darlingjme’s BodyBlog

So here inlies the problem…I know where I came from, and know where I want to go. I now need help knowing how I’m going to get there. I don’t feel like I have a very good support system. I’m 24, so everyone around me just wants to "party" all the damn time. I’m fairly new to this town and can’t find someone to work with me and help me and keep me motivated. I don’t know if I can do this all by myself?
This pic reminds me of how I never felt like I “fit-in” with my friends. I don’t want to feel like that anymore.
When I came back from Europe i weighed 140.

So i ate out two nights in a row and i feel disgusting! I tried to make smart decisions but the nature of each situation was too much pressure. I was on a dinner date on the first one. And we were just talking and eating and drinking margaritas. then the second was a family dinner where my uncle kept hassling me to finish my beer. Ive been doing so good by not consuming alcohol and that was all shot to hell now. UG! How Do you tell the people you around you that you dont want to drink or eat poorly without them hassling you?!?!

So this is the beginning of a very different kind of road for me. Up until now my roads were paved with indecision, lack of accountability, and mediocre drive. I have now found myself on a new path. One of which I carefully choose every brick than is laid, how it is shaped and where this road will lead. I have been given a map of my possible destions and the adventure will be in deciding where I will like to go.

back tracking a bit….I have spent my life, from the point of self-awareness forward, feeling in the shadows of the friends and family around me. I have felt in as if I were the "chubby" friend. The "cute" one, but NEVER, the "hot" one. And the sad part is, I wasted so much time not doing anything it. And continually beating myself up about it.  

So step one was the day I decided to move away from home and shake off all the people that let me get away with my routinely bad deciscions. That brought me here, to Boulder, CO, where being healthy, smart, informed, thoughtful and full of thought, eco-friendly, etc…is encouraged and second nature.

So I began to educate myself. I am reading about Kinesology, nutrition, etc. And realized that I have been doing everything ass-backwards. And I am in the very beginning stages of putting the cart back behind they horse.

So I have overcome the very first of my largest deamons, cigarettes. Somewhere during my senior year of college during the peak of being utterly stressed out I had convinced myself that they were okay. And woke up one morning about two months ago to seing a "smoker" in the mirror. I hated it. So I stopped. I had no idea that I was addicted until I tried to stop. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was the first of what will be many hard things I plan to overcome.

It is getting late so I am going to continue more later…

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