However, I had to buy smaller pants. I’ve gone from a size 12 to a size 8 in two months. I believe I’m finally putting on some muscle tone.

Yay!

With the help of my boyfriend, who has turned into my personal trainer, I’ve wandered into the unknown territory that is the free weights room. Unknown and uncharted for me anyways.

I’ve always been terrified of it for two reasons; women are unfortunately a minority in the weight room, and I was convinced that lifting would turn me into a female hulk. However, I have conquered my fear of the free weights and have noticed:

*I get a better workout in less time

*I’m noticing results faster

*I’m toning up places I have never toned before

*Discovering muscles I didn’t even think existed

I’m a believer. Now you can’t get me out of there.

My next project: find leather-free lifting gloves. Preferably pink.

I’ve traded in sweets for ‘green smoothies’, I have a juicer and every morning indulge in 1 bunch of juiced kale, a cucumber, and 3 apples. While it may sound unappealing, it’s actually really refreshing and sweet. I’m finding myself craving them if I don’t get one every day. Salty carbs is still where I have trouble, I usually can’t go a day without some type of empty carbohydrate. However, it’s not impeding my progress.

I’ve started to incorporate more weights into my routine. I was doing cardio like a madwoman, and my progress was slow. My boyfriend did a fair amount of lifting in his life, and told me that the more muscle I create the faster I will burn fat. I told him I didn’t want to bulk up and have the cannons he did, to which he replied low weight, and lots of reps will lean me out without bulking up.

And because he’s a very intelligent man, I’ve been listening to him, and very happy with the results.

I want to wait two more weeks until I take another progress pic. They will be coming, I promise.

Oh yeah, my weight is currently 129lb.

I can’t remember the last time I dropped below 130lb.

Still working out. I had a rest day yesterday, and tonight did 30 minutes on the eliptical and 10 on the stair climber.

Baby steps.

Just delayed.

My eating got out of control, my poor body stretched out and forced to stretch back.

I’m divorced now, it was without a doubt the single most devastating and painful experience in my life.

For the three months I was separated I ate nothing but pop tarts and other assorted junk food. I did nothing, I could barely work and function let alone work out.

It was honestly a struggle to keep myself alive.

I’m glad I did.

My blogs here aren’t usually that personal in nature, however these events have everything to do with where I’m at and where I need to go. I am healing, becoming healthier inside and out.

For the women who read this, please indulge me for a second;

No man is worth your health.

No man is worth your life.

I’m currently at 135lb. My muscle tone is crap. My eating has gotten better. I joined a gym close to my new home, complete with a pool and everything. I have stopped purging, I’m unwilling to participate in actions/thoughts that will destroy me. Bulimia will just kill me faster than all the rest of them.

My goals are to continue eating as many raw, unprocessed, organic foods as possible, be good to myself, and good to my body.

Where my weight and body shape end up is where they end up. As long as I am healthy. Let’s just see where my journey takes me.

Give me a few weeks and I’ll take a new progress pic.

I hope you are all doing well.

I would like to get down to 125, but it’s going to take a while.

I also treated myself to a digital scale with bodyfat percentage. As soon as I figure out how to use the thing I’ll be keeping track of my bodyfat. I tried to get my gym to let me use the calipers so I could see where I was at, but they said I would have to make an appointment with a personal trainer which would cost me about $32 for my first time.

I proceeded to tell them that it was bull poo, and I can spend less than that on a scale that I can use indefinately. So screw you and your calipers Gold’s Gym.

I’m doing well on my eating, I’m not overeating and I’m drinking plenty of water. I actually got a pill box with daily compartments so I can start taking my vitamins on a regular basis. Go me.

I’m going to try to eat about 1200 calories per day. Is this too little? I don’t want to sabotage my metabolism that I’m trying so hard to work on.

It’s amazing, it really helps to keep track of it, it also makes me want to keep going and work hard.

I will eat good all day and treat my body with the care it needs.

Looks like I’m going to have to cut down. *sigh*