My advice to you ppl is to NEVER blindly follow your trainer but rather discuss and adjust yourself but also adjust training to suit you better…Trainer is just another person like us, little more skilled and knowledgeable(bur not necessarilly) and they make mistakes too…Not everybody is the same and not everybody responds the same to same diet or type of training…And good trainer should know that without you even asking. Ok, so enough abt that…

Now, abt family thingy…MY KIDS ARE COMING ON DEC 22nd!!!!!!!! I’m so excited I can hardly wait!! Not just that they coming but they staying in Canada for good which means I can see them whenever I please!!! That was SINGLE most important thing in my life that needed to happen to make me happy!!! They mean EVERYTHING to me and I don’t even know how I lasted this long without them!!! They can hardly wait too!! Speaking on the phone all hyper and happy!!! I’m just gonna crush them with hugs and kisses once they walk out of the gate on airport!!!!

I feel my life is back to normal, I think clearly now, I know what I want(and what I don’t want) and am ready to sort things out and move forward with big, yet calculated steps!!!

I learned I need no support in life, all these years I was holding back trying to make it together with someone, waiting for support and help but truth is, it’s in all of us…WE can do it ourselves!! We need noone to make it happen!! Not a friend or a cousin or spouse or partner!!! That only brings complications  into already complicated matter!!! I’m not talking abt love or relationship obviously, but if we sit and wait for someone to give us kickstart we might face old age still sitting and waiting, only this time kickstart might not be possible after all…

I KNOW I can and I will…
There, not a big blog but honest nevertheless…
Be safe and share love!!!Life’s too short!!
Serb

Today, however, I feel down…

Things in my life  didn’t exactly go the way I planned, they went exactly oposite actually, and with the chain of events that took place, I was left emotionaly drained and exausted…I don’t like that feeling, I hate it really…

I wish I could just block out all negative things and focus on good things life brings but it’s hard…I know many of you think of me as a strong person, like unbreachable Stone Fort, standing there polished by wind and rain and attempts to level it but still standing high and proud…And I am that Fort most of the time, but sometimes there are things from inside, not outside that are responsible for colaps…Those things are tricky, they sneak up on us, little by little they dig under our feet, they creep up and make home out of our soul and wait for a monent to strike…It’s a sum of things really, accumulated over years, whole life even…Sometimes we slow down or stop and those things catch up with us and beat us down like hammer…I wont let it happen to me, but it almost did…ALMOST but not quite!!! I’m still strong, I still believe in myself and my abbilities, I believe life is worth fighting for and I believe I CAN!!! I KNOW IT!!

It’s like in bodybuilding, more you tore your body down with exercise, stronger it emerges out of it…Same thing happens in life…More life knock us down and whipe floor with our asses, stronger we bounce back!!! YOU BETTER KNOW IT!! What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger!!!! Except it ACTUALLY might kill you… And then you screwd!!!LOL

I wont come out and say what are things that are troubling me and dragging me towards bottom, those of you who know, you know for a reason and those of you who don’t, well…THere’s reason you don’t… SORRY!!!

I just want you to know I’m gonna be OK…I’m gonna be better than OK!!! I’m gonna be AWESOME!!! Just give me little time!! I need to gain strength and regroup myself in all aspects of life and get a GOOD plan and make it work!!!

IF WE ARE FACING THE RIGHT DIRECTION, ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS KEEP WALKING!!!

That is so true…Following the right path sometimes means we have to do hard things…Make almost imposible decisions…Hurt few souls on the way…But at the end, bigger picture matters…It’s all abt balance…Good and bad…

We just have to believe we can tell one from another…Make right choices!

Having said all this, I’m gonna go now and work on that plan…I’m gona put things to motion that needed to be addressed long time ago yetI failed to do so for God knows what reason…

One door closes but two new open up somewhere and I’m gonna find them…And keep believing in my judgment…Only then I can be at peace with my life…And myself!!

Thank you, my friends, for taking time to read and listen…Please don’t worry about me, I’m gonna be AWESOME!!!!

I love you and am grateful to know such wonderful people!!

