My Journey of Change

Ok, so if you know me, you know that I’m trying to cut the fat.  You might also know that I have a tendency to lose focus, over eat, and end up self sabotaging my goals.  Well, after weighing in at a phenominal 221-ish last Friday, I figured I deserved a bit of a break and thought, "I’ll have a bit of a cheat day on Friday".

It lasted till Sunday.

Ugh….so disappointed in myself.  Now I’m right back up close to where I started and have to work down again.  Maybe "cheat days" shouldn’t be allowed when trying to cut fat.  I always considered cheat days a good way to trick your body into thinking that higher calories were gonna go in, so rev up the metabolism to get ready to burn all those extra calories the next day when in fact you have a defecit so end up losing more fat kind of thing.  Of course, if it lasts a whole weekend…that’s a different story…

So, back in the saddle….again….for the bazzilionth time…I don’t expect this to be the last time I fall out either….

I think I like making it harder on myself.  Or I enjoy self-sabotage.  Or I don’t really care about my goals and want to stay as I look.  I think I’m feeling a tad down about my "weigh in" this morning.  In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t posted any body updates or pictures in a few weeks.  I guess it’s because I’m ashamed of "falling off the bandwagon" for 2 weeks after my daughter was born (I ate like I was a bear prepping for winter hibernation and did not work out…once…not even for a run) and gained back some of the pudge. 

Pudge…good word.

Anyways, at the beginning of the week, I feel quite motivated to "keep it clean" for the week but by the time the first few days float by, I end up cracking and tarnish the week.  Then, I decide "Well, I’ve already messed up this week, so why not just take the plunge?" and continue the downward spiral.  This week was by no means that - but that’s exactly what Tuesday was, when I had to come to work late because of a dentist appointment, end up picking up McDs on the way in, then KFC afterwards on the way home - topped off by DQ for a late night snack.  Now, I didn’t carry this into the next day, but it does highlight something in me:

I’m an emotional eater.

Whenever my life gets even slightly out of balance, I just kind of wing it and I end up consuming bad things or doing bad things to my body.  Not like I used to years ago, but food wise and exercise wise.  Tonight is the hockey game.  We have friends coming over for drinks and food.  Not the best food, and alcohol certainly isn’t the best choice of beverage - but it’s game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals.  And it’s summery out.  (Excuses, excuses, …)  What ever happened to the "no alcohol until I get down to 200 lbs. rule?  Guess I chucked that out the window too.

You know….I think next week I’ll eat clean…yeah…next week will be good….  *insert eyebrow raising skepticism here*

If you read my blog on an even slightly semi-regular basis, or you know me, or both, you’ll know that I get hungry at night.  Hungry for evil things.  Evil, sweet things.  Evil, sweet, yummy, tasty, deli… wait, I’m getting off topic.  (Pause to wipe drool) Evil things…yes…

I think I found an awesome snack tonight.  Oatmeal.  Yes, oatmeal.  I added in a small amount of brown sugar and a bit of protein powder, mixed in some skim milk and that is the awesome snack.  Gets me full and sweet and satisfies the craving.  Fantabulastic.  I just wonder if that’s ok to eat as my final meal of the day before I set in for blissful slumber. 

Other sweet, low fat, low cal ideas I found while perusing the food place is:

• Jello
• Pudding
• Frozen yogurt
• Popcorn

Ok, that last one isn’t sweet, but depending on the mood, it’ll still satisfy the craving.  If anybody else has great high protein, low fat, medium to low calorie snacks out there, please share!

On to another topic:  I feel like this ride is at the top of the roller coaster and I’m about to plunge down.  This is because either tomorrow or Sunday we will be welcoming our third baby to our family.  I’m not sure having a new baby around will make it easy to get in regular workouts.  As I usually hit the gym at lunch while I’m at work - and since I’m going to be home for the next 2 weeks - that’ll also be a challenge.  Now before you say "Well, just hop in the car and drive down!" it’s a half hour drive - one way - so I’ll be gone for 2 hours just to get in a workout.  You try convincing my wife to let me get away for that amount of time.

I’m thinking that during the next 2 weeks I will run as often as possible (i.e. daily).  I do have some dumbbells upstairs, but we’ll see how that works out.  Basically, I’m thinking of taking a break from the weights, focus on cardio and try to seriously frag some fat.  When I get back to work, switch up the workout and target different muscle groups.  It will also give me 2 weeks to work out that new workout plan.

New stats and pictures comin’ down this weekend…stay tuned…

So, due to family/work commitments, I wasn’t able to hit up the gym today.  (Hello 9 hour workday!)  Anyways, after taking the kids to soccer tonight, I came home and did another run.  Same route.  Today it was 7:50:62. 

7:50:62!!!  And that was WITH a 30 second "walk-break".

That brings a good light to the gloomy day I was feeling today.  I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere with my weight loss.  I felt like I still eat too much;  and that I don’t know what I’m doing in trying to both build muscle and cut fat at the same time.  All this stems from weighing myself and finding that I’m not really making gains.  Of course, I don’t expect to see gains on a daily basis, but it does put me off.  I’ll be pretty disppointed if Sunday (weigh-in day) rolls around and I haven’t really lost anything.  Actually…not pretty disappointed….quite disappointed and very discouraged.  I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

If baby doesn’t come tonight, I’ll hit up the gym tomrrow at lunch.  Prolly be the last full, decent, gym workout I’ll get in before baby.  I’m thinking after that brief break/time out to welcome baby I will switch up my workout and move to the next level.  I don’t know if I’ll do a split yet or not, or if I’ll just change up the muscles I’m targeting (i.e. incline bench rather than flat).  Maybe when I’m off, I’ll continue my daily runs - to continue cutting the fat, but not necessarily the bulking.

