This week has to have been one of the worst by far. I will not bore anyone with details, and I’m sure in comparison to others, my week has been a cake walk. But for me, this has been a bad week. Now that I got that out of the way, here is my thinking. A good friend of mine told me a story about being scared and feeling the fear for 5 seconds, once those 5 seconds are up I face the fear and move on. Well here goes, I have had my 5 seconds, and its time to continue my focus and move. Enough of letting the fear paralyze me. Enough of sitting in the stillness with blank thoughts, like a deer caught in headlights. Its time to take action and take risks. If I have to renew this promise to myself everyday, 10 times a day so be it. My goal, my hard work and my reward for my hard work, are on the horizon, and I will not lose sight of it. If it means, I have to shut myself off to the world, and plunge myself into a selfish state so be it. If there is one thing that has swirled around in my head for the last 9 months, its Selfish is not a bad word. As long as no one gets hurt, being selfish is a good thing. It means you can be self sufficient, independent and self reliant. This is something I have to work on everyday. I have to come to terms that I am not defined by my job, my relationships or my surroundings. I am me and I’m all I got. At the end of the day its just Jill. As much as it hurts, the feelings that I feel, the emotions that I have. They are mine and mine alone. I have to feel them, deal with them, work with them and most importantly, use them to propel me to be the best Jill I can be.
View all comments | Leave Comment