  Just like with my chocolate, we need to give ourselves a break once in a while.  To have a release without guilt, to excite us for the following day of perfection, and that next cheat day that we have scheduled to come.  Not only is it for our sanity, but the actual shock of this suprising addition, and extra calories kicks our metabolism back into first gear.  So as I’m trying to slow this alcohol consumption down, I am going to keep positive and realize that a couple drinks will not hurt my waistline, my liver, or my journey for a better me.     

Ok, so I am pretty much over being 17.3% body fat (according to both skinfold measurements and the horribly inaccurate Omron).  No person can simply wake up one day and completely renovate their diet without such a stong desire for change that they are willing to sacrifice their social life and usual eating/drinking patterns for this change.  I finally came to this point.  I KNEW I wouldn’t be able to stick to any sort of diet without competition involved.  That’s just the way I am programmed.  I can do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING as long as I have someone to prove something to.  In this case it happens to be several people.  Several people that happen to be paying me. 

I own a personal training gym.  It isn’t your usual place to go work-out.  It is a nearly 4,000 square-foot building filled with beautiful Hammer Strength and Life Fitness equipment.  It has everything that 24-hour fitness, and what all those other awful meat market hell holes have to offer, but without going under the guise of a "gym."  This is actually a iron-clanking, sweat-dripping, no-fuss get-in-and-get-out gym.  Where vibration boards and all those other insults to exercise have NO place.  This is where I get my sweat on, and where I have taken my passion into a money-making realm.  Now, I’m not living on easy street.  The overhead on this place is INCREDIBLE.  But I am the happiest a 24-year old could ever dream of being. 

Now back on track.  I have a large number of clients.  They all are hard core clients when I have them in these walls.  However, when they leave, they seem to discard all I tell them and eat and drink their hard work away.  I do exactly the same thing, so I have absolutely no room to reprimand them or to judge them.  This is when my little competion scheme started brewing.  I want to lean out, I want my clients to get themselves on a lifestyle-changing diet.  How do I do this??  Make it a competition.  Of course I needed to have motivation for the win, so I did just that.  I decided to offer these folks a good-sized gift certificate to the running store down the street from my gym, and give it to the top person who beats ME in percent of body fat lost.  Not lowest percentage in general, just their personal percent loss.  It’s a kind of beat the dealer sort of set up.  If you don’t beat me, you’ve gotta rack up some miles on that treadmill to sweat off that beer you just couldn’t set down! 

Now that I mention beer, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  If you know me AT ALL, it isn’t a secret in the least.  I love partying.  I love alcohol.  I make my work schedule around my social life, and in turn, my drinking life.  Now don’t get this wrong, I look pretty damn good.  Remember?  I own a gym.  I have to look good.  But a girl has got to have a good time.  Even if she does own her own business.  Vodka, yes straight vodka, or straight whiskey is my answer to keeping a thin waistline.  Oh, I love whiskey.  Oh, I love body shots, beer bongs, and giant pizza’s at 2 in the morning.  But damn, do I hate that it keeps me at 17.3% body fat.  So, I am sacrificing my social life, my drinking life, and also my beloved feta cheese.  If I can do it, ANYONE can.  Bring on the competition!  So it is January 5, 2009.  The day the liquor stores saw a massive drop in Absolut and Jimmy Beam sales.  This is the day my life went into a complete upheaval.  Liver, you better thank me.