Your Mad Serbian Idiot

I honestly can’t wait and only thing that is kinda throwing shade ove the whole thing is amount of travel I’m gonna have to do while doing it…17hr drive/wait/flight/wait/flight/drive to get there…ANother 10 hrs  driving down to a sea coast, then 10 days of heaven, then another 10hrs drive back, then another 17 hrs oversea travel and then flight to Houston from Buffalo and drive back to the Falls…All in 3 weeks…DAMN!! I get sick just thinkin abt it!!!

But I know  it’s worth it and I’m not complaining!!!

Be good and  stay on the top of things while I’m gone and take care of youreslf and each other, will ya??? I’ll be checkin in every now and then!!!!!

Luv ya and miss ya already!!!

Dejan

I was lucky enough to find a special person to share this new life with and  we both were at the point in our lives where it was perfect time to meet! Everything is going amazingly well and I’m not gonna talk more abt that just so I don’t jinx it somehow, but I needed to point it out so I show that in almost all aspects of life I am being more than happy…

ALMOST all aspects…However I have this BIG BLACK cloud over my head… And it’s not going away…nor it will any time soon..

I miss my kids SOOOO FAAKIN much…It got to the point of almost physical pain every time I think of it…And as days go by I find no relief or comfort no matter what I do…I talk to them often but I just miss those little things they do every day, things they say, how they hug me and tell me they love me…It’s breaking my heart in pieces…

I know there’s nothing anyone here can do to help me but I just needed to get this out, it makes me feel better…Or at least I think so…I’m going in August back there for 2 weeks to take them to vacation down to a sea coast and I look forward to it SOOOOO bad…I just wish I could fall asleep with them in my arms just one night…And wake up knowing they with me…All sleepy and cute…And tell them how much I love them and how much they mean to me…And kiss their little sleepy heads and smell their hair…

OK, off I go…Enough of a mushy stuff….

Hope everybody has a nice weekend and keep in touch!!!!

Dejan

I’m not gonna address any things in particular this time, just kinda sort my thoughts over this period of time and let you know where I stand and how my head is…

As you all know I never stopped tracking your profiles, I kept motivating and being motivated…You guys help me stay on track in and out of the gym and bodybuilding in general…

I found some true friends on here, I found endless support(I also tried to not hold back providing one), I found out there’s still good ppl out there, funny, determined, strong, courageous and hardcore…I found out those special ppl are drawn to me as well which tells me that I must not be that bad after all…HAHAAHHA

I also dealt with some HEAVY issues over past year or so…Work, family, Canada, Serbia, Canada again…It sucks when you get into battle you need to fight alone…For sometimes ALONE you stand and there’s no backup, no greater plan, no cavalry coming to the rescue…I decided to do it my way, only way I know…I jumped in life’s face emptyhanded, with opened arms, barechested and angry…Like in front of a speeding train…Or a firing squad…And I let it fire at me with all it’s might!!! And I absorbed it, didn’t try to avoid impact!! Then I striked back…With all I had and after dust settled and all was done I realized I was still standing!!! Somewhat broken, somewhat drained…Robbed of some things but still strong!!! Still proud!!! I know this makes little sense to most of you but trust me if I get into details it’ll take forever…

I’m not sure if that battle was victory or a draw but at the end it doesn’t really matters…What matters is that I didn’t get defeated…And I take pride in that.

And my reward was sudden, unexpected and unreal!!! I gained something Godsent, something I long forgot existed…Something we all strive for but seldom find…I consider myself so lucky, so blessed that I would fight same fight 100 times over if I knew reward would be the same…My life is changing rapidly, I’m working toward speeding up those changes, but it looks like everything is going on all by itself just fine… I think things that happened to me in my life all led to this point…They made me who I am, made me better man…Made me stubborn and determined, made me persuasive. We seldom get a chance to change our life for better in a single swoop and I took mine with force, like drowning man grabs onto a rope…Like Lion grabs on a flesh in dry season when hunger threatens to wear him down…I’m holding on to it with iron grip and am not abt to let it go…This is my time, this is my life and I will claim it and emerge victorious from this war!! YES, war…Battles are won and lost but at the end all it counts is winning the War!! And I intend to…I fought many battles in my life…Figuratively AND for real…I fought many wars…My own and other ppl’s wars…I never WON!!!! This is my war now and I WILL WIN!!! I have to, there’s no other way…But now I got something I never had before….I have my back watched, I have my pool of energy and stamina I can feed off, I have reason to go beyond my human possibilities and I WILL…I don’t stand alone anymore!!!! I have army with me…Strong, wicked army and angel on my shoulder whispering in my ear that I CAN and that I WILL!!!!!! I feel sorry for anybody or anything that might stand in our way for I will crush it with one look…And wont look back for a second!!!!

