um ya…no more
TGIF….I am not sure by writing this if anyone is going to read it, but I have more I need to get out. Remember that party I went to ? The one with the Hottie and the Chub Chub? Well I was out tonight and I check my iPhone and what could be worse than trying to get ready to go out tonight and not being able to fit in any of my clothes? A picture of me on FACEBOOK from over the weekend. Not only is it a horrible picture, and the worst possible angle. Ok seriously, could I have been anymore just disgusted with myself. Not only that, it’s a picture of me eating at this party. It was like seeing a before picture from a weight watchers commercial. I am beyond just grossed out. Im sorry if this seems harsh and "negative self talk" but again, I am trying to use this blog as a way of getting out my feelings. Too many times do I hold my feelings down and worse stuff them down with food. My boyfriend is so loving and looks at me with love and affection. He really thinks I am beautiful just the way I am. Um ya, ok, if you had asked me a few hours ago if I believed him, I would have answered you and say, "some of the time". Some of the time I believe that when he looks at me and sees nothing but beauty. But after seeing this picture there is no way I believe him. I think he needs his eyes checked. He has to be disgusted. He has to want to run.
I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I am here today. I have a closet full of clothes and nothing fits. And I tell you, I refuse to go out and buy anything bigger. I will not do it.
Ok enough, I am going to bed and I will get up early tomorrow and start my AM cardio.
thanks for listening.
jlo
July 10, 2009 at 11:19 am
We all fall down, but we MUST get back up! You know you can do it, so n ow…. DO IT!!!
July 14, 2009 at 9:25 am
It’s possible that your boyfriend loves you and just sees the best in you.
We all have times when we slip and fall down. The fight isn’t over until you stop getting back up.
July 14, 2009 at 10:08 am
Your boyfriend sometimes sees you in goofy or disgusting poses, just as you see him that way sometimes. I mean, come on, nobody looks like a hottie 24 hours a day. Not Julia, Denzel, Brad, Angie, none of them.
But it doesn’t mean his base thoughts when he looks at you aren’t, "The twinkle in her eyes when she smiles makes me warm" or "the way her hips curve into her thighs and the way her thighs curve is so sexy…"
Straight up, though, you do have to do what you need to do to feel honestly better about yourself and maintain good personal energy — mental and physical. And, you can do it. You’ve done it before. You need to do it again.
Because, sooner or later, if you keep feeling disgusted with yourself, your boyfriend won’t be disgusted with you, but he won’t feel as attracted and it might not have that much to do with how he sees your body — but with how you see your body, yourself, your life, etc.
July 22, 2009 at 11:30 pm
You can do eet!
July 30, 2009 at 3:27 pm
You know something about clothes that don’t fit? They’re clothes that will fit later on!
I have this one dress skirt that I bought at the end of last year that I haven’t officially worn out yet. I see it as a way of motivating me to get off my butt and go do some squats.
Pick a dress that you know will absolutely look great on you and hang it somewhere where you can see it everyday. Tell yourself that at the end of a certain month, you’ll look hot and sexy in it when you go out to dinner with your significant other.
July 30, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I just went out and bought myself a size 10 pair of pants a week or so ago, for inspiration. Then today I saw the cutest pair of size 6 pants on sale, they were just adorable. Now I am currently a size 14-16 (down from an unmentionable number), but I WILL get down to a 6 this year! It is all in the mind. If you fall down at one meal or one party.. pick yourself up and dust yourself off for the very next meal/snack time. Dont wait for the special date or special magic time to hop back into it. Get back in immediatly
August 6, 2009 at 3:55 pm
i hope you are up and running and have not given up or in! you got it in you girl! go with it!