Im allowed to be scared for 5 seconds….
This week has to have been one of the worst by far. I will not bore anyone with details, and I’m sure in comparison to others, my week has been a cake walk. But for me, this has been a bad week. Now that I got that out of the way, here is my thinking. A good friend of mine told me a story about being scared and feeling the fear for 5 seconds, once those 5 seconds are up I face the fear and move on. Well here goes, I have had my 5 seconds, and its time to continue my focus and move. Enough of letting the fear paralyze me. Enough of sitting in the stillness with blank thoughts, like a deer caught in headlights. Its time to take action and take risks. If I have to renew this promise to myself everyday, 10 times a day so be it. My goal, my hard work and my reward for my hard work, are on the horizon, and I will not lose sight of it. If it means, I have to shut myself off to the world, and plunge myself into a selfish state so be it. If there is one thing that has swirled around in my head for the last 9 months, its Selfish is not a bad word. As long as no one gets hurt, being selfish is a good thing. It means you can be self sufficient, independent and self reliant. This is something I have to work on everyday. I have to come to terms that I am not defined by my job, my relationships or my surroundings. I am me and I’m all I got. At the end of the day its just Jill. As much as it hurts, the feelings that I feel, the emotions that I have. They are mine and mine alone. I have to feel them, deal with them, work with them and most importantly, use them to propel me to be the best Jill I can be.
October 9, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I enjoyed reading your blog very much! You showed a human side of you that very few will allow anyone to see. Your not afraid apparently to acknowledge that we all have weaknesses and also strengths. And once we set our priorities in order…we move on. You’ve re-established your goals and plan on moving forward…without compromising who you are and the values that you know to be true pertaining especially to yourself! Your just Jill..that;s as it should be!
Annemarie
October 9, 2008 at 1:17 pm
are you in my head?…everything you said is pretty much the tape i’ve been running in my mind lately and it’s nice to be able to hear it from someone else…if being selfish means making yourself the strongest, best person you can be without relying on anyone else, then so be it! At the end of the day we only have ourselves…good luck w/training and have a great week!
October 9, 2008 at 3:16 pm
This friend of yours is brilliant. And you, young lady, are heroic.
October 10, 2008 at 5:42 am
"We lift ourselves by our thought. We climb upon our vision of ourselves. If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge your thought of it and of yourself. Hold the ideal of yourself as you long to be, always everywhere." - Orison Swett Marden
Keep thinking of all you want to be. Be selfish and keep your eyes on the you that you want to be.
October 13, 2008 at 9:39 pm
So true.. I am feeling the exact same.. I wrote about being selfish in my blog today too!
October 22, 2008 at 9:22 pm
That is the attitude of a warrior and a winner girl. Keep it up!