I finally found what I was looking for all this time…I found myself…Yes, I found MYSELF, but only after I found something else…Someone else…Who helped me realize who I am and what I’m destined to do… I wont say thank you…I wont say much…I will ACT and my actions will be stronger than any words known to man!!!

So….

TO sum this up….

I could have never imagined this site will bring to me what it did…I’m blessed with everybody’s friendship and love and I’m running out of words to describe it…It doesn’t matter, those of you who know me already k now what I mean and I told you million times how much you mean to me…And those who DON’T know me…Sorry, this was not really meant for you to read…Feel free to do it anyway….Maybe you learn something from my experience…Maybe you wish to be my friend…And I will welcome you to this circle…Together we are unbeatable!!!!
I love everybody and am thankful for everything you guys did for me over this time….

No words left…Just big, warm emotional blast radiating away from me, spreading waves to you….

Peace out and keep it real!!!!!!!!!!
Deki

I joined senior group and put wrist weights and we did airplane like circles around the gym….

NAAAAAHHHH!!!! Just kidding…

But I did use EXTREMELY light weights…Somehow word "extremely" and "light weights" doesnt sound right…Anywho…

I used light weights and I did higher number of reps and even that caused me to have muscle soreness next day…Good soreness that is. My injuries stayed untouched, I was carefull through entire workout, did my warmup and progressively increased weight as I went and it felt great…

I think in a month or so I’ll be back to my old, healthy self throwing usuall weights around…

I also dialed in my diet and am doing cardio 4 times per week lightly too…

I DID miss a chance to participate in this upcoming show I hoped to get ready for but there’s always next one, so I dont worry too much!!

I want to thank everybody on here for support and kind words and encouragement through this tough times, thanks for believing in me and keeping me entertained in the long hours of doing nothing, waiting to get better…

You guys mean a lot to me and know I will always be there for you should u need me for anything…Even the smallest little thing!

Ok now,if I have to work with girly weights doesnt mean I should get all mushy on here so I’ll stop right now and man it out!!LMAO

Seriously tho, I love you all and will never forget what u did for me!!!!

D.

And lemme tell you, whatever we may think or how strong we feel, we are still VERY fragile and unprotected as I found out the hard way… I’m not gonna go into details and tell the story…All u need to know is that he was drunk, young, cocky and out of control… Speeding in a school zone and I got hit on pedestrian crossing…With speedbumps and all…

Moment of impact was VERY hard and I flu through the air…But I had plenty of time to think abt stuff as I was airbourne…LOL

Kinda like in the movies, in slow motion almost…I remember clearly the sound of his front hiting me in the back(thank God I heard no cracks, altho I DO have ribs broken) I can clearly remember faces of ppl around me as I was catapulted, jaws droppend, eyes bulging…It’s kinda funny now when I remember that… I even had time to think how I’m gonna land…SHould I fall on my back, or try to get on my feet, or why not land on both elbows…Yeah thats a good idea!!!! It turned out it WASN’T!!!!HAHAAHAHAHHA

But I didn’t have much choice…I was holding something in my arms… And that something was NOT to be damaged…

And so I flew!! And then BAAMMMM!!!! LAnding wasn’t the softest…Crack noise check!!!!! All clear!! Once again I avoided fracture!! Couple of scratch free rolls on the concrete(thank God I had thick leather jacket) and I was safe again… Checked my baggage… No damage..COOL!!!!

