dissolved girl’s BodyBlog

I’ve officially broken the 140lb threshold! This morning I weighed in at 138lb.

I would like to get down to 125, but it’s going to take a while.

I’m doing great with my workouts. I’ve gone every day this week, and plan to take Friday off. The hospital I just got a job at has their very own gym that I can use for 40 bucks A YEAR. Now there will be no excuse to workout every day, all I have to do is bring my gym bag to work.

I also treated myself to a digital scale with bodyfat percentage. As soon as I figure out how to use the thing I’ll be keeping track of my bodyfat. I tried to get my gym to let me use the calipers so I could see where I was at, but they said I would have to make an appointment with a personal trainer which would cost me about $32 for my first time.

I proceeded to tell them that it was bull poo, and I can spend less than that on a scale that I can use indefinately. So screw you and your calipers Gold’s Gym.

I’m doing well on my eating, I’m not overeating and I’m drinking plenty of water. I actually got a pill box with daily compartments so I can start taking my vitamins on a regular basis. Go me.

I’m going to try to eat about 1200 calories per day. Is this too little? I don’t want to sabotage my metabolism that I’m trying so hard to work on.

I took my measurements today. While I’ve only lost 10 pounds, I’ve lost inches, especially in my chest. I thought they looked smaller….

It’s amazing, it really helps to keep track of it, it also makes me want to keep going and work hard.

I can totally do this. I will not sleep in too late, I will get up early, and go to the gym.

I will eat good all day and treat my body with the care it needs.

I didn’t realize how many calories were in an avocado. I eat like 3 daily.

Looks like I’m going to have to cut down. *sigh*

New progress pics up.

I haven’t been to the gym in a week.

I’ve been going through some binge cycles again, today I lost all self-control, went to the store, and proceeded to buy every sweet or salty bag of junk food in sight. It’s like being in some type of craze or mania, and then I don’t even have the willpower to wait until I get home to rip the bags open, and start stuffing my face in the car.

For better or for worse, I still didn’t purge. Sometimes I think I should have instead of letting all that crap stick to my arteries, belly, and thighs. I’m still sick. I just want to be normal.

I don’t want to calculate every calorie on my fork, feel guilty for eating even the good things, binge, fast, binge, fast, watch my weight go up and down. I think the guilt and the shame are the worst parts, and the constant comparing of my body to everyone else’s.

I’m obsessed with food. I’m addicted to it. I crave it in greater amounts than my body could ever need. I feel like I have a love affair with food, and I don’t know how to turn an unhealthy compulsion into a more realistic relationship with food as my fuel.

I was thinking about looking into overeaters anonymous. While I’m not sure if my eating disorder fits the criteria for me to be a candidate, I seem to fit the stereotype for a compulsive overeater as described on the website. The only difference is I just puke it up. However, the religious undertone makes me cringe. I can’t seem to find a recovery program that doesn’t require me to ask god for guidance.
I don’t know, what do you think? Anybody have experiences in the program? I would greatly appreciate input.