little cocos training journal

so i am in culver city…

racheles show is today… she looks small.. i wanna tell her but then again i dont..because she still looks good but now what we expected, she thought she’d be more round off in the shoulders and she has just gone flat from carb depleteing. but yesterday she had to eat exactly every 2 hours of rice and chicken..then she had no more water after 5 and then at 8 had a big steak dinner with french fries.. by not having in more waterin her system her body wouldnt hold any so there for it was supposed to make her muscles look better but not retain any water in the waist or 6 pack area..

hmm no water is bein held but her size looks the same..

 i will post pictures later

but yesterday i kinda cheated.. wait yes i did. before she came to pick me up at home i was snackin on a candy bar, granola bar and some nuts.. umm should i say yum?? yes.. haha but i have been doin to much cardio lately and my dad told me i look to skinny almost again.

ever since thanksgiving i have been a emotional wreck.

i stressed because of what i ate.. i know i shouldnt.

but then the sitation with my father.. it would take a novel for me to explain whats going on and how my boyfriend is 22 years old and my father still doesnt know about us but my mother does and she is happy for us but then when my dad is home off work she takes his side on everything and is the total opposite of how she acts when its just her and i. i love her to death but i never want to be like her. this stresses me out like crazy.. its something that i know has made me so anal about what i eat and when i workout.. because thats the only thing i control in my life. my dad isnt the best dad.. i use to be so close to him but now he has turned me into a emotional wreck. i try to love him like i use to..but its hard to love someone who pushes you away. i dont even want to get into it. the fact that my father is a police leautinent(sp?) makes everything twice as complicated and difficult as well….

that was a little bit of venting..

tonight at the gym i was hanging by a thread.. i was so irritable.. i gave the evil eye to any guy that looked at me and made me feel uncomfortable.. usually i dont pay attention to them but any little thing ticked me off!! i cried today because my protein shake tasted like crap.. okay not literally but joe the smoothie guy put to many strawberrys and it irked me.. i swear i must have ocd.

okay today i was like hmm im sure i’ll eat lots of turkey and potatos.

welll after it started with an extra bread roll at lunch with my grandparents..

then went from

13 fun size candy bars to

FRENCH FRIES!! SOOOO GOOD

its gets better….

ben and jerrys ice cream.. my mom and i were downtown

then……pop corn at the movies, and reeses pieces….

and theeeeeeeeen…… a another turkey dinner at elmers with my family… mashed potatoes..candied yams.. few bites of turkey, then i swear i was swelled up like a tick! i had 2 bites of pie and called it a night.. i swore i wanted to hurl.. i havent had food like this in 6 months. i swear.. since ive started dieting 7 months ago i havent had a cheat meal…or day ever.. i always stressed it.. and now today it felt great, i dont regret it. it was amazing.. i want more strawberry ice cream :]

this is why im going to the gym at 5:30 to do cardio with my mom..then train with rachele at 8, then spin at 9.. then do that all over again saturday followed by a pilates class..and then cardio and spin on sunday… back on track. tomorrows a new day!! and then after racheles competition next saturday… ICE CREAM!! im working my ass off all this week to deserve ice cream next weekend. i mean it..

at school today i was so sleepy.. i had no caffeine all morning. im becoming a coffee addict and my mom refuses to by another coffee machine now.. whatever i’ll get one some how.. haha, i need a job.

 so today i worked with rachele.. we did weight and measuremeants..

im at 119.. =] yaaaaaayyy. i gained and according to my measurements my abdominal lower region did not increase therfore this little bulk i got goin on with my diet isnt affecting my bodyfat.. i did gain size in my biceps and right below my chest because my upper abdominals are beggining to swell with size!! and thats great.. im happy. really happy.

i had a good cardio session too.. i always see girls in there i know from my old school, always.. and they never ever give me the time of day. i’m not trying to brag but i know i intimidate them.. im totally sweaten up a storm and looking nice and lean and there they are trying to figure out how to walk on the treadmill.. i try to look and smile at them if i pass them but they act like they dont see me.. im not dumb. jeesh. i try to be nice here.. it would be way awesome if they wanted to ask me questions about working out. i know its runnin through there minds =]

there is nothing that pisses me off more than when you are at the gym using a machine… and then someone stands behind you.. and WAITS!! its like go do something else..PLEASE!! there are 50 other machines for you to use damnit..