One nice thing - my wife mentioned she would consider starting to do meal plans.  I think this could help better track what I eat (and help the wallet too!).  I’m so lucky to have a woman who supports me as much as she does.  Thanks hon!  (I know you read this!)

Damn good healthy food sure is boring.  It just sucks.  Can you tell I’m hungry?

So here is the result of today’s "weigh in". 

Gained 1.8 lbs overall.  Further breaking things down, it turns out I’ve actually gained  1.4 lbs of that was fat gain…according to my calculations.  How utterly disappointing.  I didn’t think I would gain pounds last week, as I was working hard and (mostly) carefully watching what I was eating.  I guess I’ll have to be even stricter.  Here’s where I think I went wrong:

Monday - went to Boston Pizza:  Even though I ate from the healthy menu, I think I ate too much.

Tuesday - fish sticks.  It was the trianglely battered kind.  I found out afterwards it was 11g of fat per stick.  I thought it was healthier than that.  Course, that was 5.5 fish sticks ago…man was I hungry that night.

Thursday - Dairy Queen.  Nuff said.  And, I did order a small, but they messed up and gave me a medium.  I still ate all of it.

Saturday - steak.  Lots of steak.  Defninitely overate at dinner and again during my last snack at night.

Hmph…no wonder…

Aim for following week:  No cheating.  Course, if baby comes this week, that’ll be even tougher…

Even after all that eating last night, I woke up RAVENOUSLY hungry this morning.  To the point of pain in my stomach.  Whee!

Ok, so today’s workout was over 12 hours ago, but I still wanted to post on it.  I started my glutamine last night, right before bed.  I’ve decided to take it immediaty post workout and at bed.  Possibly pre-workout too.

So, this morning, I rolled out to the gym at around 8ish, and I took my naNO Vapor before driving out there.  I think it helped a little, as I was able to squeeze out a few more reps with each exercise and/or go to heavier weight.  The downfall was that I was REALLY tired when I left.  I felt like sleeping on the drive home…course, I would have ended up in the ditch, as I was the one driving.

Anyways, I read some reviews last night that there was a bit of a crash afterwards, and I did end up having a great nap this afternoon for about an hour.  I hope that doesn’t happen all the time or work is going to be hellish in the afternoon.

I ate quite a bit today too.  I was going well until supper, but then I had a massive steak (not too bad - but we went to friends’ for dinner and she made good steak - besides, it’s protein, right?)  Then tonight, I had some black forest cake (small piece), 5 doritos, cholocate milk (I love that stuff), and some cottage cheese.  A little overboard, and I’m thinking I may weigh in a little heavier than I want to tomorrow morning, but I guess we’ll see…

Yes, super cheezy joke.  Get over it.

So, after 2 days off from my regular gym goings-to, I went back today.  (Off due to family commitments)  I think not getting enough rest at night affected today’s workout. 

See, I’ve been staying up - not exorbitantly late - but late enough - to play video games at home until around 11 at night.  This means I’m getting roughly 7 hours of sleep a night.  Max.  I don’t feel tired during the day going about my regular business, but as you can see from today’s workout, my reps were less, my volume was less, and I just didn’t feel like it was a great workout.  Double the fact that I don’t think I’ve eaten enough food yesterday, cross the ts, dot the i-s and you have one - not so invigorating workout.  Joy. 

Supplement sale this weekend.  Gonna look to get me some goods - maybe some glutamine - possibly creatine.  Any other suggestions? 

Anyways, I gotta get back to work and drinking my water.

Oh, special shout out to someone livin’ in L. who reads this on a daily basis and has been waiting for an update.  You know who you are…

I just want to eat non-stop! 

My Friday workout has once again been postponed due to baby related activities.  My wife is having acupuncture done this afternoon, which meant I had to leave work early, and hence worked through lunch.  This upheaval really messes with my eating plan, as I came home and mowed on some junk.  As I have to get the kids out of the house, I’m going out to a restaurant to eat.  I hope I can avoid all the yummy tasty bad things that are on their menus…

Geez…even as I write this, I salivate at the idea of fries and greasy burgers….then again….greasy does sound gross.  And I know I’ll regret it later.

Gym tomorrow morning…if all goes as planned.

So, after a weekend of mild gluttony (white rice - but I hate wasting food, so I ate it) I decided to try to find out how much of what I should be eating.  I looked over the Nutrient Rations and Caloric Needs calculator, and based on my input, I got the following results:

• 3686 calories
• 205g Protein
• 61g Fat
• 578g Carbs

Holy freakin’ crap!

Those numbers seem way high to me.  To be honest, if I sat down for a bit, I would probably see that I eat around 4000 calories a day (why else would I be overweight?), but how the hell am I supposed to get 205g of protein in?  I have tuna, chicken breast, eggs, protein powder, cottage cheese, milk, beans, cheese (although it is fattier)…  Am I destined to only eat this food?  How the hell?

I guess if those are the numbers, then those are the numbers, and I’ll try to figure it out…but to reiterate:

Holy freakin’ crap!