danipat’s BodyBlog

Shoot son, probably one of the best movies I have ever seen. It was beyond amazing, beyond evil, absolutely sick! I was feeling scared/laughing/wtf through out the entire movie. The second scene totally drew me right it, and had me on the edge untill the very end. Heath Ledger’s performance was absolutely incredible, he was dark, and almost loveable. It was so sad to watch such a stellar performance from him.

So what does this have to do with my training. Maybe everything, maybe nothing. But life is fragile, its crazy, and sometimes its amazing. So you do what you can with and you try to regret nothing. Push yourself, you will never regret that, become something you never thought possible. Your body is your temple its true, its the only thing in this world that is truly yours, and only yours. So I choose not to sit around anymore, or "pretend" to go to the gym and do 20 mins of the elliptical. Thats why I started lifting, thats why I wake up every morning and leave my sleeping bf in my cozy bed to sweat, to run, lift, to burn. I don’t want to regret this life, I don’t want to regret this body. Its the one thing I have. Its silly to think, but movies like batman, or bond or whatever that crazy dark action really put me in the mood to work out and push my physical limits. That mindset is amazing, its like getting lost in a song, or a phenomonal book where people push their limits it just makes you want to get out there and do something. Ha ha it sounds silly, but I just love that stuff it gets me going. I know I’ll never fall off the roof of a building and have batman catch me and fly me to safety so I daydream, and I visualize that sort of intensity when I lift or run. So what, its my little secret, I’m a nerd.

So this week has been awesome, I have eaten clean as a whistle (although I ate the same thing 5 days). At least it was good and clean, time for a change though. Its so hard to feed just one person, you have to halve or quarter all your recipes and you end up eating the same dinner all week so nothing goes to waste. If i did cook for say two though I doubt they would want to eat the same thing as me. I have turned some meat eaters into vegetarian sausage lovers. Tasty business there. So clean eating week ya da ya da, the plan is to keep it up through the weekend and drinking tons of water as usual. Then measure in with my trainer, gulp. I feel like getting through a week totally clean is a huge accomplishment for me. Eating is what is getting me down lately.

Beyond the food, I’ve been really consisten with my work-outs. This week though I’ve gotten the best burn ever. First it was my biceps, a little in the delts. The end of the week I feel it in my inner thighs, glutes, and hams. Thank god, because it always feels like I only get a burn in my calves or quads. My body really loves traveling lunges bosu squats, and plyo squats. Does it ever feel good too! That little soreness gives you so much motivation, to keep it going, and never stop. Whoever you are, beginner to the most advanced bodybuilder you can still push yourself, there is no limit to what your body can become. That sweet burn just reminds you why you are putting forth all this effort.

So i measure in with my trainer next week, and I’m nervous. I feel so much stronger, its jus that my eating hasn’t been right. I find I am either really obsessive or really lax. Plus this past month has been nothing but vacation, picnics, my birthday. It makes me sick haha. I find that all the people that have been telling me I need to eat eat eat are getting to me. And I’m eating occasional crap which leads to loads of crap. I still see results, but not at the rate I want. I should be a lot leaner I think right now. So maybe I could stop saying I want to eat cleaner, and just do it completely. I eat so healthy, I just let the crap pushers get me down once in a while and I feel like my whole day, even week is ruined.

Besides my problem with staying clean, I love my trainer. She has def kicked it up for me, and I’m sweating up a storm. Heavier weight shorter reps. I feel myself getting so much stronger. We pyramided the other day and it was crazy hard. I feel it today in my biceps and I love it, my legs are a little sore too and its been awhile since I really felt a good burn.

So I love being healthy don’t get me wrong. I love getting enough sleep, eating a gazillion fruits, vegtables, lean protiens. I love hitting the gym. The way you feel at the end of the day when you passed on all the crap people were trying to shove down your throat. But… here it is sunday at 822 and I have to work in a few hours, and I think I might still be drunk. Maybe just a little bit. I’m no alcoholic and I by no means have a problem (well according to the people that classify things I probably am one because I surpass my drinks per week Quota). I drink once a week, once every few weeks, or once per month depending on my work schedule, family obligations, boyfriends plans etc. But when I drink, I drink, and I have a damn good time, and I’m damn good at drinking. I mean, I’m pretty social as is but throw a couple shots in me and I’ll go talk to anyone, because I just love people, and I love talking. Last weekend I blacked out for sure because I don’t remember the end of the night at all, this weekend I kept it together but I still got completely tore up, danced my ass off and befriended half my city.

Why do I do this all the time haha. Why am I sitting here writting this at such an early hour. Why is the sky blue? Why does donald trump wear such a hidious toupee? I drink so much everytime I go out. I can go out and have one or two and still have a few drinks but thats only occasional, very occasional. Its like once you pop you can’t stop. I start off the night with one innocent looking drink, then just one shot, and before you know it I have half the bar singing to neil diamond and doing a conga line, and four to five new bestest friends in the whole word. So my question is do you guys drink too? And if so how much, how often, and are you a party animal like me. I love my fun outlook on life and would never change it, but should I put the shot down and order a seltzer or something?