im debating on if i want to start taking suppliments like cytolean, superpump and size on. would it really benefit me?

joe, who is the owner of the smoothie shop next to golds gym out here is tottally like ‘uncle joe’ i love him to death.. he is a great guy, he gives great advice and he really cares about me and is supportive. but he is looking into to finding out more about those supplements for me, he sells them at his store but he is doing additional research on it just for me!! =]

turkey day is comin up!! yaaaaaaayyy. you know im completely fine with my diet.. i think i’ll just eat as much turkey as i want and a yam.. that sounds fine to me. i’d rather stuff up on turkey then stuffing or mashed potatoes anyways.. im a turkey lover.

figures.. my last post i was talking about how i’m tryin not to stress.

and then these last 2 days end up bein extremely stressful. thursday was terrible. i was a mess all day.. everything made me break down. reasons why but i dont want to get into it. family problems of course..

on thursday i was able to work with my trainer. she knew was what going on and we got to talk about it. i love her.. i swear i dont know where i’d be in life with out here. she is my soul sister. im so thankful for her. even though we did alot of talking we were able to get a good workout in.

so i’ve only done cardio twice this week.. thats a major step down from how often i use to do it, feels weird! but its crazy.. i totally added 50 more grams of complex carbs in my daily diet this past week…and today i weight in 115.8 at the gym. what the f!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was going to do spin, just because my mom went to the gym with me today and she was going to do it but then i was like wow i cant do spin.. i cant lose anymore weight. this is rediculous! like im really baffled because i have been eating more food and doing less cardio.. im lifting a lot heavier and more intense though.

today i did chest, triceps and abs on my own.

incline chest press

decline chest press

flat chest press

flys

then for triceps

cable push down

kickbacks

dips with weight

lying one arm tricep extensions

then abs i did roman chairs, cable crunches, crunch machine and leg lifts.

good workout!

there are a lot of things going on with other people in my life right now that i should care more about.. but i tend to just stay out of the way and zone it out. because if i let that get to me then i get stressed.. that is the last thing i need. because with stress i lose weight, and i do not need that.. sure dont. but one thing i cant get over is.. well if you live in california and watch the news im sure you heard about the murder/suicide in temecula over the weekend? well anywas the son who murdered his dad, her girlfriend and her two daughters then shot him self is a old friend of mine. we were best friends in 6th grade. i know that was nearly 6 years ago, but still. i knew him and the kid i knew wouldnt do this to his family, but obviously people change and its just sad, its like i wonder if i never lost touch with him if things wouldve ended up this way for him.. you cant help but wonder. such a sad thing =[

today i trained with my trainer.. she is really proud of me for coming up with my new diet and really realizing that i cant be so stubborn and anal about what i eat.. especially if i wanna get somewhere. i had wrote her a e-mail last night tellin her about my new diet i came up with and my plan and she said she shed a tear because she was so proud..aww.

today i weight in at 117.8.. right after i had a protein shake though. so im sure i’m at 117.

we did chest and triceps..i really dont feel like writing out my whole workout.

but just this week we started a ’shock’ type of training..something different i wanted to try. say like with a exercise we’ll do it like 6 to 7 reps of heavy weight with low reps.. it feels good. i like it a lot. and then i did abs on my own… hanging leg raises, machine crunches with 80 pounds, and side oblique crunches on the parallel bars. i live gettin that fatigue feeling in my abs. i can never get my abs sore anymore.. i love that tight feelin in your abs when you wake up in the morning, i can never get it anymore.

 tomorrow i have a half day at school… thank goodness. i’m so sick of being there. starting at a new highschool this year was so difficult, not with academics. i train with my trainer tomorrow at 4.. doing back and biceps!

foood today..

meal 1- 1 c. oatmeal and 4 eggwhites

meal 2- apple, 4 egg whites

meal 3- 4 oz. chicken with 2 slices whole grain wheat bread. mmm so good…

meal 4- protein shake w/ tbsp peanut buttaaaa.

