If not now, then when?

I work in health care, and every day I’m in the hospital I see things that never should have happened…I’m new to it, but I’d estimate that 75% of conditions I’ve seen there could have been prevented.  It’s all about the little everyday choices we make, the results of which accumulate over years and years…I think about these poor people (in particular type two diabetics that haven’t taken/didn’t know how to take good care of themselves) when I need some inspiration to work out or eat right.  I was lucky to grow up in a family that could afford good food and had an interest in nutrition and exercise…not everyone gets a good start and by the time some wake up to the reality of their situation it’s too late.  Before getting into healthcare I had no idea that there are thousands of people who have lost their limbs, mobility and quality of life because of uncontrolled diabetes and a sedentary lifestyle.  I feel sad for them but so very grateful that I can wake up in the morning and get myself out of bed and drive to the gym. I don’t take my ability to use the stairclimber for granted anymore (or to bathe myself, go for a walk, to see clearly, or do any of the things I love to do).  Those of us who are not stuck at home or in a hospital bed because of chronic illness are so "lucky"…but keep working your butts off to keep it that way!

Anyway, I had a particularly draining week and it’s tempting to stay here on the couch and TALK about doing something good for myself…but off to the gym I go.  Time for shoulders….

I decided that in order to stay accountable to my goals that I would take photos of myself and post them on here once a week.  I think it’s going to help get me on track and to stay there, because it is not that pleasant to see absolutely no progress in 7 days.  (Is it possible that my rigorous consumption of chips’n’salsa and intense regimen of ass-sitting isn’t doing the trick?) It’s interesting, though, that while my body doesn’t feel or look that great, I feel pretty awesome today.  I’ve gotten to a point in my life where my physical appearance isn’t the primary determinant of my mood (as it used to be…sad, no?) and that feels good.  That said, I DO want to look better, but since I now lack the single-minded drive to obsess over my body, I am far from looking how I would like!  Surely there is a mental middle ground somewhere that will get me to the gym regularly! 

I have to say, I feel funny about posting photos of myself to be looked at by strangers….even though that is the whole point!  It IS kind of absurd, though, isn’t it…thousands of us–respectable citizens–posting pictures of ourselves in our underwear…LOL!  Got to keep the balance between staying motivated to keep making changes, and to becoming a slave to public opinion…That’s why I disable the comments on my photos. 

Today I was inspired by: the awkward older lady in my dance class who was doing her damndest to learn the choreography.  I’m often most inspired/moved by the people who never get second looks for their appearance or talent, but keep plugging away with determination because of some internal force that presses them on…

I’ve never written a blog before…I guess I’m a private person by nature, so the idea of sharing my thoughts (particularly on the same page as an especially alarming photo of my ass) is a little disturbing.  That said, I want 2009 to be a year of expanding my sense of what’s possible…so here goes.

First off, thanks to everyone here on Bodyspace who shares their experience/struggles/triumphs…I have been particularly inspired by Amy Kessler and other athletic women over 40 who are taking great care of themselves while raising a family.  No small feat!  I personally want to recapture some of the energy I used to have, and to "grow" my self-confidence.  It’s been a rough couple of years, and I could use a boost.

Time for bed…my goal for tomorrow is to make it to the gym.  Posting my "back shot" was a rude awakening

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