Got up, walked to the car and realized airbags deployed on it!!!LMAO I was pretty big target to hit I guess…What brought joy to my soul was a sight of him bleading out of his nose(he hit the airbag on impact) so I grabbed him by neck and pulled him out and make sure that nose blead doesn’t stop anytime soon…Turns out his nose was broken but we’ll never know if it was before or after I landed a few on it!!!HAHAHAAHA

Adrenalin was pumpin’, I felt good and security guys from school had quite a task to wrestle me of that idiot and calm me down… Then I remember my own safety and quickly checked myself for bleading and more fractures…I knew ribs were broken, I had trouble breathing and it happened before…Not a big deal…Couldnt check my back but they were numb anyways… Then I felt it like mountain sitting on the top of me… I just felt drained and weak and were sitting down waiting for the ambulance…They got me to the hospital, did too many check ups(thank God I wasn’t planning on having more kids, after all those x-rays I dont think I can anymore…LMAO), they wrapped my ribs up and sent me home…

Today I feel great!!! I mean, it hurts like HELL!!!! But I feel great to be alive and well!! I feel great that @sshole is in jail!! I feel great I’m gonna be ok in a little bit and visit him in that jail and laugh in his face!! And at his broken nose!!!!

At first I was devastated, I hate feeling weak and injured!! I hated the fact that my competition prep is over…I hated that I have to stop training…That I cant do things I normaly do… It was my son’s Birthday friday and my wifes Bday on thursday…They got a nice present…Alive ME!!!!!!HAHAAHAHA

I know it’s not much but it is to me!!! I like me!!!I couldnt ask for anything more on my B-day!!!LMAO

Can you tell I got too much time on my hands now?? I can move my left leg much more(it was kinda numb from impact for a while) and I can arch my back a little…It doesn’t look pretty but I’m getting better by minute!! At least my spirits are up!! As you can hopefuly see!!

All i wanted to say here(before I went on a writting rampage) was that we don’t know what tomorrow brings…It might be nice , but most likely it wont be so nice after all…So we need to live every day to it’s fullest and enjoy life as much as we can!!! Tell that someone you love them or that other someone you hate them…You might not get another chance!!!

Ah yes!!! And train HARD!!!! Doctor told me that only thanks to my build I got away with almost no injuries…She said most of the time ppl hit like that end up dead or in a wheelchair!! So, if you needed an excuse to get your @ss out of that chair and on treadmill there’s one for ya!!!!

And one last thing…Just in case tomorrow has someting BAD for me…LOL

I LUV YA ALL!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!!!! HAHAAHAHAAHAHA

And lemme tell you, whatever we may think aor how strong we feel, we are still VERY fragile and unprotected as I found out the hard way… I’m not gonna go into details and tell the story…All u need to know is that he was drunk, young, cocky and out of control… Speeding in a school zone and I got hit on pedestrian crossing…With speedbumps and all…

Moment of impact was VERY hard and I flu through the air…But I had plenty of time to think abt stuff as I was airbourne…LOL

Kinda like in the movies, in slow motion almost…I remember clearly the sound of his front hiting me in the back(thank God I heard no cracks, altho I DO have ribs broken) I can clearly remember faces of ppl around me as I was catapulted, jaws droppend, eyes bulging…It’s kinda funny now when I remember that… I even had time to think how I’m gonna land…SHould I fall on my back, or try to get on my feet, or why not land on both elbows…Yeah thats a good idea!!!! It turned out it WASN’T!!!!HAHAAHAHAHHA

But I didn’t have much choice…I was holding something in my arms… And that something was NOT to be damaged…

And so I flew!! And then BAAMMMM!!!! LAnding wasn’t the softest…Crack noise check!!!!! All clear!! Once again I avoided fracture!! Couple of scratch free rolls on the concrete(thank God I had thick leather jacket) and I was safe again… Checked my baggage… No damage..COOL!!!!

Got up, walked to the car and realized airbags deployed on it!!!LMAO I was pretty big target to hit I guess…What brouth joy to my soul was a sight of him bleading out of his nose(he hit the airbag on impact) so I grabbed him by neck and pulled him out and make sure that nose blead doesn’t stop anytime soon…Turns out his nose was broken but we’ll never know if it was before or after I landed a few on it!!!HAHAHAAHA

Adrenalin was pumpin’, I felt good and security guys from school had quite a task to wrestle me of that idiot and calm me down… Then I remember my own safety and quickly checked myself for bleading and more fractures…I knew ribs were broken, I had trouble breathing and it happened before…Not a big deal…Couldnt check my back but they were numb anyways… Then I felt it like mountain sitting on the top of me… I just felt drained and weak and were sitting down waiting for the ambulance…They got me to the hospital, did too many check ups(thank God I wasn’t planning on having more kids, after all those x-rays I dont think I can anymore…LMAO), they wrapped my ribs up and sent me home…

Today I feel great!!! I mean, it hurts like HELL!!!! But I feel great to be alive and well!! I feel great that @sshole is in jail!! I feel great I’m gonna be ok in a little bit and visit him in that jail and laugh in his face!! And at his broken nose!!!!