meal 5- 5 oz. chickenbreast cut up in a salad with salsa and chopped onion..(met parents for dinner after gym)

meal 6- 1 c. oatmeal..

i love the quaker oatmeal man.. yes i do.

yes they sure do.. i dont like tuesdays. its my ‘resting day’.. i feel bored on my resting days.

why am i so jittery lately.

last month my cycle.. (female time of the month for you people) was really light.. and that is not good at all.. i mean it was practically not there, of course i got to experience the lovely pms of crying and getting a pimple, just like this week.. i hope it comes tomorrow.. really. if i do thats good because its a sign that my weight is getting healthy.

or it may not come because i have been lifting a lot more heavier and doin some intense cardio, but i have upped my calories.

today in class i wrote out a new diet.. i thought i got somewhere, but nope. only made it around 1700 calories, and it had a lot of food, i thought.. apparently i need around 2500 calories if i want to ‘bulk’. but now im thinking.. i might as well just start with my 1700 calorie diet and up it every week or so and see if my weight goes up and if my bodyfat changes. i’ll talk to rachele about it tomorrow.. i work with her on wednesdays, she is my trainer. i might as well take this as a real slow process, because its all a learning experience and i love learning about the body. i’m obsessive at times and thats bad.. really bad. but i’m intelligent.. i kinda know to much for my own good

 tomorrow is a chest and arms day.. i loooveeee gettin that pump in my biceps, feels so good.

dec 1 is excaliber! im excited i get to go with rachele and be her ‘assistant’.. so i get to see what goes on backstage.. see if i really want to compete in march. so far i do.. i really do. i’m going to. i can do it…

 food today

meal 1- 1 c. oatmeal, 4 eggwhites

meal 2- apple, tuna pouch, little salad with cucumbers

meal 3- 1/2 c. brown rice with 4 oz. chicken and 1 egg white

meal 4- protein shake w/ one tbsp of peanutbutter

meal 5- 5 oz chicken salad with 1 egg white

meal 6- 1/2 c. oatmeal with 4 egg whites.

so today i worked with my trainer.. started at 8 am, ended at 9 am.

i was at the gym at the ass crack of dawn because my mother worked with her trainer at 7 so i went at 6 with her to do cardio.. i did way too much cardio. i really need to cut back on cardio and eat more because i’m not gaining any size at all.. i swear i’m the strongest girl with a tiny physique and little definition(cardio eats it up =[ i tell ya)

we did shoulders and legs..

leg extensions 130- 6,4,6 

150- 6

175- 6,6

185- 6

195- 6

210- 4,4

squats(on smith machine)-

50- 6

70- 6

90- 6

110- 6

130- 6

160- 6

ham curls

50- 6

60- 6,6

75- 6

90- 6

shoulder press(on machine)

10- 20(warm up)

50- 6

70- 6

90- 4, 6(spotter)

laterals

30- 8

40- 6

50- 6, 6

cable laterals(w/ resistance)

10- 12, 12, 12, 12

cable cross-over pulls

12.5- 12, 12, 12, 10, 10

when we were doing squats.. once i got to having 80 pounds on each side, it was pretty heavy for me and going back up once i finised my last set i was trying to clip the back back in but i missed it and it slipped and my trainer was spotting me but it dropped and pulled us both down. i was fine at the time just really shaken up, because i could’ve gotten really injured. thank goodness i didnt.. but now my back is really aching. i took a ib400mg… so its helping the pain right now. but after that, through the rest of my workout my trainer was really worried and wouldnt let me use dumbells for shoulders because i’d be standing or my back wouldnt be able to have enough support. it sucked because i love doing shoulders, i love using dumbells and i was all pumped up but then after that i was like woah.. but i hope i dont wake up in pain tomorrow!

food today

meal 1- 1 cup of oats, 4 egg whites

meal 2- protein shake(220 cal) w/ 1 tbsp of peanut butter

meal 3- 3.5 oz. chicken in a spinach salad with balsamic vinegar and little bit of a rice pilaf

meal 4- 4 oz. chicken tossed in taco lettuce with salsa, 1 apple

meal 5- 60 grams of oatmeal and 4 eggwhites.