detour’s BodyBlog

I had some strange news today. My boyfriend who is also the father of my gorgeous daughter was married before we got together, she died today aged 39. I didn’t meet her but had resentment for her a little because she got to be with him in his prime (20s-30s) I have been with him 4 years this year.

I secretly hated her knowing how badly she treated him and how she lived a life of leisure where he paid for everything. She was insanely jealous even after they divorced. I came on the scene soon after the divorce and was angry that he still let her use his credit card..they had no kids! I resented that she had lots of fun with him for years and had him when he earned the most money.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him regardless but once I was a mum and our daughter was 6 months he was made redundant! Life was not much fun Things started looking up though, he works from home earning 85%of what he was before so we’re ok, my post natal depression is gone and my daughter, well she’s just a doll. I have my ups and downs like everyone else but can’t really complain. I get the phone call on my phone that she’s dead. Inside I was thinking, if this call came a year ago a would’ve been relieved or not cared (maybe?) Instead, I was shocked, more so than my hubby!

She was the kind of person who wanted to be thin but wouldn’t exercise or change her eating habits, instead she had him pay for her liposuction..twice! He paid for her boobs and whatever else! I have nothing against that but at least exhaust the diet and exercise avenue first - that is what made me resent her! But now she really is gone. She wasn’t in our lives after we became parents and he told her not to call us ever again. But a part of me wishes I’d met her face to face. She moved back to Brazil after the divorce and never came back to England.

I envisioned her coming to England to meet up with him, I imagined what I would say to her and how I’d be, but, well she’s gone. I am sorry for her and her family and sorry that I ever had any ill feeling towards her.  39, too young. She lived a life of excess drink and drugs and whether that had anything to do with her passing I don’t know. Hubby always said that he figured he would one day get a phone call that the drink and drugs had taken her life, we got the call..that part is for certain! Now more than ever I want to have a healthy body and mind and be happy because some deaths are preventable!

Where to start, well was ill over xmas with chest infection thing and then a couple of days after new years I got a stomach bug. My eating has been sketchy at best and I lost about 4lbs. My training did suffer and I need to be in good shape before the diet phase in a couple of weeks. Today my mood has been real low. I’ve upped my cardio to help with kicking off fat burning and I am getting a bit leaner and I am getting busier with work picking up, so I think it eels like I’m dieting with burning more calories than usual. Whatever my daughter did was getting on my nerves! She was being a lil naughty and normally I just think it’s funny but not today! Maybe it’s just one of those days or something but I don’t like todays mood. I don’t feel like giving up but I can start to see how I’m going to feel when dieting starts. I’ve got a leg session tonight and with my deflated mood I have to really get something special going to push myself. Last week I was struggling to complete 8 reps at 154lbs and that isn’t right, not by a long shot! I know I’ve been ill, and haven’t stuck to my diet of eating as much and stuff but I was so disappointed .. Tonight I want to do a kick ass job, even if it means I need spotters to help me push but I have to do more than last week. I have to be doing close to 200lbs because I know I can, my legs can take it, but I hope my will can. Today has been slumpy and I’m not letting that stop my progress - sometimes I need a little encouragement and I think nows the time.

I have a nasty cold/chest infection. Still trained through it on Monday but it’s a bit of a no brainer to guess that I got worse! Tuesday was bedridden and Wednesday which is usually a day off anyway was spent feeling exhausted. Not much better today but will still go to the gym and do my workouts, just not as intense. I start dieting in January so I feel the need to keep up with things. With Xmas round the corner and the much needed break from measuring food coming along I feel that I need to earn the junk food that awaits! Sounds silly to some but I’ve worked hard and sacrificed a lot of tasty treats to get to this shape and don’t want to undo it all at the christmas table. I know 3 days will not turn me into a block of lard, but it’s more a psychological thing, the mind set. In your head you say.. ok I’ve done it now, might as well carry on ruining my diet… you lose self control and I really don’t want to. Yeah I’m ill but not dead and if I can keep my body moderately active I’ll feel that I have to give it what it needs - the healthful foods that I have been. Oh I’ll relax a little but not so much that I’ll need to lose 10lbs of excess. I’ll be making chocolate pistachio fudge treats for everyone and I plan on eating a few you know quality control’n'all! My priority is to get better and laying in bed all day doesn’t do it for me. I need rest sure but it’s so boring, most days I would welcome the chance to do this but when you’re ill and treated like an invalid you kind of rebel and do the things that you normally do. I shall try to be sensible, can you believe I still woke up to do my cardio?!!! Just 20 mins low intensity to keep myself dialed in. Right, time for meal number two! CIAO