Well I’m almost finishing up two weeks with my trainer. We meet twice a week, mon & wed, and a lift alone on friday with her little guidance sheet beside me. Shes so awesome and I really love her, except I think we end up chatting too much. I try to not be a chatty cathy until I’m done with my set but its hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Since I have always trained alone its has only ever been me and my Ipod and occasionally some dude I need to ask to take off his thousand pound weights. I hope she doesn’t think I’m moody or sassy if I quit the chit chat.

Aside from that we have been doing full body workouts which is a nice change for me. Usually some sort of circuit, not much rest, and its really got me sweating up a storm. She has me doing higher reps, lower weight stuff so far to start. I would like to go a little heavier, but I’m not sure how to bring it up. With that in mind I don’t know if I could finish a circuit three times with heavier weight, but you never know until you try right?

 One last thing is the eating plan I’m on is 60% carbs. I know some people do well with a higher carb program, but its leaving me hungry at the end of the night and craving junk food. So I have totally cheated more than once a week lately. Plus it was my birthday and every one and their brother brought me a darn cake, or my weakness CUPCAKES. They are just so cute I want to eat them up! I feel like I should have made more progress in two weeks. I feel stronger, but I can’t lie I haven’t gotten on the scale. I know, I know if your clothes fit and you look good thats all that matters. I really need to figure out a meal plan that doesn’t leave me looking to binge at the end of the night on crap. At least looking at the scale might scare me into cleaner eating. Any good suggestions, and I would love you forever.

I had a revelation today when I was working out at my gym (Planet Fitness). I coulnd’t get a bench, I couldn’t get a squat rack, and it was elbow to elbow in there. There was a highschool reunion of guys chatting on the benches and staring at their muscles. This vision of crap was driving me up the wall, and not pushing me towards my goals. So if I can’t get to the gym because life is getting in my way, and the next day I am there but I can’t get to a bench because some group of dudes are having a tea party how the heck am I going to get cut up.

So I drove to the nearest Golds haha which is right by my house and decided that money was not going to hold me back this time. I was there for almost an hour discussing my concerns, and what I wanted out of my body, and from my gym. I walked out of there with 20 hours of personal training and a new gym membership. I’m feeling guilty for how much money I just spent, but this is my priority and what I have always wanted. I love lifting but I need guidance, I love eating healthy but I need ideas. Apparently I’m meeting Diana tomorrow at 9 in the shiner, she is supposed to be a hot grandma who is a 3rd degree black belt and she just ran the boston marathon. I’m hoping she will kick my ass. I am moving in 8 weeks somewhere in the area but I haven’t a clue where. So this next 8 weeks are going to  be killer getting those 20 hours in. I can’t wait. I’ve always wanted a personal trainer and it sounds like this broad is exactly wait I need to jumpstart my goals.

So I’m straight chillin’ in my room yesterday tidying up and putting away clothes and such when my roommate walks in to chat. So, here we are talking about life and things that matter when she sits down at my computer and sees my bodyspace and an article I was looking at. Ha Ha, so I just wait to see what she is going to have to say. She tells me god your obsessed and also that I’m going to turn into a  beast! Mind you she has had a huge problem with me dropping some weight. Whats new, so has the whole world. Why my losing weight and getting into shape has any effect on any other person in the world boggles my mind. She prefers me to stay locked in my room if she has company over, so bazaar. I came out a few weeks ago to take my dog to the park in a pair of jean shorts and she (no kidding) almost had a heart attack, and flipped out on me. You can’t make this crap up, haha. So back to my story about me being a beast, she then proceeds to go through my entire history for the next 90 minutes. I’m obsessed with clothes, I can’t tell a lie. Me the self proclaimed tree hugger who wants to save the planet can’t get enough pairs of designer jeans. So my history always consists of crap like the weather, the news, vickies, ten thousand clothing boutiques and of course bodybuilding.com, womens health mag, muscle and fitness hers, you know normal stuff. And she thinks I’m the only person in the world like this. Its so weird that I want to have an awesome body and wear adorable clothing at the same time.

 Then, on a walk a little later with our pooches she tells me that she is AFRAID of me, and would never want to anger me or get in a fight because she thinks I might beat her up, and throw her across the room. So because I started lifting again now I’m going to just go around beating people up in my seven jeans and four inch heels. Are you kidding me? So let me get this straight, within  the last few months of bettering my body and mind, I have now become skinny, sickly, awful to look at, a BEAST, and now I go around beating people up. O yeah and I need to hide in my room so no one can see me.

Ha Ha people are so crazy, It just keeps me laughing and laughing that my progress is ruining so many lives. It gives me more motivation to get my body tighter, and just keep pissing people off. Who knows maybe some day I’ll even throw some one across the room after all I am on the path to become the incredible hulk. I love muscle. I think its beautiful and sexy on both men and women.

 P.S. My rooms has been on weight watchers with no results for a few months, and recently I found a 5 lb bucket o’ protien of hers in our pantry. I guess I’m not that crazy or weird after all. I wish she would come lift with me though. We could throw people around together.

