IVE FALLEN (AGAIN) & I CANT GET UP!
This feels like a continuance to my "sabotage" blog. I was supposed to have met my goal on 2/18/08. I was so close, but I felt like I failed because I was 3pounds heavier than my goal weight & my waist was not at my goal either. So what did I do? What I always do give up & BINGE! For the last 3 weeks since then I have not been going to the gym, have been eating WHATEVER I want, as much as I want, and I dont feel good. I have been using food as a distresser, friend, lover, companion, comforter, you name it, food has the answer. But it doesnt! I have been under alot of stress lately, changing careers, moving, watching my ex move on with his life & new baby while Im still single (by choice, but still, my ego hurts), it seems like my world is inside out & so Ive been using food to deal with all of it. I know this is self destructive, I seem to have relapsed & reverted to my old habits (which have been self destructive, compulsive, addictive & full of shame). Addictions run in my family (although Ive never done any "drugs", my drugs of choice have been (bad) men & (bad or too much) food. Now Ive gotten rid of the bad men but how do I get rid of the compulsion of using food for comfort?! Just like a drug, it gives me the sense of comfort but it does not make me feel good & then I feel bad for overeating/eating crap & I eat more to numb those feelings by eating more & the cycle continues! So here I am today, watching all you disciplined beautiful people transform before my very eyes & here I am sabotaging me & my self worth. The more I eat, the further my dreams fade into oblivion. It makes me sad because I know I can do it, I have made progress, but when I dont get perfection I feel like I failed, I give up, procrastinate on my goals, then relapse to old habits. HELP, I feel defeated, yet Im the only one standing in my own way. 
March 5, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Hey Chica.
I have felt feelings so similiar to what you wrote in your post - you’re not alone. There are a lot of people who struggle with using food as an emotional outlet! So I’m going to be a bit ‘tough’ right now, okay? Are you ready? 
Decide to make a change. Make a plan. Start with one step, and move to the next once you feel successful. No more making yourself feel guilty about the past - it’s done with.
Calculate how much cals you should be taking in. Log it online so you can be accountable for it.
YOU can do this! Believe in yourself and you will get so much farther than you think!
March 5, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Damn bella, this is crazy, you can’t let the pass bring you down like that, after you put in so much work. get your self strong and move on. You have everything going positve in your direction, new job, new place, now you use that on your work out, if your ex is happy, you do the same, You a strong woman and smart woman you know better. so get your self together and starting eating right and commited to improove your body the way you want it to look….
March 5, 2008 at 4:24 pm
You and I sound so much alike it hurts. Not succeeding and just totally giving up for a few weeks then realizing hey what am I doing? Hang in there 1 day at a time…Vinny
March 5, 2008 at 4:30 pm
We’ve all gone through it. You haven’t failed. You may have been short 3lbs of your goal but you need to see it in the positive instead. Hey I lost this many pounds!! Life is about ups and downs. When your feeling down only you can make it posititve. Think about the things that make you happy. Don’t dwell on what you can’t fix or change. Move on. They say the best revenge is living well! Stay strong because tomorrow is another day.
March 6, 2008 at 3:45 am
"Never to suffer would never to have been blessed."
Edgar Allen Poe
We fall not to just pick ourselves up, but to be stronger for the next time. At times we only see our faults and we become or own worst critics preventing us from reaching our full potential. This is when when we need to reach deeper inside ourselves and see that beneth the stone is marble. And only through perserverance can we reach self-actualization.
December 3, 2008 at 2:19 am
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