At first I was devastated, I hate feeling weak and injured!! I hated the fact that my competition prep is over…I hated that I have to stop training…That I cant do things I normaly do… It was my son’s Birthday friday and my wifes Bday on thursday…They got a nice present…Alive ME!!!!!!HAHAAHAHA

I know it’s not much but it is to me!!! I like me!!!I couldnt ask for anything more on my B-day!!!LMAO

Can you tell I got too much time on my hands now?? I can move my left leg much more(it was kinda numb from impact for a while) and I can arch my back a little…It doesn’t look pretty but I’m getting better by minute!! At least my spirits are up!! As you can hopefuly see!!

All i wanted to say here(before I went on a writting rampage) was that we don’t know what tomorrow brings…It might be nice , but it’s most likely it wont be so nice after all…So we need to live every day to it’s fullest and enjoy life as much as we can!!! Tell that someone you love them or that other someone you hate them…You might not get another chance!!!

Ah yes!!! And train HARD!!!! Doctor told me that only thanks to my build I got away with almost no injuries…She said most of the time ppl hit like that end up dead or in a wheelchair!! So, if you needed an excuse to get your @ss out of that chair and on treadmill there’s one for ya!!!!

And one last thing…Just in case tomorrow has someting BAD for me…LOL

I LUV YA ALL!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!!!! HAHAAHAHAAHAHA

like you all know, I moved back to Serbia… I haven’t been here for the longest time (9yrs) and a lot of things changed… Some for better and more for worse…

I am somehow adapting to this way of life, dialling my diet back on track and training vigorously even tho I got SOOOOO much on the go in the past  few weeks it’s borderline madness…

But that’s not what I wanted to talk abt…

What I wanted to say is how funny and great is in gyms here….

On one side we have Superstars(mostly female) dressed up like for a night out(fancy night out) with full makeup and bling, with silicone bursting out of every possible place you can put it in human body(and then some) and bouncing up and down on those cardio machines or flirting with personal trainer(and every one got one) they overpay for just so they can say they have one…It’s like a freak show at it’s best(or worst) and it ruins ones mood for a moment…Then you wander off into a darker side of the gym…Where many dare not go(HAHAHAHA…I watch too much Lord Of The Rings movies…) and you enter a black hole that warps you back into early 90′es…With the sound of Motorhead and Metallica, and clinging iron, you can hear grunting of a men, smell the sweat mixed with chalk and see the dirt on those weights and medieval machinery that still works…You can see creatures walking around in those wide 90’s pants, wearing Otomix deep shoes, and cut out sweats with Gold’s or World’s gym or Pitbull gym logo on them…Logo u can barely see for it’s been washed(or not washed) too many times…Weight are heavy, noise is almost too much to handle, there’s puke buckets for weak next to the power platforms and Arnold and Lou’s pictures on the walls… Weak have nothing to look for in there…Neither do kids… Or Superstars mentioned above… Its HARDCORE, it’s dirty and it stinks but it makes you dig deep inside yourself, let a scream out of your lungs gasping for air and bang those last couple of reps even you didn’t think you can do… I wouldn’t trade it for any fancy, new equipment, YMCA or other gym in the world… We even have a long chin-up bar that’s hanging of the ceiling on chains!! AWESOME!!!!

I’m having best workouts of my life in this place and wish every one of you could feel what I feel when in there…

Most of you know what I’m talking abt and you who don’t like it…Well, it’s ok…It really is!! Not everyone likes same things…But you’re missing out!!! 100%

SO much abt that…

I really miss all of my friends on here and I hope I will be able to write more…

I hope everyone is feeling great and having a blast doing what we doing!!!

Heads up and walk tall!! We ARE making the difference in this world!!!!

Luv ya all and thinking of ya EVERY freakin day!!!!

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