csiems’s BodyBlog

Ok, seriously - I can remember as far back as freshman year in high school, and I was still dealing with the same thing!  Eating habbits - lack of good ones, and lack of self control!  15 years of this bullshit!  Very frustrated with myself.  I want to be able to be happy in my own skin.  I want to develop daily habbits and routines I don’t stray from.  I want to be boring and predictable in my eating.  My workouts - I’ve been going through the motions, but not going all out.  I put some heart into it on Monday, and can’t wait to get back tomorrow.  Seriously, I am 28.  I have dealt with the same problem for 15 years.  I am too smart and experienced for this.  I know the answer, I just need to do it. 

I know that you shouldn’t compare your current weight with that of when you were in high school - but it’s hard not too.  Why is that number on the scale so controlling.  Logically I know its not important - but it still seems to matter to me anyways. 

Why is it so hard to get back on the band wagon you’ve fallen off? I was doing so well with eating. I was actually proud of myself! Then I fell off for a weekend…which has turned into two weeks! I am so mad and frusterated at myself. I was at a body fat I was feeling better about. Two weeks can do a tremendous amount of damage to gains made. I have stocked my fridge with healthy foods, and packed my meals for tomorrow. Please wish me luck, cuz I will probably need it!  I logically know once you fall off that its hard to get back - its just like missing a couple workouts.  Consistancy, consistancy, consistance!

Ok, I have to rant.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have been sick off and on since November 4th.  I have seen two doctors, both of which said that is typical of having a small child.  Been there, done that the past three years - this is different.  Why is my child well, and my husband well, when in the past we were all sick together?  I was sent in for testing, only because they were humoring me.  I was passed off like I didn’t know what I was talking about.

So, last night I went in to have my body fat checked (16.7% - yeah!!!).  But, the personal trainer advised me not to lose anymore because it would compromise my immune system.  After I told him my story, he agreed that is why I have been sick so much.  Why could a personal trainer who only has to study 3 months to pass a test tell me why I’m sick all the time, but two doctors who studies 8 years + couldn’t?  This sort of thing infuriates me.  We put our trust and health into the hands of doctors, and half the time we are dismissed with our concerns.  I went though a similar thing with my son when he was a new born.  It took 4 doctor visits over the course of 6 months to tell us he had exzema.  It’s not like that is a rare thing in young children.  They should have been able to diagnose this on the first visit! 

Anyways, I just had to get that off my chest.  Thanks for reading!

Day two.  I survived!  Cals: 1454, Fat: 35.8, Sugars: 28.02, Protien: 141.26.  Still have cravings, but I just go to Chickentuna’s profile when I need to find some will power.  33 days left to hopefully notice a difference from eating clean.

So, for the first time, I saw a slight bit of definition in my tricep.  I’ve never seen this before.  So, either progress is slowly being made, or my brain is so toxin deprived that Im hallucinating!  At this point, I don’t really care which.  Just glad to see something.

Ok, I was soo excited to go and workout today.  I had an absolutely amazing leg workout planned that was sure to cause soreness the next day.  But, I woke up to dicover that I was sick…again!  I went ahead and taught two yoga classs, and stayed in attempt to workout.  But, my heart and body just weren’t into it.  I have literally been sick off and on since November 4th!  WTF?  I’ll be sick fo 3-4 days, then recovering for 3-4 days, then sick with something completely different.  This is so fustrating!  I have been taking a multi, and vitamin C.  Any suggestions?  I hate not being able to do what I want - Grrr!

Ok, no excuses.  Ate completely horrible tonight!   The worst thing is that a few days of hard work seems to completely go out the window in one sitting.  Ouch!  Biggest obstacle to overcome is not becoming discouraged.  Tomorrow is a new day, with a new beginning.  Keeping positive happy thoughts….butterflies and puppydogs!  Just kidding.  But, I CAN DO IT!  Need to think of it as a challenge at the gym and kick my eating habbits ASS!!!

Holidays are such a hard time to dramatically change eating habits!  I have yet to eat cleanor one entire day!!!  Im not too discouraged.  My slip ups haven’t been horrible.  But still, I would really like to make it one entire day!  I am thinking that will have to happen the day after Christmas.  New Years Eve I am in a lingerie fashion show at a huge party…. if that’s not motivation to eat good, I don’t know what is!!!  Definately have to hit the gym hard this next week.

Ok, so I have been eating dramatically better.  Not perfect, but definately a huge improvement over my daily fat and sugar loaded coffee.  So, with only three days into this, I feel better.  I feel like I can already feel results and see them too!  I am convinced that the reality of this is too far fetched, so I think the lack of sugar and fat is creating hallucinations in my mind!  Just kidding…..sort of!

Day two of eating clean - so far, so good.  I have had a couple of slip ups, but nothing huge.  Day one I absolutely hated eatingplain oatmeal!  Tastes like wallpaper paste!  But, I have created a concoction to where I actually crave it.  Its a wonder what a handful of raspberries can do!  The only thing I am seriously craving is Scooters Coffee!  20 ounce white chocolate mocha expresso smootie with a shot of raspberry - no shipped cream.  Hmmm… 600 calorie drink?  I have read in the past several articles on good nutrition - it just wasn’t until recently that the lightbulb came on, and I finally get it!  No more sugar!  This hurts, since sugar has been a staple of my diet for years!