Becoming vegetarian (well pescetarian) has made my life simpler. Now my coworkers and friends can judge me in two different ways, 1. I don’t eat meat anymore which is an American travesty. I should be locked up for not eating a pound of bacon on sunday mornings with my hashbrowns and cheese loaded omlette. 2. I eat clean which means I no longer want Wendys, McDonalds or greesy Italian takeout. God forbid I enjoy fresh fish, veggies, and tofu. God forbid I don’t want to eat a loaf of italian bread and a bucket of country crock with you.

So yesterday I tell my friend at work I’m not feeling well, so I’m going to go take my dinner. Good she says snarling you need to eat. She doesn’t say whats wrong D why are you under the weather, or sure go take a break, she tells me I need to eat. Apparently eating fresh fruits and vegtables and whole grains are not considered eating anymore. Thats not food y’all. Thats horrible stuff you shouldn’t get into. Today she sits at the nurses station eating 2 junior bacon cheeseburgers and fries as her snack and stares at me and judges me because I don’t want it. You will want it when you are pregnant she told me. OK, but I’m not pregnant and I don’t want your greesy crap on a bun.

Its funny because I’m not judging her as she sits there, I just don’t want her food. End of story. She has back problems, horrible kyphosis of her spine, sciatica, migraines, smokes, you name it, bowel problems. So she sees her doc and buys a temperpedic mattress. Shes in her early thirties. Maybe the reason I’m not interested in your burger is because I don’t want your health problems at 33. Everyone needs to give it a rest, Its getting old. I look healthy, not scary skinny, not even skinny at all.

Well as annoying as this all can be, I know I pulled myself out of my cozy bed and lifted for an hour this morning, then did 20 minutes of HIIT. I also know that I hung a pull up bar in my bedroom doorway and I can actually do chins now, 5 of the them haha. So While I’m turning myself into a little GI jane I can just think of everyone else around me eating JBCs and telling me that I look awful because I no longer eat bacon.

Wow, ever had one of those days where all you do is make mistakes. I feel like everything I touch goes wrong. And I work in an ER haha making mistakes is not an option. Luckily my mistakes aren’t life threatening, don’t worry people. Well its my weekend off (I work every other) and all I wanted to do was going hiking with my pooch, hug some trees and be one with the earth like I do. But the weather is going to be cold and miserable and wet. My luck I’d get caught in some kind of landslide and go missing for 10 years. I also haven’t worked out in 2 days because my legs are in searing pain. Too many sqauts this week. The inability to walk doesn’t make my job any better either . Any hoo I’m hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling like a million bucks! I want to do some nice LSD runs this weekend. Long Slow Distance is what my track couch in hs called them. I’m not a druggie. Training for a possible marathon in the fall and trying to get in as many runs as I can ’till then. Peace out peeps.

So I was 136 pounds over the winter. My weights always up and down, this time it was up. I work in a hospital and all people do is eat and then think about what they are going to eat next. Someone gets takeout every night, we have to celebrate everyones birthday, 3rd childs first communion, you name it with cake, pizza, chips, dip, soda, and icecream. After two years of this no wonder I had put on so much chub. Why do people have to celebrate with food, burry their sorrows with food, and guilt other people into eating it too. Not only am I wasting my hard earned money and takeout, and tip, but I’m eating when I’m not hungry just because someone asked me too.

 So after turning vegetarian this winter it was easier for me to say no. And the extra weight just started to come off. I got interested in eating clean, and I’ve been running up a storm. Recently I started to add weights again and I feel like a million bucks.

But every single person in my flipping hospital feels the need to tell me I’m losing weight. Duh I know, my pants fit again, I needed it. They tell my every day I need to eat a steak, everday that I look too skinny. And feel the need to ask me how much weight I have lost in front of 20 people, patients doctors, nurses. No one has any respect for me, they say it with this huge scowl on their face and shake their heads.

 Yesterday I had a PA ask me again how much weight I lost, then proceeded to tell me that I look emaciated, my face looks withdrawn, and I look just and she paused AWFUL. I could have bitten her head off. All these people are over weight, all they do is sit around, eat, and drink soda. The most exercise they get is walking to a patients room.

 Why do people feel the need to tell me these things!!! I’m not anorexic, and they ask me this and I feel like being NO you jerks I was back in highschool and then in college I’ve spent so much time not eating but now I’m eating 5-6 times a day, veggies, fruits, tons of protien, whole grains. I’m lifting weights, I’m running. I feel the best I have in 3 years. I love looking in the mirror to see the changes I’ve made. I look great. I have a lot of work to go, but I’m loving ever little improvement I make. And for the first time, I feel so good about my body. I’m not there yet but hell I’m already happy with the progress I’ve made. I’ve not starving myself. I’m spending an hour everyday getting my meals packed and prepared, healthy, nutrient filled meals, I’m working out. I’m getting my body and my life back. I’m only 23 I want to feel like a million dollars. Not CHUBBY and LAZY.