Be taking some photo’s in a couple of hours for my website and I’m super excited but super tired. had a busy week topped off by a long day yesterday. Had to take a trip to Birmingham to see my trainer, I live in London so the trip there took 4 hrs give or take some. That meant waking up extra early to do my workout which was shoulders and triceps and a short cardio session all before my hubby goes to work then I take over looking after my daughter.. get her ready, take her to the childminders..get back home and get ready myself to go up there and see him..(deep breathe in!). It was interesting to have my bodystat done and find out how my training is going. Bad news is my bodyfat % is the same (not really bad news because it’s hardly high and I’m still bulking, but a little loss would’ve been nice!) But the great news is that I gained 7lbs of muscle in 2 months!! 2 months - without gaining any fat! Well I think that’s impressive and he certainly does, it gives the appearance that I’m leaner because the muscle is forming underneath and is giving me more of a shapely body - which is good.. I’ll up my cardio to bring down the bf a lil but I’m not dieting or in the high bf range so I’m not too worried, but SEVEN POUNDS LEAN MASS! THATS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!!

Yes I’m lucky to look like I do after having a baby because it’s just how I am! Yeah right.. I’m bored of hearing that from people! My daughter didn’t fall out of my body and within an instant I had a flat tum and firm body, I breast fed her for 7 months and stayed quite big until I stopped. Was exercising to keep fit, but started busting my ass once I stopped breastfeeding  to get a body I could be proud of. Progress was slow at first but the addition of clean eating and eating the correct amount for my needs saw huge changes.  The amount of women who say "you haven’t had a baby" have to shut their mouths once they see my stretch marks. Oh yes and I’m lucky to get the time to exercise.. yes I am so lucky to get to wake up at 4:30am to do my cardio before she wakes up and then have a day with her, work part time and then go and train in the gym in the evening, come home and cook dinner and try to spend some time with my partner. Yeah real lucky to have to sacrifice sleeping til a decent hour in the morning. Excuse my rant but I’m pissed that some people think that it’s a walk in the park to get my body to this condition and I’m not even where I wanna be yet! Its f…..g hard work, not just the early mornings and late nights, the toddler and work and hubby but the food - not eating all the junk that everyone else does and tries to get you to eat. I don’t get it, they praise you for looking good but when you refuse that glass of wine or that biscuit they try to force it down your throat and say oh go on you’ll burn it off anyway..  How about the notion that not eating that stuff keeps me this way and I don’t wanna have to work even harder than I already do to make sure that the wine and chocolate biscuits don’t show up in places I work so hard on!  Then I get friends who say they train hard but can’t resist that donut so they have it, but complain when the fat stays ..duh! don’t eat that shit!  You want a lean hard body with no lumps and bumps, you complain that having a baby keeps you fat and you want your cake and eat it too.. then stay fat then, simple! I sound angry here, but I work bloody hard because thats what it takes, I accept that I have to sacrifice the junk food and time sitting on my ass or sleeping in my bed if I want to find the time to fit in what I need to do to achieve my goals. there are 24hrs in a day if me a mother can find 2 hrs to train (splitting up cardio and weights) then the average joe can find one hour, don’t care who you are if you really want it you’ll pull the time out. Ok I feel a lil more relaxed now I’ve let that out!

Some of it is mis-education granted, but come on really no time..bollox!

I was in the gym doing delts and tri’s and a guy who I’ve become quite pally with offered to assist and boy did I love it. I never knew that intense training could ..well be intense. I’ve always trained hard (or tried to, to the best of my ability) but having someone push you and talk to you, make you force out reps and tell you the pain is only in your mind etc… I loved it. That is defo what I need to reach my personal goals let alone my competing one. I sooo feel that today alone has shaped me some wicked arms and all I have to do is eat sleep and grow!

