Detours BODY

and will be even tougher to follow through with but I’m going to stop weight training for about 6 months. I feel increasingly more uncomfortable with my current physique, my back broadens in a heart beat and my thighs stay quite bigger than I intend. My problem is even with light weights I punish myself to the point where my volume is still causing hypertrophy. Being a junkie for the burn (even though most days I dread doing the workout!!) I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop altogether. It’s a hard decision, but one I feel that is necessary.

So what will I do? Pure bodyweight resistance, yoga, pilates and gymnastics practice. If I miss it too much I may do they odd full body weights session, but not regularly. I have dropped my protein and my eating frequency will be dropped too. Need to lose the mass and when I am at a more comfortable size I will return back to the iron.

My boyfriend loves me in any state and doesn’t mind the way I’m built, but I am the person who has to walk around everyday like this, in this body. I feel so paranoid about my back, it feels like the width of a barn, my waist is so small in comparison that it highlights it. Plus, my clothes feel hard to get on because of the width of my back…oh the struggle - AND it looks silly having a tight top which sags in the middle because my waist is so narrow!!

So there you have it, it has been a weird journey, but I have decided that I will feel more comfortable being smaller again. Just keep it tight, this experience has taught me that light weight is what I need to do or I will be on stage with Iris Kyle..lol!

I will miss the workouts, knowing that I could once squat over 200lbs for reps was amazing to me and leg press about 5 - 6 plates a side at my strongest. I was doing walking lunges with dumbbells of 20kg in each hand going for 30 reps and supersetting with another exercise etc.. I would do pull overs in the machine and use the whole stack because my back is my strongest, I loved back day. My deadlift was heavier than my squat. The feeling of that kind of strength was second to none, you get caught up in it, but when you’re away from the gym and the big boys, going shopping was hard, I’m not a big size just a bodybuilder shape which a lot of clothes do not do. I know there is no guarantee that the muscle loss will come from back first because that would be too easy, but I feel I have achieved something great in my quest, and am in transition to the next phase. I like standing out in a crowd, but I feel a slightly more mainstream look for me will be nicer for me to maintain, I’ll still have muscle, I am a mesomorph without doubt, but I just want to have a shaved down version of my current status.

It could just be because it is my TOM but I really want to change my shape. I feel I have bodybuilder genetics, I can pick up a weight and my muscles expand like you wouldn’t believe (I mean - more than what I desire..) Especially my back, naturally wide I think and coupled with my strength and love for back training come back day, it grows further more I just want more detail not size.

I have changed my training dramatically to very light weight, higher sets and reps - going for the pump, even eating less protein down to roughly 0.8/lb of body weight and guess what..I’m growing again! My lats, quads (inner and outer) so for those of you who think you can’t grow on light weight and less calories think again! I do know the body responds to change and especially if it’s been on the same routine for a  while, but I change my routine quite regularly. I don’t use any supplements at the moment, not even protein powder - all natural food sources. So I have come to the conclusion that I am just one of those people who can grow muscle no matter how I train, because I tap into the mind muscle connection - once you have that you can achieve amazing things. So I’m chopping down protein because my aim is to lose some muscle and get better balance, I’ll also have to do less exercise to stimulate less muscle fibres and change the angles every other exercise for variety. I know its odd that I want to lose muscle, I’m not that big in the grand scheme of things, I’m 5′8" and a UK size 10, below the national average - which I think is a US size 6. I’d prefer to be a size 8 which I think would make me a US size 4?? But anywho, that is where I’m at. Diet wise I try to get a healthy variety of foods, I’m not caring about being this body fat% or that one simply because I need to just look at myself to know if I’m happy with it or not, and right now I’m OK. Still want to be less but because I’m trying to lose overall size MY focus is just that..overall.

Pictures never show a true representation of how anyone looks unless there are other people in the shot to give an idea in relation. My focus always changes but that is what keeps me active and aiming for something, I know one day I will just want to maintain, but not there yet..