on the verge...

of tears...I have been hitting it hard now for 26 days and the scale hasn't budged one bit...now im making maddd changes in the inches department I guess...I mean my clothes r fitting vastly different but shyte im tired...im doing two-a-days...fasted cardio in the a.m. and lifting 4x a week...im on a 40 day cycle...today is day 26...anyway can a chica please see an ab or mayb a bit less cottage cheese on my thighs or how about this...rather than seeing everything wrong I see what's right...life wise im in the midst of a lot of turmoil personally so the gym has been one saving grace...the gym...bodyspace & facebook...im just tired & mayb even pmsing a bit...im just gonna get my visor put my head down & grind it out...im not giving up this time I shall not b broken...I gotta remember to eat...I owe that to myself...I gotta remember to take my supps no matter how much I hate popping pills of ANY sort even those that r for my own good...I gotta remember to drink ALL my water...64oz is just not ok...and I gotta remember to buy some damn socks...its too cold here to not wear any like I prefer to do...being healthy is a choice & I kno for certain breaking & remolding the body I created out of pure laziness is truly one of the hardest things I have ever aspired to do...I guess that's y its taken this long to really get it done...I don't believe I have ever b4 now really believed it was possible even tho I was moving maddd wgt and even training for marathons...it just never seemed real...seemed like mine...seemed like me...(sigh)

u kno I could go on & on but im gonna end it here...I apologize for any typos as im typing this on my fone...yes I said my fone...when somethings on the mind they say its best to get it out (lol)

o man I forgot to even tell the tru purpose of this blog...its like a thank u to a chic @ my gym...hyde park ballys sport club...well I sat in the car for like 10 minutes trying to decide what I was gonna do. the gym closes @ 8 and it was 635...o AND I was tired as hell...anyway...I convinced myself with the help of a little natasha bedingfield that I would do a bit of cardio on the bike since I was sitting the parking lot...got inside and commenced to pedaling on the bike was like o this isn't so bad...was even contenplating hitting thre row machine for 10 minutes when I was done...and then she walked in...now this babe is just a regular babe...she wears a tonf layers like myself...from the old school of keeping it all covered so folks never really kno what ur working with...but she is truly a lifter...she lifts with this dude usually and long of the short they make power moves...they remind me of when I used to lift in indianapolis with my homeboys Gene & Jacquez & Syd..back when I used to make it my bidnez to front squat all the way in the hole & had a tru reason to use my inzer knee wraps when I was leg pressing or dead lifting...long of the short I truly respect this babe & she just reminded me that what I have done BEFORE is what got me here & kept me here which aint soooo bad but I wanna go to the next level I wanna b better than I am right now...so chica with the hat & the braided ponytail & all the damn layers of gear...good looking out girlfriend...I truly appreciate what ya do...and if u ever need a good foot in ya back im ur girl...one good show of love deserves another =)

peace & b well...

well went to the dr yesterday..diagnosis: torn cartildge (sp?) in my right knee...additinonal commentary was no squats no leg extensions (he actually said "that is a useless exercise if i ever saw one...its not like its a natural movement";) no lunges...no cardio at high incline....no stair guantlet...no no no....and im sitting here with this stupid brace on my leg waiting for my mri next week, and physical therapy to start on friday in the mean time...o and guess what else...1)i found out the scale i have at home is some tru blu bullshyte (weighed myself at the drs office and was totally blown away....and not in a good way)...and 2) some of u may not understand my pain, but i found glory greens use bacon grease as an ingredient...BACON grease....fyi i dont eat pork so it was truly devistating to find out one of my main fun healthy foods is garbage!!!! so yesterday was like a tru blow to the spirit...so today im limpin around like what do i do now...

i truly do wanna frapaccino from starbucks...but thats just simple abuse...nevermind undermining to all the hard work i have done so far...although righ about now im like uhm "i have been working hard righ???" then y did the scale at the drs office have to b so mean to me (lol) i kno i kno...inches, how u feel, blah blah blah...damnit i just thought i didnt have as much work ahead of me...i thought i had made major moves and was uhm how do u say...GEEKED!!!!

so now what???

well im fasting today...rather than eat garbage or eat healthy im just not eating or drinking...and o by the way im PMSing...so im not as high spirited as i would usually b...im hoping that clarity will come with the fast b/c right about now ur girl is straight bummed....and do u kno that doc was like u may lift heavy wgts but those exercises dont truly help in the long run...do u kno that micki ficki insulted my gym principalities with that comment...there is no movement in the gym that is ever not helpful in the long run as long as its done right...and the worse part is this dude is one of the ortho docs for the white sox...i was like no wonder we lost in the playoffs last yr


ok im stank im truly stank b/c ...b/c....just b/c

catch ya later folks



by the way, i had an awesome cardio session yesterday b4 i went to the drs office...L2.8 @12%incline....for 45...it was truly dope =)

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ok ok ok...

i just called the dr...AND i made an appt...im scared ****less...y??? b/c i dont want this micki ficki to tell me i have to have nathan cut on or out...i dont have time for no surgery...im on a plan & surgery just doesnt fit in my plan...but its been 4 wks and this thing hasnt gotten back to the way its supposed to b...o u may have no idea what im talking about ...MY RIGHT KNEE...it swole up as big as my head one wk, then my calk was massive, then it all went back down but i still couldnt fully extend or bend...uhm yeah thats a problem right :-l

well my appt is dec 8 at 830 am with some dude i "found" on the aetna.com page....keep me in ur prays folks


maddd love


peace & b well....


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ok its been a minute...


im sitting at my desk and need to go to the gym...well i was supposed to go at lunch but i got to work late so i couldnt leave for two hrs in the middle of the day and now i have procrastinated so long that its so late that im not gonna get to the gym til 8...and and and...damn so many excuses...im four weeks in of hitting it tru gorilla stylee...im just finding it hard to do work, gym, AND eat...o did i mention sleep...im so freakin sleepy folks...ok for the record this is a tru whinner blog...my bad...i promise...nah im not gonna promise that...its only 4 wks in on a 6 month contract...theres bound to b another whinner blog soon...mayb even this week (lol)

have a great day folks...lawd'amercy...give me strenght!!!

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ok the sugar is killing me...

look i just got in from the gym and im beat but thats not what this blog is about...its really about how my gym time is on point but my cravings for sugar and all things from sugarland...whats a chica to do...the chromium helps but geez its really about discipline i kno...so this means that this chica has NONE...which is sooooo ultimately bogus on my part....ok well this is truly a *itch session...i just got home and this sista is straight cravin' something sweet and im PIST!!!!

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