dissolved girl’s BodyBlog

New progress pics up.

I haven’t been to the gym in a week.

I’ve been going through some binge cycles again, today I lost all self-control, went to the store, and proceeded to buy every sweet or salty bag of junk food in sight. It’s like being in some type of craze or mania, and then I don’t even have the willpower to wait until I get home to rip the bags open, and start stuffing my face in the car.

For better or for worse, I still didn’t purge. Sometimes I think I should have instead of letting all that crap stick to my arteries, belly, and thighs. I’m still sick. I just want to be normal.

I don’t want to calculate every calorie on my fork, feel guilty for eating even the good things, binge, fast, binge, fast, watch my weight go up and down. I think the guilt and the shame are the worst parts, and the constant comparing of my body to everyone else’s.

I’m obsessed with food. I’m addicted to it. I crave it in greater amounts than my body could ever need. I feel like I have a love affair with food, and I don’t know how to turn an unhealthy compulsion into a more realistic relationship with food as my fuel.

I was thinking about looking into overeaters anonymous. While I’m not sure if my eating disorder fits the criteria for me to be a candidate, I seem to fit the stereotype for a compulsive overeater as described on the website. The only difference is I just puke it up. However, the religious undertone makes me cringe. I can’t seem to find a recovery program that doesn’t require me to ask god for guidance.
I don’t know, what do you think? Anybody have experiences in the program? I would greatly appreciate input.

Almost time for progress pics. I think there will be a difference, albeit small.

I’m down to working out 3 days a week, my class is getting intense and I am in the process of transitioning between jobs. It will get better though, as soon as I start this new job I’ll have hours more condusive to my workout schedule.

Better than nothing though. I don’t want all my hard work to be for nothing.

50 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes arms and abs.

If I can manage to display a little self control and eat better, I think I’ll be seeing results faster. However, despite the fact that I’m eating like crap I still haven’t budged from 142lb because I’m working out so much.

I’ll get better!

I had to take 4 days off of the gym because of school and possibly a new career venture….

Anyways, yesterday was 50 min cardio and 20 minutes arms and abs. Today was only 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of legs and abs.

I’m finally noticing a difference in my body. Slow but sure. It’s stronger, more toned, and all around better looking I think.

I’m trying to find a new bathing suit for my next progress pictures! However, finding a two piece with some underwire support for top-heavy girls is a job in itself.

60 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes of arms and abs.

I’ve also found a killer sunless tanner, it’s called Ocean Potion Ever Glow, and it’s probably the most natural looking one I’ve used yet. I’ve tried coppertone, jergens, neutragena, and banana boat, and all of them make me look too orangy because my skin is so fair.

And it’s so cheap! I got a 20oz bottle for under $5 at walmart.

Woot.

I hour and 10 minutes cardio today. I also did 50 crunches. I am beginning to appreciate the cruel mistress that is the stair climber. I’m incorporating more minutes of it into my cardio routine.

I’m taking a rest day today. I have three days off as of tomorrow (for class) so I’ll rule the gym the rest of the week. My husband says I’ve lost weight, I’m not noticing it as much, but I feel really good and that’s good enough for me.

Just 40 minutes of cardio. That’s all I had time for.

I am proud to say, after weeks of being afraid of the stair climber, I decided to try it out. I did 15 minutes after my 30 minutes on the eliptical, and I don’t think I’ve ever sweated so much in my life.

I am now determined to be able to do the stair climber for 20 minutes in a few weeks.

I also did 20 minutes of arms and abs.

That’s it for today!