I guess it’s about f’ckin time for me to start bloging again…
I didn’t blog for a looooong ass time…I don’t have a reason for it! Just wasn’t up for it I guess…
I’m not gonna address any things in particular this time, just kinda sort my thoughts over this period of time and let you know where I stand and how my head is…
As you all know I never stopped tracking your profiles, I kept motivating and being motivated…You guys help me stay on track in and out of the gym and bodybuilding in general…
I found some true friends on here, I found endless support(I also tried to not hold back providing one), I found out there’s still good ppl out there, funny, determined, strong, courageous and hardcore…I found out those special ppl are drawn to me as well which tells me that I must not be that bad after all…HAHAAHHA
I also dealt with some HEAVY issues over past year or so…Work, family, Canada, Serbia, Canada again…It sucks when you get into battle you need to fight alone…For sometimes ALONE you stand and there’s no backup, no greater plan, no cavalry coming to the rescue…I decided to do it my way, only way I know…I jumped in life’s face emptyhanded, with opened arms, barechested and angry…Like in front of a speeding train…Or a firing squad…And I let it fire at me with all it’s might!!! And I absorbed it, didn’t try to avoid impact!! Then I striked back…With all I had and after dust settled and all was done I realized I was still standing!!! Somewhat broken, somewhat drained…Robbed of some things but still strong!!! Still proud!!! I know this makes little sense to most of you but trust me if I get into details it’ll take forever…
I’m not sure if that battle was victory or a draw but at the end it doesn’t really matters…What matters is that I didn’t get defeated…And I take pride in that.
And my reward was sudden, unexpected and unreal!!! I gained something Godsent, something I long forgot existed…Something we all strive for but seldom find…I consider myself so lucky, so blessed that I would fight same fight 100 times over if I knew reward would be the same…My life is changing rapidly, I’m working toward speeding up those changes, but it looks like everything is going on all by itself just fine… I think things that happened to me in my life all led to this point…They made me who I am, made me better man…Made me stubborn and determined, made me persuasive. We seldom get a chance to change our life for better in a single swoop and I took mine with force, like drowning man grabs onto a rope…Like Lion grabs on a flesh in dry season when hunger threatens to wear him down…I’m holding on to it with iron grip and am not abt to let it go…This is my time, this is my life and I will claim it and emerge victorious from this war!! YES, war…Battles are won and lost but at the end all it counts is winning the War!! And I intend to…I fought many battles in my life…Figuratively AND for real…I fought many wars…My own and other ppl’s wars…I never WON!!!! This is my war now and I WILL WIN!!! I have to, there’s no other way…But now I got something I never had before….I have my back watched, I have my pool of energy and stamina I can feed off, I have reason to go beyond my human possibilities and I WILL…I don’t stand alone anymore!!!! I have army with me…Strong, wicked army and angel on my shoulder whispering in my ear that I CAN and that I WILL!!!!!! I feel sorry for anybody or anything that might stand in our way for I will crush it with one look…And wont look back for a second!!!!
I finally found what I was looking for all this time…I found myself…Yes, I found MYSELF, but only after I found something else…Someone else…Who helped me realize who I am and what I’m destined to do… I wont say thank you…I wont say much…I will ACT and my actions will be stronger than any words known to man!!!
So….
TO sum this up….
I could have never imagined this site will bring to me what it did…I’m blessed with everybody’s friendship and love and I’m running out of words to describe it…It doesn’t matter, those of you who know me already k now what I mean and I told you million times how much you mean to me…And those who DON’T know me…Sorry, this was not really meant for you to read…Feel free to do it anyway….Maybe you learn something from my experience…Maybe you wish to be my friend…And I will welcome you to this circle…Together we are unbeatable!!!!
I love everybody and am thankful for everything you guys did for me over this time….
No words left…Just big, warm emotional blast radiating away from me, spreading waves to you….
Peace out and keep it real!!!!!!!!!!
Deki
June 10, 2009 at 12:21 pm
oh what a great blog. im sending hugs your way. did you get them? lol. Serb only be yourself. there is nothing else worth being. love your self first. i had do learn to do that and my life is so much better now
June 10, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Hugs and kisses to you, my favorite freak! Everything you say this site and the friends you’ve made have done for you….you better KNOW that you have done the same for me! Your support means the world to me…you’re always pushing me and yelling at me when I need it!!! But the best is how f@cking weird you are LMFAO!!! You can always make me laugh, usually when I have needed it the most.
Damn, look at me getting all mushy
*SMOOCHES*
from your veiny freak!
June 11, 2009 at 4:51 am
BIG SERB, it’s understood and it’s mutual. You are one reliable and trustworthy Serb that I hope to always have in my life! There is just nothing better than being able to say "things" as they are w/o sugar coating. You allways allow me to be real and I Iove that about you. You also kick my ass in gear when I need it "gently" though…just the way I like it LOL…You are the best…hope you know? Sincerely, Your German!
September 4, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Life can be tough, Bring in on!!!! Great blog!