Detours BODY

I had some strange news today. My boyfriend who is also the father of my gorgeous daughter was married before we got together, she died today aged 39. I didn’t meet her but had resentment for her a little because she got to be with him in his prime (20s-30s) I have been with him 4 years this year.

I secretly hated her knowing how badly she treated him and how she lived a life of leisure where he paid for everything. She was insanely jealous even after they divorced. I came on the scene soon after the divorce and was angry that he still let her use his credit card..they had no kids! I resented that she had lots of fun with him for years and had him when he earned the most money.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him regardless but once I was a mum and our daughter was 6 months he was made redundant! Life was not much fun Things started looking up though, he works from home earning 85%of what he was before so we’re ok, my post natal depression is gone and my daughter, well she’s just a doll. I have my ups and downs like everyone else but can’t really complain. I get the phone call on my phone that she’s dead. Inside I was thinking, if this call came a year ago a would’ve been relieved or not cared (maybe?) Instead, I was shocked, more so than my hubby!

She was the kind of person who wanted to be thin but wouldn’t exercise or change her eating habits, instead she had him pay for her liposuction..twice! He paid for her boobs and whatever else! I have nothing against that but at least exhaust the diet and exercise avenue first - that is what made me resent her! But now she really is gone. She wasn’t in our lives after we became parents and he told her not to call us ever again. But a part of me wishes I’d met her face to face. She moved back to Brazil after the divorce and never came back to England.

I envisioned her coming to England to meet up with him, I imagined what I would say to her and how I’d be, but, well she’s gone. I am sorry for her and her family and sorry that I ever had any ill feeling towards her.  39, too young. She lived a life of excess drink and drugs and whether that had anything to do with her passing I don’t know. Hubby always said that he figured he would one day get a phone call that the drink and drugs had taken her life, we got the call..that part is for certain! Now more than ever I want to have a healthy body and mind and be happy because some deaths are preventable!