Happy Thursday y’all…Summer is here and I am loving it.
It’s been a long time since I have written from the deep, so excuse the stream of conciousness…as I have said in the past, BodyspaceLand is the best place for just getting things off your chest, and there is always someone out there who gets it too.
Today is day #1 of getting back on track. With the help of KL Texas and 31233, I have all the tools I need to get my diet and workouts dialed in for major fat burning. Tclary is my mind/body coach. What more of a team can a girl ask for. I am so ready to get my furnace going again. I woke up this morning and prepared my meals for the day packed a cooler and my gallon of water….dang, I went through a whole lb and a half of lean ground turkey, a package of veggies, 1 cup of brown rice and a whole wheat tortilla. I managed to get a nasty carb cutting headache around 1pm and was dying for some sugar. I had a scoop of protein and a tablespoon of instant coffee and an apple and wouldn’t you know the headache went away. I also made sure to keep drinking my water with a little extend in it.
For dinner I watched my boyfriend microwave a pizza as I sauteed some more chicken and mushrooms. He has been the biggest obstacle for me and my progress…I cannot blame him. It’s not like he stood there with a slice of pizza or a bag of doritos and said if you dont eat it we are done…No, I actually have used him as an excuse, a get of jail (or cardio/eating clean in this case) free card. We have gone through football season and basketball season. Eating lbs of carne asada, scoops of ice cream packages of cookies, gallons of milk, bags of doritos…ok you get the picture. The problem is, I CAN’T eat that stuff. And the truth of the matter is neither can he. And no, I know what you are thinking, does he have a weight problem? No on the contrary, he has a great body and metabolism and doesn’t worry about what he eats. But I have to. I have to eat what is on my meal plan and can have a cheat meal once and a while. Not everyday. I must pick me over the cakes and the burgers…They will be there. I am not going to miss out if I don’t eat them. I can so do this. I don’t have to eat what he eats. I just have to stay present and focused on what I came here to do. The motivation and drive is slowly creeping back to the forefront of my mind. I can do this, its in me, I can do it.
I tried on bathing suits tonight…um ya, I think I’m gonna wear a one piece this weekend. Its funny, the negative thoughts of "I’m fat, I’m hideous" are being replaced with thoughts of "hmm, ok, we have fallen back a few steps, it’s ok, but we have lots of work to do" or "well, this just means we have more cardio to do to use up this stored energy" and my favorite…"ok Jill, the bulking phase of this journey is over, time to start cutting"
I ran into another couple over the weekend and they were a lot like us. He was a very good looking guy and she was overweight. A classic case of The Hottie and the Chub Chub as I like to call it. They seemed very happy and he caressed her arm and showed her a lot of affection. He finds her beautiful. My boyfriend is also very affectionate and loving. I made a decision that day. For me it’s not ok to be the Hottie and the Chub Chub. I am not happy with that. "My therapist has always said, Jill if you can be happy being overweight, I’d be the first to tell you, NEVER diet again, but you aren’t, so do something about it and get happy"
So wrap this up, I finally have what I want. The man I have been praying for. So what is the deal Jill….enough with this protective suit of armor. Its time to live and shed this skin that is not us. It’s time to finish what we have started and grow and learn and help others along the way.
I will get to my goal, I will compete and I will become a trainer and help others with the same trials and tribulations that I go through. The battle never ends its how you deal that makes all the difference.
Peace out!
Jill
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