I couldn’t get my pixie into the creche on monday or tuesday because of limited spaces so I woke up earlier than usual to do my cardio, came back and had breakfast at around 5:30am, waited for that to settle before I took my new training buddy superpump 250 (love it!) and then hit the gym at around 7am. Monday was legs and tuesday was back. Two days in a row of intense exercise so early in the morning burnt me out. I was so miserable yesterday I just wanted to sleep but my daughter being 18 months just wanted to play! I feel real bad for not playing enough with her but if I can’t get her in the creche then I get no workout for the day so I have to get up extra early to fit it all in so that I can spend the day with her. I overslept this morning because I was soooo tired and didn’t get to do my morning cardio until 7am, it’s normally done between 4:30 and 5:30am! Luckily for me she goes to the childminders on Weds - fridays so I have some time to go to the gym when  I like  (well a 6 hour window of  opportunity). Anywho, I’m really quite achey today and need more sleep and am making a real big effort to make sure I get to bed at a reasonable time tonight which means giving madam a slightly earlier bath and getting dinner going while she’s being washed - thank god for ovens! - And hopefully my belly will be full at a decent hour and I’m not going to bed on a full stomach of food and liquid.. I know I should leave time for food to digest before bedding but who has time for that when you have things up to your armpits to do!  She’s just woken up better go get her and get on with folding the clothes and putting another load on and and and….

Today was leg day at the gym. Tired now, I have to say that I killed it! I did do 187lbs squats at 8 reps 4 sets which isn’t bad, ultimate goal short term is to do 220lbs. Being tall does make the exercise difficult because I have a long way up to push LOL! made the guys scared because I was deadlifting and squating heavier than they do, by far But it’s not a competition, I just wanna bust my arse and get some new lean muscle on it

The single leg leg press was killing me today 154lbs for 12 and I’m sure I did more than that last week, but I did squat more than last week. Tried different leg and foot positions on the leg extensions and ham curls to see how that changes things and I ran outta time to jump on the elliptical for half an hour after the session because I had to pick up my daughter so power walked to the child minder to go get her…better than nothing at all isn’t it. So I’m quite tired, did calves as well so fingers crossed that they grow, oh please pray for them to grow! gotta go and do some tidying whilst my lil lady is asleep.

Laters!

Last weekend my brother noticed that my face looked a bit fuller! I hadn’t noticed and started panicking (a little) that it meant I had starting putting on fat, but my body hasn’t.. My legs have grown a fair bit and my arms are following I’m looking a bit leaner in the body but now I can notice my face is a bit fuller..

3 weeks ago it was looking a bit more angular than it is now and I don’t know for sure what has done it.  I changed my diet to increase proteins and have a moderate to low carb intake. I have been taking extra glutamine and started on creatine in the past 2 weeks. Is it that? I know it can cause bloating, but I feel fine really, it’s just my face that looks not fat or chubby but more filled out in the cheeks, my boyfriend thinks I could be slightly allergic to something and that could’ve caused me to swell up slightly but it’s not hugely noticeable. I just hope it doesn’t get worse as time goes on. Could it be a reaction or the creatine?

This will be week two in my new training split and I have a busy day today as well as leg day! The most feared day, once I’m doing it I’m fine it’s just getting in there and making sure the squat bar doesn’t crush me down..I have to work so hard on my damn legs in these up coming months and though they look ok now they are not in proportion and once I start dieting my legs will be the first to go, so building them up is a must. I’ve got to be like an animal in he gym and just GGGGggrrrrrrr it out! I didn’t eat well over the weekend, late risings meant all my planned meals didn’t work and I ended up missing one or two, I tried t o make it up somehow but once you’ve missed the morning it’s hard to get it all in, I do have other things to do besides eat, but I can see changes so I can’t be doing too badly. Is it just me but does all this eating get on anyones nerves? I feel like each time my boyfriend looks at me I have a folk or spoon in my mouth or I’m downing a shake - relentless! Well, I’m off to lie down for an hour did my cardio and now I wanna go back to bed