My Journey of Change

….but it sure tastes yummy.  (Sorry Al–1961 - hang in there…5 more days to go!!)

So I decided to not go heavy or light, but sort of in between.  And I gotta tell ya, I feel pretty darn good right now.  I can feel that my back is tired and sort of has that buzzy feeling in it.    I also went a bit heavy for my last set of bicep curls today too.  Pop!

Anyways, something interesting I noted was that I didn’t take my pre-workout Vapor stuff, and I don’t feel all sketchy now after my workout.  I’ll still continue to use it until it’s gone (I spent $$ on the damn stuff!), but I don’t think I’ll be buying it again.  It gives me a headache…

DAMN! I FEEL GOOD!

Shall I have a heavy day (low reps) or stay on my higher rep, lighter weight routine?  Decisions, decisions…

Why is it so hard to lose fat?  I had a look at my progress in terms of %age of body fat, and I’ve gone from 30% to 28.1%.  That’s almost a 2% loss.  I started at 230.  So that would mean I loss 4.6 lbs of body fat.  Yet, I’m 222 this morning.  So yeah, loss of muscle mass…    Should I just forego the trying to gain and cut at the same time and just focus on one?

If so, then I’d have to change my workout.  I’m currently doing 15 reps per exercise…I could go down to 6-8 and try to put on mass.  But then what’s the best way to eat?  Like a horse?  I mean, you’re working hard enough at the gym as it is!  But then you’re putting on fat.

Granted, the whole time wasn’t super careful eating, and I did regress some, but seriously?  I think I train pretty hard (4-5 days a week) and I think I’m eating well, but I’m just a little concerned the fat isn’t coming off as fast or as easily as I would like it to.  There’s so much conficting evidence out there about how to do it, which pills to take, how many times you should be going to the bathroom (ok, this is a stretch, but I bet if you looked hard enough, you’d find an article that says that…), that it gets super overwhelming.  I also don’t have disposable income for a personal trainer or nutritionist. 

It’s all so very frustrating…almost to the point of being a little despondent over it…

Bah!

I guess, along with the weights, this is how I feel towards working out.  Yesterday’s workout was hard - I didn’t feel like doing it.  I think perhaps because of the weekend.  We have company visiting, and all sorts of bad food is making it’s way into the house.  Funny how food really affects your mood like that. 

I decided to switch it up and start with back, as I consider my back the weakest point of me overall.  Today is chest and all the fun bits, so I’m looking forward to today’s workout.

So today was my 2nd day in my new workout regiment.  Legs/back/biceps.  Now, before going into this, I knew it was going to be tough, but I didn’t realize how tough.  I’m full on wiped right now.  Until a few minutes ago I didn’t feel like I had a good workout, but after uploading my workout and seeing the amount of volume I moved, it’s no wonder i’m tired.  This was the most effort I’ve put into a workout this far.  Yay me I guess.  Still, parts of my workout bug me.

I have a weak back.  I can’t do a pullup.    I want to do a pullup…eventually lots of pullups.  As I started with legs, by the time I got halfway through my back workout, I just couldn’t do it anymore.  Never mind legs, I could barely manage 2 sets for biceps.  I think I’ll do back first, then biceps, then finish with legs.  I find with legs I can close my eyes and concentrate better anyways. 

Ooh…the barbell deadlift on my workout.  It wasn’t really a barbell deadlift as I couldn’t really grab a barbell and start lifting - it was kind of busy today.  What they do have is this Hammer Strengh Squat Lunge machine.  It was a little wierd getting used to, but I think I can make it work.  Originally I wasn’t sure it was for deadlifts - it kinda looked like it was…but I figured it out.  Have to be careful with that exercise though, as I can easily see one blowing out ones’ back.

So I’ve put some of the weight back on, and I haven’t exactly been going at it as strong or as hard as I should have been.  What can I say?  Life was in a fairly major state of flux.  I guess it always is and the trick is to figure out how to keep things constant during the flux time…interesting thought…

Anyways, I’ve decided to switch it up.  I’ve reposted some of my goals - now I’m aiming for a weekly weight goal.  This week - lose 3 pounds by next Monday.  I’ve also redesigned my workout.  2 day split designed as follows:

Day 1:  Chest/Shoulder/Tris/Abs

1. Smith Bench Press
2. Incline dumbbell press
3. Chest flies
4. Lat raise
5. Reversy Fly
6. Skullcrushers/dips (possibly superset)
7. Crunch

Day 2:  Legs/Back/Bis/Abs (or good lord, what are you thinking? day)

1. Smith Squat
2. Deadlift
3. Lunges
4. Assisted chin ups (till I can do them on my own)
5. Rows
6. Preacher curl
7. Leg raise/Obliques

Yeah, that 2nd day is gonna be a bitch.  I’ve done split routines before, and got good results from them.  I took some ideas from a book I had lying around the house - Modern Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding by Arnold Schwarzenegger (that’s hard to spell!).

Well see how it goes…stay tuned!

I think I like making it harder on myself.  Or I enjoy self-sabotage.  Or I don’t really care about my goals and want to stay as I look.  I think I’m feeling a tad down about my "weigh in" this morning.  In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t posted any body updates or pictures in a few weeks.  I guess it’s because I’m ashamed of "falling off the bandwagon" for 2 weeks after my daughter was born (I ate like I was a bear prepping for winter hibernation and did not work out…once…not even for a run) and gained back some of the pudge. 

Pudge…good word.

Anyways, at the beginning of the week, I feel quite motivated to "keep it clean" for the week but by the time the first few days float by, I end up cracking and tarnish the week.  Then, I decide "Well, I’ve already messed up this week, so why not just take the plunge?" and continue the downward spiral.  This week was by no means that - but that’s exactly what Tuesday was, when I had to come to work late because of a dentist appointment, end up picking up McDs on the way in, then KFC afterwards on the way home - topped off by DQ for a late night snack.  Now, I didn’t carry this into the next day, but it does highlight something in me:

I’m an emotional eater.

Whenever my life gets even slightly out of balance, I just kind of wing it and I end up consuming bad things or doing bad things to my body.  Not like I used to years ago, but food wise and exercise wise.  Tonight is the hockey game.  We have friends coming over for drinks and food.  Not the best food, and alcohol certainly isn’t the best choice of beverage - but it’s game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals.  And it’s summery out.  (Excuses, excuses, …)  What ever happened to the "no alcohol until I get down to 200 lbs. rule?  Guess I chucked that out the window too.

You know….I think next week I’ll eat clean…yeah…next week will be good….  *insert eyebrow raising skepticism here*