Reflecting on My Dieting Failures…. (Part 4 - Final Instalment)
In 1992 I was a newly qualified Chartered Accountant. After having worked three years with a large firm, I decided I wanted to try a job in industry. I took a job as controller with a grocery wholesale and retail business and had to move to a small town about an hour from the city. It was a big life change for me, one that was probably a mistake at the time, although everything worked out for the best in the long run.
I moved at the end of October, 1992. I left behind my roommates, co-workers, friends, social activities and support network. I moved to a small town where I knew nobody and rented a house. From a fitness perspective, I left behind my swimming, racquetball and gym workouts. The nearest gym was an hour away, so not workable for me to attend there regularly. In my mind, I was left with nothing. The new job did not start off well, and I soon became very lonely in this new town with nothing to do and no friends. As the weeks turned into months I can see now that I fell into a mild depressed state. I didn’t want to do anything except sleep and ….wait for it….eat! I threw all food sense to the wind and started eating recklessly again. If I wanted it, I ate it. I ate for comfort and distraction. Sound familar? I had fallen into the same self-destructive pattern I found myself in when I was a teenager! As the pounds piled on I avoided looking in the mirror, and when I did I felt disgust and self-loathing over what I was doing to myself. By the end of the winter of 1993, my progress from weight watchers and my previous active period had all but disappeared. In reality, it probably wasn’t as bad as I perceived it to be. Mentally, I was in a very bad place and I didn’t know how to get out of it. I went through my days with a black cloud over my head, functioning enough to get by but not having any sense of purpose, or feeling I had anything to look forward to except more days filled with loneliness. Looking back on this time, I know I could have taken some steps to adapt better to the new town and job, but for some reason I just didn’t have it in me. I was waiting for something to happen to break me out of the depression I was stuck in. Luckily for me, something did!
A co-worker introduced me to my future wife. This was in November, 1993, and my life was changed forever. We hit it off right away. I had found my soul mate and life partner. The loneliness was replaced by a feeling of excitement and adventure. I had found a new sense of purpose. My new positive attitude even helped me cope with work (for awhile, anyway). We soon moved in together, and have been enjoying our life together ever since. In 1995 I decided to open my own business and I have been growing it for the past 12 years to the point where today it is providing us with a comfortable living. Things worked out well for me in terms of relationship and career, but how did it impact on my eating and fitness?
At first, not much. My wife and I were too busy building our life together, and then I was too busy trying to establish my business, to give much serious attention to diet or exercise. I talked about wanting to lose weight and be active, but didn’t do anything about it. My exercise was limited to occasionaly walking the dog, and going bowling once a week. My diet consisted of fast food, processed meats, canned and frozen meals, with a little cooking thrown in once in a while. And of course, I ate junk food for pleasure, especially in the evening. As the years went on, I knew I was overweight and unfit. I knew I was at risk for health problems as I aged. I knew I could do better for myself and my wife. I started many a diet during these years, including just about every January 1st, but I didn’t stick to anything very long. The dieting failures added up and so did the guilt and a feeling that maybe I was just meant to be overweight and I should accept it and be happy with my life as it was. I had no real motivation to make any change in my lifestyle, so my bad eating patterns and inactivity were not about to change.
My blog on Motivation tells about how I started working out on March 1, 2004 at the age of 38, and how working out has grown to become a part of my identity. The commitment to working out came a lot faster and easier than a change in my attitude towards food did. I saw my body fat slowing reducing, thanks to working out. I knew that if I ate better I could lose fat faster, but I didn’t make any changes. As long as I continued to feel and look better I didn’t worry at all about what I was eating. I figured I would get the results I wanted in time, no matter how I ate. I continued to lift weights, got better at it, and had decent results in terms of muscle growth. I also lost a little more body fat, especially in my arms, legs and upper body, but as of January, 2007 I had made little progress in getting rid of the rolls of fat covering my stomach and those dreaded love handles. I enjoyed eating so much that I couldn’t bear the thought of giving up the pleasures associated with my favourite foods.
It is now almost one year later, and I’m proud to say that my love affair with food is over. My love handles are just about gone, and my last roll of fat is shrinking. I am working out with more intensity and with better results than ever before. I am progressing towards my goal of bringing out my abs and I am confident I will succeed.
What happened over the last 12 months to change my relationship with food? I’ll tell you all about it in another blog!
